The Darkest Night
by TheGreenBook
Summary: Sequel to Leave The Lights Off. This starts two months after the ending to Lights. Will's relationship with Magnus continues as he deals with the lives and family Jem left behind. Slash and M rated content, please review and enjoy.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: Welcome to my new story! Here we go again! A few things: If you didn't read the prequel to this, Leave the Lights Off, that is perfectly alright. Everything you need to know, you will figure out pretty quickly. If you did read Lights, thanks for giving this story a chance.**

**Since this story starts six months after Jem's death, the prologue will serve as an explanation for everything that has transpired between the months of July, 1878, and February, 1879.**

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. This is a work of fiction based on the characters in Cassandra Clare's Infernal Devices series. No money is being made on this work. This is a work of fiction and should be treated as such. This story will contain SLASH and M-rated situations. I will accept critiques but not flames, and reviews are most definitely encouraged. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

The Shanghai Institute was built into the side of the mountain. Will Herondale knew this, had heard about it, and had even seen pictures, but that didn't prepare him for the sight that greeted him when he arrived in Shanghai and found that the Institute really and truly was built into the side of a mountain. Only the front entrance could be seen and the rest of the Institute lay buried beneath the ground. There were hardly any windows and all of the passageways were lit by dim witchlight. Like the London Institute, the Shanghai Institute was a great place to get lost in, and six months after Will had experienced the most significant death of his life, all he wanted to do was get lost.

James Carstairs, Will's parabatai, had died as the sun rose on a hot July morning. Will had spent the first four months following Jem's death lying on the floor of a study alcove they had made their own. It had been the sight of many first times for them: they had shared their first kiss up there and had made love for the first time on the rough wooden floor. They had been lovers in the alcove, and so it was fitting that the alcove be the place Will would go, lay on the floor, and wallow in his sorrow.

Will had been lying in the alcove two months ago when Sophie, the girl that Jem had loved, briefly, revealed to Will that she was pregnant with a child she and Jem conceived the night before Jem had ended his love affair with her. Armed with Jem's past coming back to haunt him, Will had left the Institute without explanation.

The four months before a Shadowhunter turned 18 were to be spent traveling to Institutes, interviewing for positions within the Claves of the world, and that was what Will had said he was doing. He had gone to Paris, Madagascar, New York, Athens, Idris, New Delhi, and Tokyo. He had interviewed to be a weapons trainer, a tutor, a supervisor to younger shadowhunters, and a mentor to students who would be just two years younger than him. He was offered every position he interviewed for and he turned every one of them down. He always had an excuse at the ready but knew the real reason for his hesitation. Moving away from London meant moving on, and Will wasn't ready to move on.

Will would return to London (he had to) and he knew he should return to London (Jem would have wanted him to) but as of right now, he had something more important to do.

After Jem died, he was burned during the traditional funeral service given to all Shadowhunters who had died in service to the Clave. Most of his ashes had been cemented into the walls of the Silent City, but Henry Branwell, one of the leaders of the London Institute, had returned to the Silent City following the funeral and had collected some of Jem's ashes in a small glass bottle. Henry had given Will the ashes and suggested that Will find a place to spread them so that maybe, perhaps, Will might be able to say goodbye by himself. The ashes had been the last thing Will had placed in his knapsack before he left a note and slipped out of the London Institute on a cold, dark, November morning. Since then, he had found many places to spread the ashes, but still, he held on to them.

Time stood still in the Shanghai Institute. Will went outside often, to breathe in the crisp mountain air and to take in the picturesque views surrounding the Institute, but inside, with no windows, the only way to truly tell time was by knowing which meal had been just eaten and which meal was coming up. In Shanghai, Will found himself eating rice with nearly every meal, but he never got sick of it. He learned that he loved tofu and discovered that ginger tea helped to soothe his stomach and soul on the nights he found himself grieving Jem.

Now, it was February, just a week before Will's 18th birthday, and he had just declined a position as a weapons instructor to the Shanghai Institute. The family that ran the Shanghai Institute was currently leaving him alone, but they couldn't ask him to leave, since they were bound by Clave law to provide shelter to him. Granted, after two weeks, he should have had the manners to move on, but the obligation to spread Jem's ashes somewhere (and his home to be no better place than to do that) kept him in Shanghai.

Mr. and Mrs. Boyuan, the leaders of the Shanghai Institute, hadn't been surprised when Will had turned up on their doorstep. They had been gracious enough to never mention the Carstairs family, but Will had gone rummaging one night and had discovered a picture of Jem and his parents on the wall of a study room. The boy in the picture had appeared no older than seven and was barely taller than the jade tipped cane held by his father. Jem had taken after his mother and had long, black hair in the picture and eyes so dark Will could barely look into them. The boy in the picture looked so very different from the silver haired boy who had died in Will's arms, so Will had never looked at the picture again. The boy in the picture was not Jem, and never would be Jem.

Will was reading in the Library now, his eyes scanning a book regarding Greater Demons native to China, when a gong echoed through the Institute, signaling that another meal was about to begin. The doors to the Library opened, and a tall man dressed in black and green walked in. He could have passed as a Shadowhunter, but his green and gold cat eyes gave him away as a warlock. His name was Magnus Bane, and he had been bound to Will for the last six months, giving him support and a shoulder to cry on when Will felt like he had no one left in the world. They had been lovers at one time, and had even made plans to leave London and move to Paris with Jem, but then Jem had died and Will wasn't sure who Magnus was to him anymore.

"It's dinner time," Magnus said. He walked up behind Will and peered down at the book Will was reading. Will found the muscles in his stomach clench with dread and he thought about getting another cup of ginger tea. Once a day, Magnus suggested leaving Shanghai, and every time, Will asked for one more day.

Will took a deep breath, as he always did whenever Magnus got close enough for Will to smell the warlock's usual scent of sandalwood and vanilla. They had been one another's best lover during the few times they had made love, but when they had left London, Will found that he suddenly couldn't bear the thought of Magnus touching him. Will was crying inside for Magnus to just hold him, but being held by a man who wasn't Jem still felt wrong.

"I'm going to lay my hands on your shoulders now," Magnus said. He lifted his hands from the back of Will's chair and rested them on Will's shoulders. Will tensed, and considered pulling away, but Magnus wasn't holding him. Will could escape at any second, but he didn't. He took a quiet breath and looked down at the book to see the words swim in front of his eyes. "It's not good for you to spend six hours hunched over a book in a dark room." Magnus stretched his fingers and began to rub at the knots of tension across Will's back.

"It's a good book," Will said.

"Yes, you've been reading a lot of good books lately," Magnus said. Will closed his eyes and leaned back into Magnus's hands. "I think we have worn out our welcome. We should consider moving on…"

"To Beijing then?" Will asked. Magnus was quiet. After the funeral, Magnus had found it difficult to speak directly to Will. He preferred to dance around everything, certain that one word just might push Will over the edge for good. "Or how do you feel about Tibet? I would like to see the Himalayas."

"Charlotte sent correspondence from London. Sophie is pregnant with a boy and she is unsure of what to name him. She wanted to know what you thought of James. She's concerned that you wouldn't want the baby to have the same name as Jem," Magnus said.

"She could just call him James," Will said. "I'm named after my father. It's only fitting that the baby be named after his."

"Also, she wanted to know what you thought of William as a middle name. It's a nice name, James William Carstairs," Magnus said. Will sat forward abruptly and slammed closed the book he was reading. He stood up and collected his things.

"It is poor form to keep our hosts waiting for dinner," Will said. "Will you be joining us?" Magnus nodded and followed Will out of the Library.

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><p>Dinner was steamed rice with vegetables and fresh water crab. Will had mastered the art of using chopsticks while Magnus struggled with them and instead used a fork. Their hosts were pleasant enough and had two young children, ages five and seven, who spent every meal peering at Will with their large, dark, almond shaped eyes. Will avoided their eyes whenever he could.<p>

"So you knew of the Carstairs family?" Will asked. Magnus dropped his fork and recovered it. Mrs. Boyuan looked up from her dinner.

"James's mother was my cousin," She said. "Do you have questions about them?"

"I wanted to know if there was a special place they ever went to as a family. You probably don't know…" Will began.

"Sometimes, when James was little, he and his father would leave late in the afternoon and hike to the summit of the mountain above us, getting to the top just before sunset," Mr. Boyuan said. "They liked the view." Will nodded and turned back to his dinner.

After dinner there was dessert, and then Will and Magnus went to their rooms for the evening. Magnus made another attempt to talk to Will but Will locked himself in his bathroom to clean up before bed, and when he walked back out, Magnus was gone.

It was warm in the Institute despite the cold temperatures outside. Will dressed in his pajamas, then sat his desk and looked at the little jar sitting on his desk. He wondered if Jem knew a small part of him was home, and then, Will stopped thinking that way. He felt his back start to ache and he realized that he was out of rice wine, which always relaxed him. He could have gone to the kitchen for tea but didn't feel like preparing it himself. A knot had slowly begun to form in his stomach, and Will found himself craving distraction. Without another thought, Will stood up and left his room.

Downworlders such as Magnus were technically not supposed to be sheltered in Institutes, but when Will and Magnus had arrived in Paris, Magnus had produced papers from two separate sources that said he was with Will on business and was to be treated the same as Will. Of course, being told to be treated the same and being treated the same were two different things. In some places they had gone, Magnus had been looked down upon as nothing more than filth from a gutter. Still, he remained at Will's side.

When they had arrived in Shanghai and had come to the Institute, they had each been given rooms. Will was given a nice room, close to the rest of the Institute's inhabitants, with a queen size bed, a huge desk, and a bathroom all his own. Magnus had been given a room down near the unconsecrated ground of the Shanghai Institute's Sanctuary, with only a single bed, a dresser, a small desk, and a thirty foot walk to the nearest bathroom. It was a quiet, subtle gesture. The Accords may have been signed, but some Shadowhunters would always believe that warlocks were beneath them.

Will smelled smoke, so he continued down the hall, past Magnus's room, and found Magnus at the end of the hallway, standing beside the door to the Sanctuary. He was dressed more plainly then he had dressed for dinner and his hair was pulled into a messy knot of black hair at the nape of his neck. In his hands he held a piece of paper.

"Just sending Charlotte a reply," Magnus explained. He snapped his fingers and the letter burst into flames and disappeared. "I told her yes to James, not sure to William, and…"

"I'm never going back there," Will said.

"You left your family ring there," Magnus said. He touched Will's right hand and Will recoiled like Magnus's hand was as hot as the letter he had just sent.

"I'm never going back to London. Again," Will insisted. Magnus sighed and looked Will in the eyes.

"I know," He said. "Is that all you needed to tell me?"

Will looked down the long, dark hallway from where he had come from and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"I can't sleep," Will mumbled.

"You didn't try," Magnus said. "This is the eighth time you've done this. We get somewhere, and you're happy for a few days, and then you start to get stressed out, and before you know it, you're ready to go somewhere else. I don't mind it, but I think it's time we return to London."

"I'm not returning to London," Will said. He licked his lips. "Let's go to Australia."

"You can go an entire world away, but you won't escape Jem's memory. Or all that he left behind," Magnus said. "Besides I can't go to Australia. Back when I was just learning my powers I made a whole flock of sheep disappear. It went poorly- for me and the sheep. I'm not allowed back in the country."

Will knew this had to be a lie, but it was a game they played. Will would suggest far reaching places, and Magnus would try to get them closer to London. It never worked. One time Magnus drew a Portal and said they were headed to Dublin. He walked through and thought of Dublin, Will walked through and thought of Fiji. It had taken Magnus nearly a week to find Will laying naked and sun burnt on a beach on the other side of the world. After that, Magnus had taken to stunning Will with charms and dragging his half unconscious body through.

"Cape Town, South Africa, then," Will said.

"Berlin, Germany," Magnus argued.

"Siberia."

"Stop running away," Magnus said. "Is this what you do when people die? You just leave? At some point you have to stop running." Will gaped at Magnus for a second, and then spun around quickly, prepared to run down the hall and barricade himself into his room. Magnus grabbed him by the elbow. "Listen to me. Go to my room. I'm going to go brush my teeth. I'll stay up with you and talk until you're ready to sleep."

Will walked down to Magnus's room and went in to find a small oil lamp burning. The room was half the size of Will's room and had a low ceiling Will was in danger of hitting his head on. There were no windows, just dark walls made of plaster painted black. The rest of the Institute had a normal temperature, but this room had a chill. Will sat down on Magnus's bed and felt springs poking through the mattress beneath him.

After a few minutes, Magnus walked in, smelling of peppermint. He sat down on the chair beside the desk.

"Sit with me," Will said. Magnus looked at the bed, and then sat beside Will. "Bed isn't much to speak of, is it?"

"It's perfectly alright," Magnus said. "I've slept on worse. So why can't you sleep this time?" Will looked into the dark corners of the room where the light from the oil lamp would not reach.

"My stomach hurts," Will mumbled.

"Should I get you some ginger tea? Or maybe a cookie?" Magnus asked. Will shrugged. "You have to tell me what you want, Will. I'm not a mind reader. Just a warlock." Will continued to look into the corners. Magnus sighed. "Are you hungry? Sick? What's the matter?" Will looked Magnus in the eyes. Slowly, carefully, he reached over and took Magnus's hand. He placed it over the knot in his stomach. "I know what you need. Lay back."

Will lay down on the uncomfortable mattress, and his heart started to pound.

"I was reading this book earlier," Magnus said. He slipped his hand up Will's shirt and rested his fingertips on Will's stomach. Will felt something like a tickle, followed by warmth against his skin. His muscles tensed, forcing him to choose between fight or flight, but Will did neither. He closed his eyes and took a few breathes. His stomach hurt worse now, but Magnus's hand was growing warmer. "There was this young man… I can't remember his name. But when he found himself on the cusp of adulthood, he decided it was time to leave home and discover what he needed to spend his life doing. His destiny, so to speak. So he left his home."

"And he traveled all over the world with a 700 year old warlock who eventually got homesick?" Will asked.

"Shhhh. You have to relax or this knot will never go away," Magnus said. "The young man travelled all over the world, searching for his destiny. He looked for it beneath the pyramids in Egypt; he looked for it on top of the tallest mountains and at the bottom of the deepest seas. He searched for a long time but he never found it. Then one day he met a wise old man who asked the young man what he was searching for, and when the young man told him, the old man laughed. He said that the young man's destiny had never been lost to begin with. It was inside of him all along. The young man would know, in his heart, which path to take to follow his destiny. He hadn't even needed to leave home."

"There was once a warlock who got on the bad side of a Shadowhunter," Will said. "One day the warlock wasn't immortal anymore. Why, he wasn't anything at all."

"You don't mean that," Magnus said.

Magnus stretched out his fingers and lay his palm on Will's stomach. Slowly, the knot began to melt away. Will reached his hand down the bed and found Magnus's other hand. He laced his fingers between Magnus's and closed his eyes.

When Magnus had asked Will to come with him to Paris, and told Will to bring along Jem, Will had known, instinctively, that would never work because he was incapable of loving them both in the manner they deserved. Will had broken Magnus, and along the way had broken Jem as well. He should have been glad to have Magnus still by his side, but his feelings regarding the warlock were as muddled as ever.

"You're just angry with life," Magnus whispered. Will wanted to disagree. Being angry with life meant admitting that he felt something. Will had spent six months trying to feel numb. He wasn't about to feel only anger when instead he felt blind rage towards anyone and everything. Will's stomach tensed up again and this time it felt like he had been kicked there. "Breathe, Will. Just breathe."

Will took a few breathes as Magnus moved his hand in a slow circle on Will's stomach. Will's skin continued to warm at Magnus's touch, and soon, the warmth began to seep beneath his skin and find a home deep inside of his stomach. Will was unsure of what Magnus was doing, but he wasn't going to object. It had been so long since he had been touched this intimately.

Magnus flexed his fingers and pulled Will's hand closer to his. Will had a fleeting thought and he listened to it by pulling Magnus beside him onto the bed. Magnus had to let go of Will's hand then, but he lifted his left hand and ran it through Will's hair. Magnus continued rubbing Will's stomach, his hand drifting lower down, towards the waist band of Will's pants, as Magnus exhaled warm air against his cheek. The warmth in Will's body began to spread from his stomach up through his chest and down through his legs.

Will could imagine turning his face and kissing Magnus on the lips. He recalled Magnus giving all of himself in every kiss, but then Will remembered last pressing his lips to Jem's as Jem lay in the Infirmary in the hours after his death. Even before Jem had died, they had shared so many kisses they hadn't know would be their last. Will couldn't imagine Magnus's kiss being the first he would have since Jem death. Will opened his eyes and saw Magnus looking down on him. He closed his eyes and felt tears slip from the corners of them.

The warmth Magnus was sending through Will's body was doing all sorts of odd things to Will. He felt himself sweating but shivering, and found his hands twitching as he looked for something to hold onto.

"What are you doing to me?" Will whispered.

"I'm warming you up," Magnus said. "Your skin was cold. I can't have you getting sick."

Will squeezed his eyes shut and again fought the urge to pull away. He refused to feel this way, and refused to feel himself slowly becoming aroused. Jem was the last man Will had been with and so Will hadn't even touched himself in the last six months. He had ignored his desires and would now pay for it.

"Will," Magnus whispered. He slid his fingers down to the waistband of Will's pants.

"No!" Will cried. He rolled onto his side, pulling his knees up, then gripped the warlock's tattered pillow and stared at the wall, fighting back tears that were simmering below the surface. Will had broken down so many times in the past six months. Every time, he thought that this time would be the last time he ever cried for Jem. He always thought that sooner or later, the rawness of the wound Jem's death had given Will would just go away, but it never did. Some days were good and some days were bad and some days were like this, when Will had a plan to move forward but a need to fall backwards.

"Breathe," Magnus whispered. He placed his hand on Will's side, and then moved it down to the center of Will's stomach and kept rubbing. The knot was still there, burrowed into Will's stomach like it might never go away. "Will, you've got to breathe." Will took one shuddering breath after another. He felt himself already rock hard and he just wanted it to go away but it wouldn't. "It's perfectly alright-"

"No," Will said, but he wasn't sure who he was saying no to: Magnus for trying to find reason in this, or his own body for wanting to feel more than just aching pain and loss. Magnus stopped his rubbing but his hand remained on Will's stomach.

"I'll stop if you ask me to," Magnus said, "But I'll do what you want." Will rolled back onto his back and looked up at Magnus.

"Don't stop," Will whispered, "Please don't stop." He reached down and pushed his pajama pants down and off. Magnus remained with his hand up Will's nightshirt and looked down briefly. "Please, Magnus, make me feel good again."

"Just tell me when to stop. I don't want to upset you," Magnus said. He resumed rubbing. His hand drifted down further and gently teased at the hair on Will's lower stomach.

It had been four weeks ago, in Idris, when Will had woken up to discover that he had suddenly become much less like a boy, and more like a man. He had lost weight, and with it, the cherubic features of his face. Now, his jaw was more defined and almost always shadowed with dark stubble. His biceps had refined themselves into tight coils of sinew, and his chest and abdomen had finally filled into something resembling properly sculpted muscles. His permanent runes turned a flawless, solid black as they finally settled into his skin for life. Will had walked out of his room that morning to find Magnus sitting at the dining room table in the house they were staying in, his expression stuck somewhere between surprise and barely contained desire. He hadn't looked at Will the same since then.

Magnus had always desired Will and Will had found things to desire about Magnus as well, but Will had never asked Magnus for anything… until now.

Magnus leaned closer to Will, his lips just millimeters from Will's ear. His right hand reached towards Will's erection, slowly, nonthreatening, and then his thumb and index finger wrapped around the base. Will gasped as Magnus began to gently stroke.

Will moaned and turned his face towards Magnus as he spread his thighs a little. Already, what Magnus was doing was hurting Will. In all of his years of having sex he had never felt this sensitive. It was like Magnus was somehow pleasuring him from the inside out.

"Please don't stop," Will said, "Please, Magnus."

"You're going to feel good," Magnus said. "One day, Will, you're going to feel good again." Will pulled his knees up and turned his head so that his cheek rested against Magnus's shoulder. He looked up at Magnus, and parted his lips a little. Magnus's face hovered just over Will's. Will waited a heart beat, then another, and then grabbed Magnus's by the back of the head and forced their lips together. Magnus squeezed his eyes shut and kissed back, tangling his peppermint scented tongue with Will's as both of their defenses finally cracked. Magnus gripped Will's shaft tighter and began to move his hand up and down as they continued to kiss.

Will found himself lifting his hips and thrusting himself into Magnus's hand. He began to whimper softly as his mind began to fill with scenes and flashes of lights. After a minute, Magnus pulled his lips away from Will, and Will was shocked to find that their faces were both soaked with tears.

"You're going to be just fine," Magnus whispered. "I love you, Will. You're going to feel good again."

Magnus kissed Will again, then continued his stroking. There was so much heat flowing through his body, Will swore he was on fire. He felt coiled tightly but he began to unravel with each passing second. Will's heart kicked into an accelerated cadence and he felt his muscles clench quickly before the first bit of white hot liquid drizzled over the back of Magnus's hand. Magnus stroked again and more came forth, causing Will to cry out. As Will's mind brought him back to a cold room in a foreign Institute, the knot in his stomach melted completely away.

Magnus climbed from the bed and told Will he would be back. Will closed his eyes and shook with silent sobs until Magnus returned. Magnus apologized over and over again but Will neither accepted nor rejected his apology. He just lay on his side and Magnus held him close until he finally cried himself to sleep.

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><p>The next morning, Will climbed from the bed, went to his room, dressed for the weather, and left the Institute. The climb up the mountain took two hours, but when Will arrived at the top, he found that Jem was right, he could see for miles in all direction. This was the place where Will opened the tiny jar of ashes and shook them into the wind, whispering goodbye in his own way. The ashes never hit the ground; they just became a part of the air swirling around Will. When his tears were finally spent, Will climbed down the mountain found Magnus sitting on the front steps of the Institute, and Will asked to go home.<p>

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I know this was a lot to read but the next chapter won't be AS lengthy. Please feel free to review. If you read Lights, the teaser I put at the end of Lights shows up in the next chapter.<strong>


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews and your continued support! I consider myself to be very lucky to have readers who are enjoying these stories. None of this would be very enjoyable without you! **

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

After packing and accepting several gifts from their hosts, Will and Magnus shouldered their knapsacks and stepped over to a shimmering Portal Magnus had drawn.

"London," Magnus said. He looked into Will's eyes and Will looked back.

"London," Will confirmed. Magnus held his hand out and Will took it, intertwining his fingers with Magnus's. Magnus took a deep breath, then stepped into the Portal, pulling Will after him.

Will closed his eyes and thought of the London Institute. He saw the front lawn, green with grass. There was a path of stones leading up to the front and in the spring there were vines curling up and over the steps leading to the door.

Portaling didn't feel awful but it certainly didn't feel good either. Mainly he just felt his stomach in his throat, but Magnus's hand held his tightly. Then there was the jarring sensation of landing, followed by a cold feeling, seeping into the thin leather shoes Will was wearing. When Will had left London in November, the ground outside the Institute had been brown with death. Now, when Will opened his eyes, he only saw blinding white light.

"Will," Magnus said. Will staggered backwards, disoriented, but Magnus held Will's hand and helped Will get his balance. Will looked around, blinking like an animal that had woken up to soon from a long winter nap. He turned back to Magnus to see snow falling between them. Large flakes of snow stuck in Magnus's hair, showing up brilliant white against his black hair. For a second they only looked at one another, each breathing hard.

Will recalled a cool summer day, a rainstorm in the middle of the afternoon, a hard marble bench, and a fever hot body beneath his. He thought about the look Magnus got on his face when he was with a man he loved. Magnus had given so much of himself even as he took everything from Will. Magnus had the power to make Will feel unhinged, and all Will wanted to do now was press his lips to Magnus's and feel unhinged again.

"Will," Magnus whispered. He reached up and traced a finger down Will's cheek. He licked his hips and got the look on his face that said he wanted to say something and wasn't sure how. "Will, I just wanted to say-"

"Fuck!" Will cried. He bolted through knee deep snow across the front lawn of the Institute and dashed up the front steps. Magnus followed, laughing. Once at the door, Will kicked the snow from his feet and looked around to see a heavy layer of snow covering everything. The sun was just coming up and was beginning to cast the snow in shades of pink.

Will looked up at the front door to the Institute and tried to feel something for this place. He never considered the London Institute to be his "home" but rather just a place to stay. He thought he might eventually find a new place to live but then Jem showed up and it was just easier for Will to stay at the Institute.

"Are you alright?" Magnus asked. Will shrugged, grabbed the doorknob, turned it, and pulled. A thick layer of ice covering the door finally broke loose, and Will walked inside of the Institute. He held the door open and Magnus walked inside as well.

There was a tremendous hiss and a dark grey ball of fur skittered across the floor and bolted up the steps.

"Great. Now everyone is going to know I'm home!" Will exclaimed. "I just wanted to come back and go to my room and-"

"You've been gone for two months. You've come back to your family. You can't just hide in your room and not talk to anyone about anything," Magnus said. "Come on. I'm sure they are having breakfast and as I recall you haven't had any." Will rolled his eyes and started up the steps, but Magnus remained in the foyer, causing Will to turn around and look at him.

"You care that I haven't had breakfast," Will said. "You care about me."

"When have I not cared about you?" Magnus asked. "Will, I just wanted to say that-"

"I don't want to talk about it," Will said. His voice cracked. "What did you think, Magnus? That I would wait six months and then want to be with you? I hurt you and you forgave me and you said if I hurt you again, you would never forgive me. I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"Then deserve my love," Magnus said. "I forgive you. I know you've hurt people before, and I know they never forgave you, but I forgive you. What happened in the past can be left in the past. I want to move forward and I want to be with you, as your friend, as your lover, as anything. I love you, Will, and I want to be with you." Magnus looked up at Will, his eyes full of cautious expectation.

Will had seen Magnus's eyes show so many different feelings. He had seen Magnus appear joyously happy, madly in love, and broken to the core, which was how Magnus's eyes had looked when he discovered Jem and Will together beneath the apple tree. Without saying a word, Magnus had been able to convey the fact that everything he thought to be true between he and Will was suddenly a lie Will had told, and he was unable to know what, if anything, had been the truth.

"Say something," Magnus said, "say anything."

"I don't feel the same," Will said. "Now are you coming upstairs with me, or not?"

They walked upstairs together in silence and arrived at the second floor of the Institute, where the dining room, was located. As Will got closer to the door to the dining room, his stomach started to hurt and his steps became difficult, because walking into the dining room meant coming home to the place where Jem no longer lived. Will thought about the hundreds of meals he and Jem had shared in the dining room, and then he thought of a hundred different places he could go that were worlds away from here. He could go to any of those places and pretend that Jem was still alive.

"No. I can't do this," Will said. He stopped short and turned around, prepared to run, but Magnus grabbed him by the arms and held him back. "Let me go."

"No."

"Let- me- GO!" Will felt hot tears collect in his eyes and he fought back against Magnus, but where there should have been the strength to get away, there was none. Will struggled for a moment and then went slack, forcing Magnus to shove him against the wall to keep him from collapsing onto the floor.

"Breathe," Magnus whispered. Will sunk his fingers into the back of Magnus's jacket and allowed Magnus to press him against the wall. They had done this once before, when Will was sure Jem had totally lost his mind. Magnus had held Will this way in the kitchen and had told Will that love was being held by someone who wanted nothing in return.

Will took a painful breath and clung tighter to Magnus. He never thought he could need someone he didn't even want.

"Breathe," Magnus whispered. Will looked deep into Magnus's cat-like eyes and took several deep breathes.

"I can't do this. I can't live without him," Will said. "Not here. Not anywhere."

"You can, and you will," Magnus said. Will closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Magnus's shoulder.

The moment was shattered by the sound of laughter coming from the dining room. Will shivered in surprise and recovered the use of his muscles. Magnus let him go and stepped back, and Will looked down at the floor, avoiding the eyes that had been his only saving grace a second before.

"I'm right here," Magnus said. "If you need me, I'm right behind you. I promise." He rested a hand on Will's back and shoved him toward the door, and this time, Will went willingly. He got to the door to the dining room and pushed it open as someone else laughed.

At the head of the table, Henry's cheeks were bright red. Charlotte had just thrown her head back in laughter. To Charlotte's left sat Tessa, who had a napkin to her mouth, her eyes shining with tears, and across from her, Jessamine had a hand to her chest. Sophie sat beside Jessamine, a huge grin on her face, but the laughter ceased when Henry looked up and saw Will. One by one, everyone's heads turned, until there were four pairs of eyes staring at Will.

"Will," Tessa said. Will looked over at her, and then stepped backwards, but he felt Magnus's hand on his lower back, right behind him, as promised.

Charlotte jumped up and hurried over to Will. She looked him over the way a mother might, assessing him for all sorts of reasons. Then she attempted to embrace Will, but he avoided her arms.

"What's so funny?" Will asked. He looked at the sidebar in the dining room, which was filled with food, and thought about how nice it was that Charlotte suddenly had three daughters and no sons.

"Nothing at all," Charlotte said. Will turned his eyes back to Charlotte and looked her over. Not shockingly, she avoided his eyes.

"If Jessamine laughed, it had to have been funny," Will said. "C'mon, Charlotte. I could use a good laugh."

"Well, then…" Charlotte began, "I'm pregnant." Will looked her up and down again, settling his eyes on his stomach, which had grown bigger. He just stared at it and thought that people had such strange ways of dealing with the immeasurable grief.

"Well, then," Will said.

"I was feeling quite terrible… just after you left for Paris. I had headaches, stomach troubles… I fell asleep at my desk often, so I went to see the Silent Brothers, who revealed to me that I am about three months pregnant. I said to them, I can't be pregnant! I'm a Shadowhunter!" Charlotte exclaimed. Henry laughed as Jessamine, Sophie, and Tessa all grinned.

"That's not funny," Will said. "That just means you had sex and now you'll reap the consequences of that foolish endeavor. Look at your husband. You're going to have a child with that man? He sets himself on fire and doesn't even notice."

"I understand you might be upset…" Charlotte began.

"I would never care enough to be upset about something," Will said. "So are there any other announcements? Anything else… funny… going on here?" Will walked the length of the table and noticed that Tessa and Sophie had begun wearing their hair in French braids. "Well? We know Tessa can't get pregnant, but Jessamine can, so I'll be certain to never sneeze in her presence…" Will noticed an emerald ring on Jessamine's left hand. She pushed her hand beneath the table, but it was too late. "Jessamine? Have you something funny to tell me?"

"It's not funny. I'm engaged," Jessamine said. Will laughed, loudly and obnoxiously.

"My, that is funny," Will said. "Who is the lucky man?" Henry looked at Charlotte, and then to Jessamine. "Well? Please let it be some loser mundane…"

"It's Gabriel Lightwood," Jessamine said.

"You traitorous bitch," Will spit out.

"I owe you nothing, Herondale." Jessamine gave Will a frosty glare he ignored.

"Anything else I should know?" Will asked. "Is Church going to have kittens? Is Benedict having an affair with Mortmain?" Will settled his eyes on Sophie, who looked back at him, her hands folded on the table before her.

"I'm going to have a boy," Sophie said. "Today I was considering Henry for a middle name. What do you think of James Henry, Will?"

Will gripped the back of a chair and stared into Sophie's warm brown eyes. Sophie used to be afraid of him, but that was before they had lost the man they had both loved. Now, she looked at him like an equal, and perhaps, they were equals.

"That's a terrible name. Just awful," Will said.

"Well, if you had come home before now, you would have had a chance to give me your opinion," Sophie said. "As for now, I'm caught between James Henry and James Thomas…"

"If you hadn't spread your legs for Jem on the one night I rejected him you wouldn't have to debate baby names!" Will exclaimed.

"If he hadn't loved you the way he did maybe you would have been the one to die, and not him!" Sophie cried.

"Do you think I wanted him to martyr himself for me?" Will asked. "Honestly, Sophie. I would have killed myself if doing so would have given him just one more day on this earth." Sophie shoved a butter knife across the table and Will gaped at her. He struggled to form a proper insult but for himself at a loss for words.

"That's enough out of both of you," Charlotte said.

"This has been a most productive breakfast," Will said. "On second thought, I'm not hungry. I'm going up to my room now. It's in the same place, right? Or did you change it the way you did everything else?"

"It's in the same place," Charlotte said reassuringly. "I know traveling by Portal can be tiring. Why don't you go settle in? I'll send Beatrice up to collect your laundry." Will vaguely recalled the Institute hiring a new maid after Sophie had vacated her post, but Will had never been formally introduced and hadn't cared to meet her anyway.

"Wonderful," Will said. "I'll get everything together." Charlotte smiled.

"Also, Henry and I need to speak to you and Sophie," Charlotte said. "Can you meet in the drawing room in about a half an hour?"

"I don't see why not," Will said. He beamed to all of the Institute's residents. "It's nice to be home." Sophie and Jessamine looked indifferent, but Tessa smiled back.

"We're happy to have you back, Will," she said.

Will gave them all a nod, and then walked out of the dining room, with Magnus just behind him. Will wanted to tell Magnus to just leave him alone, and he wanted Magnus to come with him to his room and help him forget about everything, the way he had last night.

"That could have gone worse," Magnus said. Will just shook his head and got to the steps leading upstairs. He began up the steps but found that Magnus was no longer beside him. He turned to see Magnus still at the bottom of the steps.

"Do you need me here?" Magnus asked. Will shook his head. "I'm going to go home. I want to get settled in myself. Perhaps I'll stop by this afternoon? We could have tea."

"Tea, right, of course," Will said. "Don't feel obligated to come back. I know you're busy. I'll see you around."

"Don't be that way," Magnus said. He climbed the steps and stood face to face with Will. He touched Will's arm and Will pulled away, putting some distance between them. "I had a wonderful time traveling the world with you. I just want to go home for a little while and get unpacked. I'll be back in a little while, and we can do whatever you want. Would you like to sit in the alcove? I'll bring over a good book and we can read."

"What I want is for you to just leave me alone," Will said. "I told you. I don't deserve your forgiveness, or the love you offer. I don't want to be with you. Just please leave me alone."

"I told you I would be here," Magnus said. "I know, it would be easier if I just let you go, wouldn't it? But being easy and being worth the fight are two separate things. I told you before. I want to be with you. Anyway. Anyhow. Anywhere."

"I can't," Will said. "Now please, leave me alone. Never come back here, Magnus. I don't want you here."

"I love you," Magnus said, once more. "I love you, and I'll be back later." He kissed Will on the cheek but Will pushed him away and ran up the stairs. He didn't stop until he got to the door to his room. Jem used to live in the room right beside his, and Will used to go to sleep every night to the steady sound of Jem's breathing.

Now, Will ignored the door to Jem's room and went into his room instead, forcing himself not to cry.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Feel free to review. I really do appreciate your thoughts!<strong> **Also, I know I put up a teaser at the end of Leave the Lights Off and said it would be in Chapter 1, but Chapter 1 became massive and I had to cut it in half. I promise it shows up in Chapter 2.** **But here is another teaser because I do feel bad: **

"It can be our little secret," Will said. "I won't tell anyone. I'll keep this secret all to myself. I'm very good at keeping secrets."


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: This story is M rated for a reason! Don't read if you can't handle any sort of sex between two willing participants. I own none of the character which appear in the book Clockwork Angel. Thanks for reading! Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Just as Will had amassed a formidable pile of clothes on the floor of his room, there was a crisp knock at the door and Will went to open it. A woman stood in the hallway, dressed in a navy blue dress and wearing a white hat on her head. She had a riot of red curly hair and piercing green eyes. She was clearly a few years older than him and was more than likely closer to Charlotte's age than his own. Will invited her in and pointed to the pile of clothes.

He knew her name was Beatrice and also knew that she had arrived sometime after Sophie had discovered she was pregnant. Will couldn't recall that time period all that well. Making the maid's life a living hell on a daily basis was no longer a priority. Of course, Will could always make an exception when the moment struck him.

"Medium to hot water for the shirts. Not too much soap; it makes me itch if you don't rinse things properly," Will said. "I'm Will Herondale." He extended his hand and gave her his best smile.

Beatrice looked up and blushed. She was shy, just like Sophie had been. Still, she put her hand out and shook his, then waited for him to let go. Only, Will didn't let go.

"Beatrice O'Connor," She said.

"You're an Irish lass, am I right?" Will asked. Beatrice nodded and Will cleared his throat. "I said, you are-"

"I am," Beatrice said. She had an accent that would have betrayed her heritage if her appearance had not. "Is this all you need washed, Master Herondale?" Will smiled and released her hand.

"I'll be needing the blanket and sheets on the bed washed as well. I plan on getting them dirty," Will said with a smirk. Beatrice avoided his eyes. "Look up, please. I find it very disrespectful when a woman doesn't make eye contact with the man who is speaking to her." Beatrice looked back at Will. "Besides, it would be a sin for you to hide your beautiful eyes behind such a bashful demeanor. Come now, sit. I know you must work very hard."

"I should be getting to the washing," Beatrice said.

"The washing can wait. Sit. I know how hard you work here," Will said. "Why don't we take a moment to get to know one another?" Beatrice blushed, and then sat down on the bed. Will sat beside her. Beatrice looked down at the floor, but Will placed a finger beneath her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking into his eyes again. Will licked his lips and smiled. "I can't tell you the last time I was in the company of such a beautiful woman. Are you married, Miss O'Connor?"

"Oh, no, Master Herondale, I am not," Beatrice said.

"A pity," Will mumbled. "Any man would be fortunate to be married to you. If I was your husband I would dress you in the finest clothing and appreciate you as though you were a fine piece of art. It is a shame you haven't a man to make you happy. Tell me, Miss O'Connor, have you at least been kissed?" Beatrice blushed deeper and shook her head. "Would you like me to be the first to kiss you?"

"Oh, Master Herondale, I don't think that is right or proper…" Beatrice began. Will ran his hand down the left side of her delicate jaw and kissed her gently upon the lips.

"You were saying?" Will asked. Beatrice placed her hand on Will's chest and Will placed his hand over it. He gazed at her with a tender expression and Beatrice smiled, just the slightest bit.

"Master Herondale," Beatrice said, "I need to get to the laundry." Will's fingers lightly caressed Beatrice's hand as he continued to look into her eyes.

"If you were my wife I would start kissing you and never stop," Will mumbled. "You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?" Beatrice shook her head and Will released her with a nod. She stood up and began to put the laundry into a basket she had carried in. Will told her to wait a moment. He stood up, unbuttoned his pants, and dropped them to the floor.

"Master Herondale," Beatrice said. Her tone was shocked.

"Yes?" Will asked. "Is something the matter?" Beatrice took in Will's plaid boxer shorts, which were almost covered by the bottom of his shirt. Her cheeks turned bright red and she attempted to look away but looked back a moment later, her eyes looking every bit of exposed skin up and down. Will folded his pants and tossed them into the basket. "Miss O'Connor. Have you found something of interest on my body?"

"You're a beautiful boy. It's a shame that you know it," Beatrice said. Will walked over and touched her on the cheek.

"You're a beautiful girl," Will said. "Come now. Let's go to the bed and do what we both want." Will took Beatrice's hand and guided her back to the bed. They sat side by side once more. "You want me to kiss you again, yes?" Beatrice nodded so Will kissed beneath her ear, then across her right cheek, and finally on her lips. He kissed her harder, deeper, and she lifted a hand to push him away. "No?"

"This is very inappropriate," Beatrice said breathlessly.

"It can be our little secret," Will said. "I won't tell anyone. I'll keep this secret all to myself. I'm very good at keeping secrets." Beatrice smiled and resumed kissing Will. When he nudged her back onto the bed, she went willingly, and he knelt down between her legs. "You're allowed to say no, you know."

Beatrice smiled and shook her head, which confused Will for a second, until he moved his hand up her skirt, to the inside of her thigh, and she spread her knees, so he moved his hand higher and found a pair of well worn panties he pulled down.

"If I was your husband, I would buy you lovely lingerie," Will said. He tossed the panties onto the floor. "A beautiful girl deserves beautiful underclothes. May I see beneath your skirts, Miss O'Connor? I want to see what beauty you have covered up."

"Oh, Master Herondale…" Beatrice said.

"Please?" Will asked. "Oh, pretty please, Miss O'Connor?"

Beatrice looked resigned as she reached down and pulled up the hem of her dress, baring her knees, thighs, and most personal parts to Will. He looked down and gave it a quick look over, finding her to look like most any other woman he had seen. Will smiled.

"Oh, Miss O'Connor, it's beautiful, much like a rose that has not yet opened!" Will exclaimed. His smile was gleeful, and Beatrice smiled as well. "It's a shame you've kept this all to yourself. I feel like the luckiest man alive to be in the presence of such beauty."

"Master Herondale," Beatrice said. "The laundry…"

"Miss O'Connor," Will replied, "You're simply driving me insane with desire. Might I be allowed to touch you? Please, say no if I would be imposing on such loveliness."

"Touch me," Beatrice said. Will reached down and touched her carefully. She spread her knees more and so he pressed two fingers inside of her. Beatrice wiggled against him, licking her lips. Will's fingers went in to a certain point, and then felt resistance he easily pushed through. He felt both wrong and right. Beatrice gasped and Will removed his fingers.

"Have I hurt you?" Will asked. Beatrice shook her head, so Will again pressed his fingers into her. He leaned down and kissed her again. He found himself to be suitably aroused so he pulled his hand away. "I don't think I can stand this tease much longer. Perhaps you should see to the laundry, and I should see to a very cold bath." Will climbed from the bed but Beatrice asked him very quietly to return, and so Will climbed back onto the bed and resumed touching Beatrice.

It was wonderful to touch a woman in this way, and to hold such power over her. Beatrice desired Will, and Will was no stranger to a girl's desire for him. Will watched as a blush covered Beatrice's chest as he continued touching her most sensitive areas, until she was moving herself against his hand, making quiet pleasant, moans. When Will kissed her, she kissed back.

"Do you wish for me to make love to you?" Will asked.

"Make love to me, Master Herondale," Beatrice gasped. "Please, Master Herondale. I want you."

Will felt a little shock rip up his spine at her tone. With her consent, Will reached into his bedside table, brought out a condom, removed his boxer shorts, applied the condom to himself, and spread her knees even further apart. Beatrice collected her skirts so they were out of the way completely, and Will gave her what she wanted.

She cried out the first time he pushed inside of her, so Will covered her mouth with his hand and mumbled sweet, lovely words until she was finally comfortable. They began kissing again as Will thrust into her and withdrew again and again. He had been with many girls before, ones who claimed to be virgins and were and more that claimed to be virgins but weren't. With Miss O'Connor, Will could tell that this was the first time she had ever been with a man. Will smiled and looked into Beatrice's eyes.

"You really were a virgin," Will said. He laughed and Beatrice smiled shyly. "Oh, Miss O'Connor, I feel like the luckiest man alive!"

Beatrice dug her nails into Will's back and Will kissed Beatrice deeper as he thrust harder into her. She began arching her back and pushing against him, so Will thrust into her harder, relishing in the looks of pain and pleasure that crossed her face. Finally, now, he didn't feel as broken as he had been upon first arriving at the Institute. If anything, he felt stronger than ever before.

Will felt close to finishing when there was another brisk knock on the door before it opened. Will growled and pulled the back of his shirt down over his bare backside.

"Mr. Herondale!" Sophie cried. Will sighed and turned around to glare, not even bothering to pull out.

"Yes Miss Collins?" Will asked.

"Charlotte has asked that you and I meet her in the drawing room now," Sophie said. Will turned back to Beatrice and kissed her on the lips.

"If you were my wife, I would hope you weren't so demanding," Will said. He rolled his eyes. Beatrice smiled and Will pressed into her again.

"William Francis Herondale Junior!" Sophie screamed. Will turned to find Sophie standing beside the bed, a look of disgust on her face. She glared at Beatrice for a moment, then turned her eyes back to Will.

"I'm coming, dear!" Will exclaimed, "I'm coming!" He thrust into Beatrice deeper. She moaned in pain but pulled his hips against her more.

The door slammed shut and Will gave Beatrice a smile. He took another three minutes, faked a loud and ecstatic orgasm, then pulled out and went into the bathroom to clean up. When he walked back out Beatrice was stripping the now bloodstained blankets from the bed. Will went to his dresser and got a new pair of trousers he pulled on.

"I'm sorry about Miss Collins. She thinks she can burst into anyone's room because she used to be the maid until she got pregnant doing what we just did. It seems as though our little secret isn't going to be just our little secret. Although if you wanted to meet for the occasional late night rendezvous, that can be arranged. I'm not interested in anything tangible, of course, I only want pleasure," Will said. Beatrice glared at Will, but he just smiled back.

Two minutes later, Will walked out of his room and immediately had his earlobe seized by Charlotte. She pulled him down the hallway and into the drawing room by it. Will went along with her, having no choice otherwise.

"Three days, William! Three days before you turn 18 and I am allowed to force you from this very Institute!" Charlotte cried.

"This isn't the welcome home I was expecting," Will said. "Where's my fattened calf? I was lost but now am found! The prodigal son has returned!" Charlotte flung Will into a chair beside Sophie, and then slammed the door to the drawing room. Henry was sitting behind the desk and jumped a little in surprise.

"You will apologize profusely to Miss O'Connor," Charlotte said. "You had no right, William-"

"From now on I wish to be addressed only as Master Herondale," Will said. Charlotte's face showed barely contained rage. "What? Jem is the only one allowed to fuck a maid? At least I wore a condom. I won't have to worry about… that." Will scowled at Sophie's stomach. Sophie sat on her hands and pressed her lips closed. She looked close to tears.

"He didn't fuck me," Sophie said. "He loved me, Will. And I know you hate that he loved me but he did love me. He loved me enough to be with me briefly and he loved me enough to let me go when he knew he couldn't give me everything I needed. This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen!"

Sophie finally dissolved into tears. Henry gave Will a judgmental glare, as did Charlotte, so Will finally reached over and patted Sophie quickly on the arm.

"There there," Will said. "I'm sure he didn't mean to get you pregnant." Sophie reached into the sleeve of her dress and withdrew a handkerchief she blew her nose into.

"We both loved Jem, and it is to my hope that you and I can both love this baby," Sophie said. "I hope we can come to some sort of agreement."

"I beg your pardon?" Will asked. "An… agreement?" He looked up at Henry, who was watching Charlotte.

"This has happened before," Charlotte said. "This is why the Clave frowns upon relations between mundanes and Nephilim. Fortunately, you and Sophie have a simple, but personal, decision to make. Sophie cannot be made into a Shadowhunter, but the child she is carrying will be born a Nephilim. You and Sophie must decide how you want to raise the child, either as a mundane, or as a Shadowhunter. The Clave has no say in this matter. The decisions rest solely on you and Sophie."

"But I thought the Clave can lay claim to children born to Shadowhunters," Will said.

"That only applies to children born to members of the Clave who then choose to leave the Clave," Charlotte said. "Sophie was never a member of the Clave. If she chooses to leave the Institute tomorrow, we would be unable to stop her."

Will sat back in his chair and looked over at Sophie. She had her hands folded on top of her stomach. He recalled the day Sophie climbed up to the alcove and forced Will to place his hand on her stomach. He had felt something inside of her making its presence known, and Will realized that this baby belonged to Jem, and no matter what, the baby would never replace the life Will had lost. Jem was gone, he would never come back, and this baby would only be a cruel reminder to all Jem had left behind. Whenever he looked at the baby, Will would see Jem.

"It's Sophie's decision," Will said. "I want nothing to do with Jem's child." Henry winced from behind the desk but said nothing.

"That's where you are wrong, Will," Charlotte said. "As Jem's parabatai, you are considered his next of kin, and since Jem had no parents, you really are this child's only relative besides Sophie. You have a responsibility to the baby, like it or not."

Will folded his arms and looked away from Sophie. He wanted to curse Jem for putting him in this predicament, but he couldn't imagine actually cursing Jem.

"Spend some time thinking over this. Talk. Weigh the options," Charlotte said. "But keep in mind that this is Jem's son. Did he ever discuss any plans for the future with either of you? Did he ever mention having children?" Sophie shook her head and looked over at Will.

Will thought back to the many thousands of personal conversations he and Jem had. They had each inventoried one another's hopes and dreams and while they never discussed it, Will was the only person who knew Jem's desires for life.

"He didn't think he had the necessary means to conceive a child," Will said. "He thought he was sterile."

"That was why he broke up with me. Well, beyond the fact that he was madly in love with Will," Sophie said.

"You're just jealous he loved me more than you," Will said.

"That's right, I'm bursting with jealously," Sophie snapped. "Jealousy and everything else. I'll have you know, Mr. Herondale, that Jem gave me another reason for ending the relationship. He wanted me to find a husband and have a family. Funny how things work out, isn't it?"

Will turned back to Sophie and took in her absolutely massive stomach, then looked up to her infuriated face.

"This is no picnic for me either, sweetheart," Will said.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I welcome your thoughts so share them if you would like. Here is a teaser for Chapter 3:<strong>

Will looked up at Tessa as he breathed in a sharp intake of air. Tessa met his eyes and stepped closer.


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading (and thanks to the readers who message me!) You all make this experience fun. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

After debating things for an hour, Sophie finally claimed she was tired and left the room. Charlotte went after her and Henry spent some time trying to talk to Will the way a father would, but Will couldn't stand to talk about the baby anymore, or the other awful subject Henry had yet to bring up.

Henry, to, had lost his parabatai, but he had been older then Will was now. Will vaguely remembered that time, as it had occurred right after Jem had come to the Institute. Henry had been devastated over Peter's death and had disappeared for a very long time. Then one day he emerged from the Library and had gone down to the crypt, where he surrounded himself with objects that didn't breathe or think, that he didn't have to worry about loving. He had never been the same since.

Will wondered what it would be like to go to the alcove up in the Library, lay on the floor, and ignore everything his body craved. He wondered what it would be like to waste away into nothing more than dust.

"I'm sorry, Will," Henry said. Will had been staring at the floor, but he looked up. He didn't ask why Henry was apologizing because there were so many reasons why he would feel sorry for Will.

Will stood up and started for the door, but Charlotte walked in and said that they planned on making Jem's old room into a nursery since it was one of the larger rooms in the Institute. As for now, the room was still full of Jem's things Will had yet to go through. Will left the drawing room and went back to his room to find the bed made perfectly. There was no evidence of his trangression with Miss O'Connor. He paced the length of the room for a minute or two, then went to Jem's door and opened it.

The room was exactly the same as it had always been: warm, inviting, and neat. It smelled subtly like lavender from the soap Jem used. There was a bed and a bureau for clothing, as well as a desk and a steamer trunk at the end of the bed that would have held the rest of Jem's earthly possessions. Will went to the bureau and opened it to find a bottle of brandy sitting beside a wooden box, so he removed both the box and the brandy and went to Jem's desk. He unscrewed the lid of the brandy and had a sip before opening the jewelry box.

When Jem's parents had died, friends of his family had packed up what possessions and money they could and had sent them with Jem to London. Jem had created a detailed list of all he had owned a few years before, and three days after the funeral, Will had sat by as Jem's will had been read and his things distributed among the Institute's residents. Everything remaining in this room was now Will's responsibility.

Will took another burning sip of the brandy, and then picked up a small picture resting in the jewelry box. The picture was of Jem's parents. Jem wasn't with them, so it had to have been taken before Jem had been born. Most notable about the picture was that Jem's parents had been standing on the front lawn of the London Institute. Jem's mother had been from China and Will couldn't remember how or why she had come to London.

There was another picture as well, which showed Jem's father looking very young with his arm around a man Will recognized as his own father. They wore matching runes on their wrists and were each smiling. They had to have been just barely 17, nearly the same age as Jem had been when Will swore to him. In the background, Will could just make out a youthful looking Benedict Lightwood. His eyes weren't on the camera and were instead trained on Will's father. Benedict had never mentioned Will's father, not that that Will had expected him, but he hadn't said anything about Jem's father either. Will was about to wonder about the three men in the picture when another photo caught his eye.

Resting on a layer of rings, necklaces, and hairclips lay one final picture. Will had another sip of brandy, then picked up the picture and looked it over. He and Jem were standing in the Sanctuary, each looking slightly faint but both smiling. This picture had been taken the day they had sworn as parabatai. Will could barely remember the ceremony, and only recalled that he had vowed many, many things to Jem. Then there was the painful application of binding runes before it was suddenly over and they were bound together until death separated them.

Will remembered the night following the ceremony perfectly. There had been a party and it had been the first time Will had ever drank hard alcohol. Will and Jem had left the party right after dinner and had gone upstairs to this very room. It had been late December, right before New Years, and Jem had lit a fire in the fireplace before crawling into bed with Will. They had been having sex for close to two years then, but that night, it was more than just sex.

"Make love to me," Jem had whispered. Will had no idea what love was, or how to make it, but that night, they didn't kiss as hard as they usually did. They didn't grab at one another the way they used to. That time, it wasn't a battle and there was no dominance versus submissiveness. There was just Will and Jem making love as perfect equals.

Will could still see Jem's body colored orange by the fire as he lay down on his back in the bed. They had experimented with every position but Jem preferred to be on his back. He liked to be able to touch and kiss Will whenever possible. That night, Will moved between Jem's knees and Jem had reached up and ran his fingers down Will's chest, then back up again. His face reflected pain just for a second as Will went to stretch Jem carefully, and he winced once more when Will finally slipped inside of him.

Jem had reached down and rested his palms against Will's lower back as he pulled a leg up to allow Will to go in deeper. It hurt Jem, and Will knew it, so Will distracted Jem by kissing him and telling him he loved him until Jem finally relaxed. Their bodies moved together, with neither of them pushing or pulling. Will suddenly wasn't concerned with a sought after release but rather enjoying every moment.

Will had held Jem's body in his arms and felt every inch of their skin touch and that night, he let himself fall in love with the silver haired boy. He even went so far as to understand why people fell in love and got married: there was something amazing about pledging the rest of your life to someone. Will knew he would never need anyone ever again, if just had Jem.

Now, the only thing Will had to remember Jem was a collection of objects and five years worth of perfect memories.

"Bit early for a drink, don't you think?" Will heard. He looked up to see Tessa standing at the door, dressed in a dark purple dress. Her hair was braided, but a few tendrils had escaped the braid and framed her face. The purple made her eyes appear a darker grey, and for a moment, Will could only stare at them.

"If you don't begrudge me a drink, I won't begrudge you for being annoying," Will said.

"Sharp tongued as ever, Master Herondale." Tessa said. Will was surprised to find himself blushing. It wasn't that he cared that anyone knew about his tryst with Miss O'Connor, but it bothered him that Tessa more than likely knew the reason why he had done it. She had seen him so many different ways, and with Jem's help, had him figured out, like it or not.

Tessa walked into the room and Will quickly put the pictures away. He closed the jewelry box as Tessa came to the desk. "May I?" Tessa pointed to the brandy and Will nodded, so she took a sip and set the bottle back down. "I saw the door was open…" Will nodded again. "I wanted to stop by and tell you that I missed you. You and I both loved Jem in our own ways, and… it's good to have you back." Will nodded. "I also heard you're going to be a father." Will looked back at the jewelry box. There was a scene carved on the top of it and Will ran his fingers over it.

"I don't know what I'm going to be," Will said. Church pranced into the room and bumped his head against Will's leg before going to curl up on the bed. Will wanted to kick the cat but hurting Jem's cat just felt wrong on many different levels. Jem wouldn't have wanted Will to be angry at the cat. The cat had done nothing wrong.

"A baby needs a father," Tessa said. "Especially a baby Shadowhunter."

"It's just a baby. It's not a Shadowhunter until it turns twelve and starts training and can take runes. Before that it's just a squabbling little thing that asks to many questions," Will said. Tessa giggled a little, a sweet smile on her face.

"But the baby will be so darling," Tessa said. "I bet he'll take right after Jem."

"The baby will be awful. And his mother…" Will shuddered. "Do you know what I wish, Tessa? I wish, on the night that Jem decided he needed to lose his virginity that he came to you instead of Sophie. In fact, I wish you had never come to the Institute. I wish you would just leave."

"You brought me here. You didn't object to me staying," Tessa said. "I don't know why he picked Sophie. I don't know why he did everything he did before he died. But have to stop blaming others and you have to stop blaming yourself because sometimes, what happened is no one's fault!"

Will looked up at Tessa as he breathed in a sharp intake of air. Tessa met his eyes and stepped closer. She took her index finger and ran it along the edge of Will's jaw, then brushed some of his hair away from his eyes.

Will tried to pull away and tried to come up with something terrible to say but found nothing. He just looked into her grey eyes until his vision went blurry. He felt his heart throb for a second, and then the pain moved to his stomach, which seized up into a painful cramp, causing him to cry out. He bent over and wrapped his arms around his chest as he started to sob.

"Will!" Tessa exclaimed, "Will, what's wrong?"

"It feels like something awful has crawled inside of me and won't get out!" Will cried. "Am I going crazy, Tessa? Because one minute Jem was here and now he's gone!"

The tears Will had held in all morning started then. Will let them pour out of him, and he felt his heart crack in half, again. Tessa wrapped her arms around Will and held him close as he cried against her chest. Nothing would be the same, ever again.

* * *

><p>When Will finally stopped crying, he asked Tessa to leave him alone and she obliged him. He went back to his room and found his boots. He put on a long wool overcoat and top hat and left the Institute. Will walked for a very long time up and down the streets of London, dodging some carriages and walking out in front of others. One time, he stepped in front of a horse, and the horse reared up, its front hooves carving the air in front of Will. Will considered, just for a moment, letting the horse trample him. It would hurt and he would more than likely survive, but the pain would take his mind off of everything else. He would welcome a brief respite from the pain in his upper chest and stomach that would not go away. It was as he explained to Tessa before: something had climbed into him and had taken root, and there was nothing he could do to kill the pain inside of himself.<p>

In time, Will came to a townhouse close to the Thames and stopped in front of it. There was a fire lit in the fire place which was sending curls of dark blue smoke into the air. Will stood outside for a while, until the grey slush littering the streets finally seeped into his boots. Then he climbed the front steps up to a door, raised his hand, and knocked.

Magnus opened the door after another minute. He stood by and looked at Will, knowing that sooner or later, Will would offer an explanation for why he had shown up on Magnus's front steps.

Will had been here before and he always had a reason for coming to Magnus's home. The last time he had shown up, Will had fallen to his knees on the floor of the foyer and felt his soul break as he admitted to Magnus that Jem was gone. Now, Will found himself standing, but just barely. His eyes felt hot and they might have contained tears, but the air outside was cold so Will wasn't sure. He just looked up at Magnus until Magnus stepped aside and gestured Will inside.

"I just couldn't be there anymore," Will said. He dropped his coat off of his shoulders and Magnus caught it. Will kicked his boots off and Magnus placed them beside the door.

"I have a fire burning in the parlor. Why don't you go have a seat in there? I'll make us some tea," Magnus said. He rested his hand on Will's upper back but Will shrugged away and walked down to the parlor.

The parlor was decorated in crimson and black, like the rest of the house. The windows were usually covered with drapes but the drapes were pulled aside to let in the bright light from outside. Will sat down on the sofa and looked into the fire place. Not surprisingly, the flames in the hearth were blue and smelled of a spicy herb. Will thought of the last time he had seen fire and he bit back a gag. Magnus bustled in with a tea pot, two cups and two saucers. He sat beside Will on the sofa and poured them each a cup of tea. Will took his and had a sip, feeling his stomach instantly begin to settle.

"I'm thinking about redecorating. I want the red and black gone. That was all… Camille's doing," Magnus said. He said the name as though it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "I was thinking about ivory walls and neutral curtains. What do you think?" Will shrugged. "I'm also thinking about getting a cat. It might be nice to have a little life in here."

"I have a smashed faced Persian you can have," Will said.

"You would never give Jem's cat away. Besides, that cat is immortal and I don't have time to commit to a cat that never dies," Magnus said.

"Of course, because living forever is a curse, I forgot," Will said.

"It's not a curse," Magnus said. "It's just… I'll be nineteen forever."

"Right, of course. I feel sorry for you," Will said.

"Good work with the sarcasm," Magnus remarked. "You've come a long way, since... before."

Will downed half his cup of tea before setting it down on a saucer. He removed Magnus's cup from Magnus's hand, placed it on a saucer, then took Magnus's face in his hands and pressed his lips to Magnus's, giving the warlock the kiss he had cheated him out of the night before.

Magnus made a quiet noise of objection but kissed back. Will moved his hands to Magnus's waist and sucked gently on Magnus's lower lip. He pushed Magnus down on the sofa, then tossed a leg over Magnus and straddled him as their lips met again. Magnus spread his hands on Will's chest and tried to push him away, but then his mouth opened and Will pushed his tongue between Magnus's teeth. There was a burst of warmth as Magnus kissed him back. Will tasted lemon and ginger on Magnus's spit, so he kissed harder, enjoying the taste.

Magnus's fingers gripped Will's ribs and his nails dug in, pulling at the thin material of Will's shirt. He was making soft moans of protest. Magnus tangled one hand into Will's hair and shoved the other down the back of Will's pants.

Will felt warmth in his stomach, not unlike the warmth he felt last night. His heart was pounding and he discovered that he had become semi erect in a matter of seconds. He felt unwound and torn apart, but every burning kiss that ripped across his lips coiled him tighter and tighter. Jem had been an amazing lover, but Magnus… he knew how to pleasure Will in ways Will couldn't pleasure himself. Will began to rub himself against Magnus and Magnus not only allowed it, but gripped Will's backside hard and pressed him against himself.

The room was warm and they were both sweating. Will unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it over his head. Magnus made no move to remove his shirt, so Will reached down and did it for him. Magnus was wearing a white undershirt as well, and beneath that there was only Magnus's cinnamon colored skin. Will placed his hands on the hem of Magnus's undershirt. He looked down and saw an outline warlock's erection straining against the front of his trousers.

Will's mouth watered.

He shoved Magnus's shirt up, then began to lick generously from the waist band of Magnus's trousers up the center of his chest. There was a black mark etched into Magnus's side, and when Will ran his tongue over it, Magnus moaned in pleasure, pushing Will's face away. Will just smiled and resumed licking Magnus's chest.

Magnus's nipples hardened the second Will got close to them so Will teased the tip of his tongue over one of them and Magnus arched his back, lifting his chest closer to Will's mouth. Will pushed Magnus's shirt over his head and tossed his own shirt onto the floor as well. He raked his nails down either side of Magnus's chest, then began biting and sucking the thin skin that ran down the warlock's neck. Magnus whimpered and closed his eyes as he gripped the hair on the back of Will's head.

"Will," Magnus mumbled. His other hand was on the button of Will's pants. "Will…."

Will moved over to Magnus's other nipple and licked and sucked it as well. There was tension followed by release on the button of Will's pants, and Magnus pushed his hand inside, bypassing the elastic waist band of Will's boxer shorts. He gripped Will's shaft with the same tightness as last night, and began to touch him, stopping after only a few strokes.

"What's the matter?" Will asked.

"You're soaked," Magnus replied. He withdrew his hand and showed his palm, which was wet with several thin trails of precum.

"I'm sorry," Will said. "I just…Magnus…."

Will could feel that he was fully erect and aching for a release of any kind. He just wanted blinding ecstasy to rip through his body and leave him curled on the floor in a blissful, pain free existence. He wanted to come hard enough to see stars, and Magnus could do that for him.

"Don't apologize," Magnus said. He kissed Will again, the licked his palm as he smiled to Will, a naughty look in his eyes. When his hand was sufficiently moistened, Magnus pushed it back into Will's shorts and once again took a firm hold of his erection.

Will managed to unbutton Magnus's trousers but with Magnus's hand between them, touching Magnus was proving difficult. Instead, Will resumed kissing Magnus as Magnus continued to stroke, but something had gone missing.

Magnus pulled his lips away from Will's, and a disgusted look crossed his face, as if he had just tasted something bittersweet. Magnus opened his hand and Will was left to rub himself against Magnus's palm. Will tried to kiss Magnus harder and faster, with more passion, but Magnus avoided Will's lips, pulled his hand out of Will's shorts, and pushed Will away.

"Mags," Will said.

"No," Magnus said. Will fell back onto the other arm of the couch and saw that Magnus's hair was all messed up. The expression on his face showed hurt… just like it had the night he had walked beneath the apple tree to see Will and Jem together. "Will, I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" Will asked. "We're just doing what we did last night."

"I just can't do it, okay? Get dressed. We need to talk," Magnus said. He climbed from the couch, collected his clothing, and left the room.

Will reached down and found his undershirt, which he pulled on, followed by his shirt, which he put on but didn't button. After a few minutes, Magnus walked in, fully dressed, to find Will sipping his tea.

Magnus sat beside Will, close enough to let his left arm touch Will's right arm. "Will… were you with someone earlier?"

"Of course not," Will replied. "Why would you think that way?"

"You might be grieving but that doesn't give you the right to lie to me," Magnus said. His voice sounded strained, like he wanted to yell, but didn't dare to. "You use people, Will. You used someone today, not along ago. Don't try to deny it. I can smell her all over you. Who was it this time?"

"The meaningless maid," Will said. "She's nothing to me, Magnus. You're something to me. There's a difference." Magnus shook his head.

"You were with her and then you came here and thought you would be with me? And I'm supposed to just allow this?" Magnus asked. "I forgave you. I forgive you. But it doesn't make up for the fact that six months ago, you hurt me. I put my soul on the line for you and I thought you cared about us, and maybe you did, and maybe, you didn't."

"Now Magnus," Will said with a laugh, "You and I both know we don't have souls."

Will heard Magnus's gasping breath in the same moment he saw Magnus's eyes fill with tears. Magnus covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head. A second later, Magnus sunk his nails into Will's shoulder and shoved him off the couch.

"Does my forgiveness mean anything to you? Or do you just feel off the hook enough to go hurt more people?" Magnus asked. "I know you, Will, whether you like it or not. You think if you don't care you'll never have to hurt. You just hurt everyone else."

"I didn't realize you thought you had a soul," Will said. "You're part demon…"

"Get the fuck out of my house!" Magnus cried. "Get, out, Will, GET OUT!" He kicked Will in the thigh, and then stood up, gathering his strength like leopard ready to strike. Will had the good sense to grab the rest of his things before Magnus pushed him from the parlor, down the hall, and paused for Will to shove his feet into his boots. Will was suddenly out the door, into a flurry of snow, as Magnus threw Will's coat at the back of his head and slammed the door shut.

For the first time in a very, very long time, Will suddenly felt as though he was really and truly alone.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Okay, listen. Some reviews would be really, really nice. I at least want to know that this story is being read and is either being enjoyed or hated, but I can't know any of that if none of you tell me what you think. I know you're reading this (I know you're out there!). I'll take criticism but not outright flames. I will enable anonymous reviews again if that is what you want. Basically, I just want to hear from you. Reviews make my little heart sing, so please, pretty please… review? Here's a teaser to Chapter 4:<strong>

"Have you ever wanted to kiss someone so badly, it hurt?"


	5. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thanks to all my amazing readers who read every chapter I write (and many, many thanks to the ones who faithfully review every chapter and give me another reason to keep writing) and thanks to everyone who clicked onto any of the stories I have written. Writing these stories is a lot of work, yes, but it's readers like you that make it fun! Enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

The cold air outside of the house swallowed up the noise of the door slamming shut. Will found that his ears were ringing. He looked back at the door, then put on his coat and walked down the front steps. Will kept walking, down the street and over to a set of stairs leading down to a dock. He walked down the steps, went to the end of the dock, and sat down.

Will had heard stories of the River Thames freezing solid, but it had never happened during any of the years Will had been living in London. Now the water flowed by swiftly, but with the appearance that it was thicker than usual. There was a cold breeze coming off the water that numbed the exposed bits of Will's skin. It was unpleasant, but it was nice to be able to feel something.

The last time Will had been in ice cold water, he had been at Shadowhunter Academy in Idris, and it had been January. They had been training (Will couldn't remember the exercise) and Will recalled that after five minutes in the water, he stopped shivering, and after fifteen minutes, he was slurring his words and Jem had to pull him out. If Will jumped into the Thames, right now, after about ten minutes he would be washed into the ocean and no one would ever have to worry about him, ever again.

"I'm sorry," A voice said. Will turned around to see Magnus standing behind him. He looked back at the water. "It's wrong for me to expect things from you, ever. But that doesn't mean I can't want things for us. It doesn't mean I can't want to make you happy and I can't want you to want to make me happy." Magnus walked over and sat down beside Will.

"You're worth the fight," Magnus said. "You and Jem had something amazing. He saw something in you, Will. Maybe you know what he saw and maybe you don't. The point is, you did all sorts of terrible things to people, and you didn't want to be loved and you refused to be loved, but Jem never gave up on you. He saw something in you that made him want to love you, and no matter what, he loved you until the very end."

Will's eyes filled with tears and he brushed them away.

"What's so wrong with me wanting to find the same thing?" Magnus asked. "Do you really want to go through your life with no one?"

After Magnus had caught Will and Jem together, Magnus had disappeared and Jem had walked away. Will had stood beneath the apple tree and realized that finally, everyone hated him. He had gone so far as to have Magnus and Jem turn their backs on him. Even though he eventually reconciled with Jem, and even though Magnus was beside him now, for several hours, Will had everyone so angry with him, they wouldn't have minded if he had walked away from the Institute and never came back. Will could recall six awful months in Wales, and how a simple, stupid mistake caused his parents to wish he had never existed. Suddenly, Will was twelve years old again, realizing that there was no one left to call his own.

"I hate that he died and I hate that you have to hurt because of it. You in pain is the worst thing I have ever laid eyes on," Magnus said. "I just want you to be happy but I can't make you happy when all you do is hurt me."

"I'm sorry I said you didn't have a soul," Will said. "Maybe you do. I just thought that…"

"It's not just what you say. It's what you do," Magnus said. "I show that I care for you and you pull away. You retreat inside of yourself and you're just… gone. I tell you I love you and you think up a hundred reasons why I shouldn't. I can't keep giving you things and get nothing in return."

"Then stop giving me things," Will said.

"I can't stop wanting to care for you. I love you, Will. I can't just change my mind about that. Believe me, I've already tried," Magnus said. "There are a thousand reasons why we shouldn't work but I've got a million more reasons for why I want to be with you. You and I were through, but then you showed up here, and you were crying, and your world was over, and I let you bring me back because even in my most heartbroken hour I still wanted to be with you. Now, I want to be the man you need me to be. I want to be what you need now, and maybe, ten years from now."

Magnus rested a hand on Will's upper back.

"Loving someone besides Jem scares the hell out of you. I understand. It's why you hurt me before, but I can't live through that again. I won't. You've hurt me for the last time. After this, there is no going back and fixing it," Magnus said. "I love you, Will. I don't know how I can stop loving you. I want to take you into my house and keep you there and I don't want anything to hurt you. Everything you ever loved, you lost. I just want to be the person you'll never have to lose. Will you please just let me?"

"I can try," Will said. He turned and saw that Magnus had tears in his eyes.

"Just try. That's all I ask," Magnus said. Will nodded and looked out over the water.

"I need you, Magnus," Will said. "There's no one else I can turn to but you." Will squeezed his eyes shut to keep his threatening tears at bay. "I just need you, Magnus." His voice cracked and he thought he might lose it for what had to be the third time today when he felt Magnus take his hand and hold it tightly.

"I'm right here," Magnus said.

* * *

><p>They went inside soon after and Magnus prepared soup for lunch. Will stood beside the stove and watched as Magnus stirred the soup and added various spices.<p>

"Can I have the pepper?" Magnus asked. Will turned around and regarded the cupboard, which was still organized from the last time he and Magnus had a fight. Will had lay on the kitchen table and watched as Magnus straightened and alphabetized every single bottle in his cupboards. Will had never felt as close to death as he had on that night. He had hurt Magnus in such a cruel and unexpected way. That night, Magnus could have just left Will to die on his front steps, but instead, he had pulled Will inside and had saved his life. Will had never realized just how often Magnus had been there, whenever Will needed him. "It's right here."

Magnus put a hand on Will's hip and reached over Will's shoulder to get a small bottle of pepper. When Magnus stepped away and returned to the soup, Will swore he still felt Magnus's touch. Will turned back around. Magnus shook the pepper into the pot and handed the pepper back to Will, who nearly dropped it as he and Magnus locked eyes. Will felt the bottle slip through his fingers, but Magnus snatched the jar out of the air and never broke eye contact.

It was unnerving to be looked at in that manner. It was like Magnus had seen Will at his most intimate and heartbreaking moments. He had, in fact, seen Will at the worst moments of his life. After everything Will had done, Magnus still wanted to stand beside him, and still wanted to love him. Will had spent a lifetime pushing people away to the point that they did what he wanted them to do. Magnus was different. Ever since that first night Will had come to him, he had never been able to get rid of Magnus Bane.

"You can put it back," Magnus said. He pressed the bottle of pepper into Will's hand. Will put the pepper away and leaned against the counter once more. Magnus stirred the soup and sniffed it, finally looking away. "How about the salt?" Will turned back to the cupboard and found the salt between the saffron and the tarragon. When he turned back around, he found Magnus's eyes back on him. Will handed the salt to Magnus and swallowed nervously. "Have you ever wanted to kiss someone so badly, it hurt?"

"I beg your pardon?" Will asked.

Magnus dropped the jar of salt onto the counter, causing some to spill out.

"Bad luck!" Will exclaimed. He reached with his right hand to toss some salt over his left shoulder, but Magnus grabbed him by the hips, pushed him against the counter, and kissed him on the lips.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said.

"Please don't be sorry," Will said, and Magnus kissed him again.

Will moaned and squeezed his eyes shut. His hands clenched into fists, then opened. He took Magnus by the waist and pulled their bodies tight together. Will parted his lips and felt Magnus gently offer his tongue. Will exhaled and returned the kiss harder and faster than Magnus had intended for it to be, but instead of pulling away, Magnus kept up with Will's frenzied pace. Will let himself feel nothing but Magnus's warm, sweet lips against his own. He felt himself become completely unhinged, if only for a second.

"I was with someone else!" Will said. "The meaningless maid, Magnus!"

"Am I meaningless?" Magnus asked.

Will searched Magnus's eyes for a clue to the answer he was supposed to give, but realized he already knew the answer. Magnus didn't need to say it.

"Not meaningless," Will gasped, "anything but meaningless." He reached down to pull Magnus's shirt free of its tucked in state.

Magnus shut off the burner beneath the soup and lifted his arms so Will could pull the shirt over his head. He wasn't wearing an undershirt, and his tan skin looked even darker in the dim light of the kitchen.

Magnus sunk his fingers into Will's hair as Will kissed and licked along the length of his collar bones. His other hand came up and he began to quickly unbutton Will's shirt. Magnus got it open, pulled the shirt off, and dropped it to the floor. He pulled Will's undershirt over his head, pressed his lips to the center of Will's chest, and ran his hands over Will's tight and newly acquired muscles. Magnus handled Will roughly, and grabbed bits of muscle and skin as they resumed kissing.

Will found that he didn't mind Magnus touching any part of his body, in any way. If anything, it was even more apparent that Will's body did things to Magnus that Magnus wasn't ready to admit to. The warlock's skin already felt fever hot and was making the soft moans in the back of his throat Will hadn't heard for at least six months. Magnus's hands roamed all over Will's body, and beneath Magnus's fingers, Will felt his body waking up and coming alive once again. When Magnus said that he wanted Will, he hadn't been lying.

Magnus placed a kiss at the top of Will's jaw line, beneath Will's ear. He teased his tongue and warm breath against that spot, and then kissed down Will's neck to his chest. He licked a long line down the center of Will's chest, and then nibbled at the skin over Will's hip bones.

Will leaned against the counter and ran a hand up Magnus's back. He licked his lips, reached down, unbuttoned Magnus's trousers, pushed them down to Magnus's thighs, and took Magnus's slowly emerging erection in his hand.

Will recalled last night, and how he just knew, despite the circumstances, that Magnus had been just as aroused as he was, but Will hadn't been able to even think about touching Magnus in this way. Now, Will found Magnus's erection to have hardened to a nearly solid mass and he had to wonder how long Magnus had neglected his own desires.

"Will," Magnus mumbled. He pushed Will's hands away from his painfully erect member, kissed him on the lips and unbuttoned his trousers as well. Magnus slipped a hand inside, and it took every bit of self control Will had to whisper,

"No."

"Why?" Magnus asked. "I forgive you for being with her. I just want you."

Will ran a hand down the side of Magnus's face and kissed him with his eyes closed. He didn't pull away when the kiss was done.

"Then I want to be clean for you," Will said. "The only thing I want you to smell and taste is me."

Magnus took Will's hand, pulled him out of the kitchen, down the hallway, and into the bathroom. He turned on a light with the snap of his fingers, snapped his fingers again at the bathtub, and hot water began to pour into the claw foot tub. Magnus grabbed two towels and tossed them onto the floor beside the tub, then wrapped his arms around Will's waist and pulled him back to him. Magnus's body slammed against the bathroom counter and grabbed Will by the backside, continuing to touch Will rough enough to ensure that Will felt each and every grab. Their lips settled into a perfect rhythm of give and take.

When the warlock's desire was painfully apparent to the both of them, Will pushed Magnus's pants down and knelt on the floor. With a trembling hand, Will ran his fingers down Magnus's waist to the base of his erection, took it in his palm, and pressed the head of it to his lips. Magnus moaned and closed his eyes, dropping one hand to Will's shoulder. Will looked up at Magnus, smiled, licked the head of Magnus's cock once, then twice, and then took the length of it into his mouth. Magnus protested but certainly didn't push Will away.

"Don't forget…" Magnus said. Will looked up at him, annoyed, and then released Magnus's cock from his mouth. "You can't swallow it."

"Give me fair warning then," Will said. "The last thing I want is demon pox from this." Magnus scowled and Will took his erection back into his mouth, nodding his head slowly up and down, forcing the look to quickly disappear from Magnus's face.

It didn't take Magnus very long at all. The bathtub filled with hot water, the air got hot and humid, and in less than two minutes, Magnus pushed Will away and came with a polite yet grateful moan. He pulled Will to his feet and undressed him the rest of the way. Magnus shut off the water and climbed into the bathtub, and Will sat in front of him.

Magnus picked up a bar of soap and ran it down Will's chest as Will lay back against him. They didn't speak; they didn't have to. He took his left hand and ran it down Will's chest, tracing the path the soap had taken, and nuzzled his lips against Will's neck. Magnus dipped the soap beneath the water and slipped it across Will's lower stomach, then reached down with his right hand and gripped Will's erection. Under the steaming hot water, Magnus began to stroke as he continued to tease his lips down Will's neck.

"No," Will mumbled. He turned around in the tub so that he was facing Magnus, recovered the soap, and began to wash the parts of his body Magnus had missed. Magnus kissed Will on the lips again. When Will was finished washing himself, he took the soap and began to rub it over Magnus's skin. The scent of roses came up between them as their lips met again, slower this time than before. When he was finished, Will dropped the soap into the water and put his arms around Magnus, pressing his lips to Magnus's, silently begging for more.

Magnus turned his back on Will and Will knelt behind him in the bathtub. He nibbled his way across Magnus's upper back, choosing to bite in various spots. Magnus's hair was damp, so Will moved it aside and kissed at the base of Magnus's hairline, causing the warlock to push back against him. Magnus moved his legs beneath him and knelt in front of Will. He rested his arms against the sides of the bathtub. Will leaned forward and kissed Magnus on the back, then reached down into the water and found Magnus once again hard.

"No," Will whispered. "Not this way. I want to be in your bed when… it happens."

Magnus didn't ask what was going to happen and Will wasn't ready to admit that he wanted to it happen. Magnus stood up in the bathtub, climbed out, wrapped a towel around his waist, and offered a hand to Will. Will climbed out, got a towel, and followed Magnus from the bathroom.

They slipped and slid down the hallway to the door of Magnus's room. Magnus tossed open the door and walked in, and Will followed. Magnus pushed the door closed and pressed Will against it. Only the soft cotton of their towels kept their still moist bodies separate. Will ran his hands down Magnus's arms, feeling hot skin and muscle beneath his hands. Magnus pressed his warm, smooth chest against Will's as they kissed and touched.

"Are you sure?" Magnus asked.

"You said I'll never have to lose you. You're the only thing I'm sure of," Will replied. He closed his eyes and kissed Magnus with everything in his body, giving so much to Magnus, he felt like he had never run out the door in the first place.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Now review. Please? Offer me some thoughts? I like thoughts. Here is a teaser for your thoughts:<strong>

He closed his eyes and saw Jem's evil little smirk, the one he always got whenever he and Will were about to do something both bad and good.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! This gets smutty so please don't read if you don't like it. Thanks for the reviews, feel free to offer more. Enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

Despite Will and Magnus's close proximity to one another and the heat between them, Magnus's bedroom was cold. With an annoyed expression, Magnus pulled his face away from Will's, pointed at the fireplace, and snapped his fingers. Several logs burst into flames and Will smiled. He put a hand on Magnus's waist and kissed him.

The drapes were open in the room, casting a ray of sunlight onto the bed. Will walked over, dropped his towel to the floor, and sat on the bed. Magnus followed quickly, crawling across the large bed to Will. Magnus pushed Will onto his back, pulled his knees apart, lay between them, and buried his head between Will's thighs. He took Will's cock and teased his tongue over the tip of it, gently, barely opening his mouth.

Will groaned and drug his body up further on the bed, so that he was resting against several fluffy pillows. He spread his shivering knees further apart. Will gripped the soft blanket covering the bed with his fists and inhaled a few hiccupping times.

"Too much?" Magnus asked. Will shook his head and swallowed. His neck felt warm and he rested his right hand against the side of it. His pulse throbbed beneath his fingers and the first shock of sweat forced its way out of the skin over his ribs. Magnus moved a hand down Will's stomach, to the base of his erection, and took most of Will's cock into his mouth. He began to suck with the same caring expression he had worn since first pressing Will against the bedroom door.

"No," Will moaned. "No, Magnus… I want you." Magnus gave Will an imploring look, never moving his lips from Will's shaft. "I want you, Magnus. I want… you." Magnus lifted his head.

"You mean like…" Magnus began. Will nodded. "But why?"

Will couldn't explain it. Always, before, Will had been on the giving end of things with anyone he had ever been with, but could also recall the two times he allowed someone else to give. Will wanted to feel unhinged, and if Magnus was willing to give so much of himself to Will, Will wanted to feel all of him.

"Please," Will said. "I just want it that way."

"Okay," Magnus said. He lay beside Will on the bed, and kissed him on the lips. "Okay."

Magnus rubbed the first three fingers on his right hand together, and then dipped his hand low, carefully touching Will and depositing something warm and wet against Will's backside. The moment it touched Will's skin, it felt hot, but not unpleasantly so. It was the same sort of warmth Will had felt the night before, but it somehow felt so much more intimate now that Will was completely naked with Magnus.

Will moved his hips a bit, pressing himself against Magnus's hand, but Magnus shook his head. They resumed kissing as Magnus began to move his fingers slowly in and out of Will's body.

"I just want to go slow," Magnus said. "Slow, Will."

Will pulled his lips away from Magnus's face and remoistened them. His lips already felt sore and slightly numb. Will ran a hand through Magnus's thick, silky black hair and kissed him gently on his bottom lip as he looked into Magnus's eyes.

"Slow," Will said. He pushed his lips back against Magnus's mouth and kissed the opposite of slow. Magnus grumbled in protest but didn't slow down.

Magnus took his hand, which was now just slippery enough, and began to stroke Will's cock again; pulling thin skin over Will's already engorged muscles. Will looked down at Magnus's hand and felt his breath catch as he watched Magnus squeeze and slide his hand up and down Will's shaft. Magnus flicked his wrist as he settled into a rhythm, rubbing Will quickly in one second, slowly in the next, bringing Will close to orgasm without even intending to.

Will bit his lip, whimpering a bit, and returned to kissing Magnus. Magnus took the last two fingers on his hand and resumed teasing them against Will's backside even as he continued to slide his hand up and down. Will moved his left leg to the side, opening himself up more, and allowed Magnus access to every achingly sensitive nerve in his body.

"I wish there was a word that described how this felt to me," Magnus said. His voice sounded quiet but awestruck. "It feels…"

Will closed his eyes, rested his forehead against Magnus's shoulder, and thought of a hundred words that described what being with Magnus felt like. It was arousing. Amazing. Dangerous. Frightening. Perfect.

"I…" Will mumbled, "I like this, Magnus." Magnus smiled and kissed Will gently on the cheek.

"I like it to," Magnus said. He could have said so much more, but he had wanted to go slow, and so he did, even with his words.

Will lost track of time. He could have laid there for hours, enjoying Magnus's every touch and kiss, but soon, the pressure began to build in his stomach. He found himself kissing Magnus harder than intended, but it did the trick. Soon, Magnus was just as aroused as he had been before. Will didn't have to say anything and neither did Magnus. When Magnus stopped kissing and reached into the bedside table for a condom, Will lay on his back and took a few breathes to slow his heart down. Magnus kissed Will on the cheek once more, then carefully tore open the wrapper and applied the condom to himself.

"Do you want to try something?" Magnus asked.

"What?"

"Straddle me," Magnus said. Will sat up and tossed a leg over Magnus's waist, resting his knees on either side of the warlock's hips. "You control this, okay?" Somehow Will remembered this position once before, but he had been lying on his back and someone else was on top of him. "Don't go…" Magnus angled his cock up and Will moved his hips the slightest bit. There was uncomfortable pressure, so Will took a deep breath and let the swollen head of Magnus's cock slip into his body.

Magnus let out a string of foreign words and grabbed Will by the hips. He sunk his nails in and struggled to remain still, lest he move wrong and hurt Will.

"Never mind, never mind," Magnus gasped.

Will was beyond the thought of minding. He grimaced but pressed down harder onto the warlock's unyielding erection. There was something powerful and arousing about being the one who controlled the pain of the initial penetration. Will rested his palms on the backs of Magnus's hands, and took a few easy breaths. Magnus's eyes opened and closed slowly. His hands had begun to sweat and the rest of his body burst into a light coating of sweet smelling perspiration.

Magnus's entire body felt like fire between Will's knees. He was still pressing against Will's entrance, partially in. Will inhaled and exhaled again, then moved his hips back and forth, slowly, until every thick inch of Magnus was all of the way inside of him.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Magnus said. He placed a hand on Will chest and Will reached up to run his fingers over it.

"It's okay," Will said. He closed his eyes and smiled. "I like it, Magnus. It's perfect."

Will brought Magnus's hand to his mouth and kissed every finger on it. He moved his hips back and forth and felt Magnus's cock brush against the deepest part of himself. The first shock of pain and pleasure shot through Will's body, and he arched his back as it raced up his spine. Another jolt followed quickly, and ignited so many nerves in Will's chest; he threw his head back with a strangled moan. Will bucked his hips against Magnus's slick, sweaty body and thought about the word "surrender" as he feverishly gave himself over to everything Magnus was offering.

Magnus moaned Will's name over and over again. He never attempted to quiet his ecstatic cries but instead let each of come from his throat at full volume. His hands shook as he took Will by the hips and pulled his body against his. Magnus wrapped one hand tightly around Will's cock and resumed his rhythmic stroking.

Will closed his eyes, pressed harder against Magnus pelvis, and felt the warlock all the way inside of him. The first initials throbs of his orgasm started in his lower stomach as Magnus moved his thumb over the head of Will's cock, flicking it quickly over the sensitive, moist slit. Magnus could have said something; Will wasn't sure. His eyes flickered closed and he felt like he was close to losing something.

"Magnus," Will mumbled. "This feels…"

"I'm going to come," Magnus said. There was little doubt in his voice. "Will." Magnus squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back. "Oh, Will…" Magnus arched his back, but Will pulled away quickly and caused Magnus to moan in short lived disappointment. Will lay beside Magnus on the bed. Magnus looked over at Will with a shocked look on his face.

The drapes were wide open, and anyone could have looked in and saw them together this way, but that suddenly didn't matter.

"I don't know how…" Magnus mumbled.

"How?" Will asked.

"How it can be so good with you," Magnus said. He ran a hand down Will's chest, all the way to the center of his hips, and teased the bit of hair Will had on his lower stomach. "I just want to touch you any way I can. I just want you anyway I can get you!" Will smiled, and Magnus laughed. He kissed Will on the lips and let his lips linger there, longer than expected. Will put his hand on Magnus's cheek and sighed. For a moment, they wanted to only hear the other's soft breathes.

Magnus rolled onto his side and pushed Will down onto his back. He again moved between Will's legs, touching him gently and running his hands down the inside of Will's thighs. Will braced his feet against the bed and Magnus re-entered him in one smooth motion, then pinned his right leg down, thrusting deeply and stroking the same spot he had before. With his left hand, Magnus took Will's cock and began to caress it with long, luxurious strokes. Will found it comfortable to move one leg more to the side, so that Magnus could settle against his body and resuming kissing him.

"I love you," Magnus said. Will shook his head but Magnus didn't push for a response. He reached down and angled Will's hips up more and thrust deeper, rolling his hips against Will's body. Magnus groaned against Will's lips but kept thrusting. Will tried to say something and found his words coming out as a smashed up mess. Magnus smiled, and Will smiled back.

"Make love to me," Will managed.

"I am," Magnus replied.

Will moaned as he felt himself nearing an inevitable climax. There was still the pain, yes, but there was also the deeper pleasure within his body Will had somehow forgotten all about. It had been so long since he had felt this way.

"Oh, Will," Magnus groaned. "You have no idea…"

Will kissed Magnus again, then reached down and took Magnus by the hips. He pulled Magnus against him, more and more, and found his thoughts flickering the way they had last night, back and forth, this time between what was happening in this bed, and what had happened beneath the apple tree.

Will could see Jem's face looking half drunk with pleasure, his lips red and raw. He could see Magnus now, his face lightly covered with a light sheen of sweat, his eyes closed and his throat making a strained gasp.

"Magnus," Will mumbled. He closed his eyes and saw Jem's evil little smirk, the one he always got whenever he and Will were about to do something both bad and good. "Mags…" Will sunk his nails into Magnus's sides and tore at them, drawing blood, but Magnus didn't notice.

"I need to come," Magnus said. "Will-" Will saw Jem knelt before him, his silver hair bouncing between his thighs, beneath the apple tree. "Will!"

Will felt his body suddenly burst into heat as the first, unexpected spurt of his orgasm fell onto his stomach. He really and truly thought he might be dying as it happened again.

Magnus took in a massive breath of air. He thrust in deep, once more, and then pulled out. Magnus fell apart before him, coming so hard, his entire body shuddered.

"I love you so much," Magnus said. "Will, I love you." He reached down to rest a hand on Will's stomach but Will slapped his hand away. Will rolled onto his side, covered his eyes with his hand, and cried until he couldn't anymore.

Magnus never asked for an explanation and Will never offered one. As usual, Magnus just understood. He held Will tight and rested his chest against Will's back, and some time later, Will stopped crying and fell into a deep sleep. He woke up only to feel Magnus pull a blanket over them and then nestle back against Will, rubbing his stomach with his finger tips. Will so long, Will had ached to have someone share his bed. He wondered why he hadn't come to bed with Magnus sooner.

They passed the afternoon in this manner, keeping their bodies close together as they slept. Sometimes, Will would wake up to find that Magnus was facing him, his arms wrapped around Will's body and his face pressed to the center of Will's chest. Other times, Will woke up to discover that he was curled around Magnus's back, his own face resting against Magnus's shoulder blades, one hand over Magnus's heart and the other resting on Magnus's hip. At one point Will woke up to find a cookie tin pressed against his arm, and they ate butter cookies in bed before they wrapped back up in blankets and went back to sleep.

* * *

><p>When Will opened his eyes again hours later, his head was spinning with hunger. There was still a fire in the fire place but it had burned down to orange embers. The drapes were closed, the room was dark, and a gas lamp, which provided a small amount of light, was lit on the bedside table.<p>

Will climbed out of bed and found his shirt tossed over a chair. He put it on, and then found his boxer shorts, pants, and boots. He dressed slowly, waiting for Magnus to come in, but Magnus never did. Will's boots sat on the hearth beside the fireplace, so he walked over, got them, and put them on, enjoying the feeling of warmth on his feet for a moment.

There were voices coming from the parlor across the hallway from Magnus's bedroom. A man and a woman were talking. Will was able to distinguish Magnus's voice but was unable to fine tune his hearing to identify the woman, whose voice sounded familiar, Will went to the door of Magnus's room, opened it, and crept out.

The hallway was freezing cold and completely dark. It had to have been close to dinner time, since it was no light coming from the window at the end of the hall. Will's stomach grumbled and he put a hand over it, and then went to the parlor door, which was open a crack.

There was a roaring fire lit in the fireplace, but the room was otherwise completely dark.

Magnus was standing in front of the fireplace, dressed in pants, a white shirt, and a dark red waist coat. He was tossing little sticks into the fire and causing the flames to snap and turn various colors. Will was about to push the door open when Magnus spoke.

"Six months, Camille. You were gone six months…" Magnus said.

Will looked over to the couch and saw a woman sitting there. She turned her head the slightest bit, as if she had heard something. Will stilled his breathing as Magnus walked over to the couch and sat down.

Camille Belcourt was dressed in a black velvet gown. Her hair, which was more silver than blonde, hung in curls around her face. Her cheek bones were high and she wore red lipstick the color of blood. She was beautiful; even Will could admit that, and more than that, she was timeless. She had lived a thousand years but didn't carry the weight of those years on her shoulders, the way Magnus did. Perhaps it was because she never really had lived all those years; she had merely existed.

Magnus had dark circles under his eyes and his expression was somber. "You told me you were never coming back," Magnus said. Will flinched at the pained tone of Magnus's voice. He wanted to walk into the room and comfort Magnus, but at the same time, he wanted to see what would happen next.

"But I'm back now," Camille said. "I'm back to ask you to come away with me. We can go wherever you want, darling. I just want to be with you."

"You want to be with me now. What's going to happen when you change your mind? When Archer and Walker prove to be better lovers than I? When they can give you what you crave and I still cannot? What then, Camille?" Magnus asked. "I can't live my life waiting for you to make good on your promises to me. I was with you for sixty years and I shared you for sixty years."

"But you had me for sixty years, and you can have me for sixty more," Camille said. "I know all about you and the little Nephilim. I can smell him all over this house. He's very near now, isn't he? His scent is strong. You must have spent all afternoon in bed with him."

"I didn't-" Magnus began.

"Don't deny to me your carnal desires," Camille said. "Is it the silver haired boy?" Magnus scowled. "No, of course not. When you have a desire to be with a man, you go looking for a man, not a fragile boy. I know your type."

"You know nothing of what happened in the last six months. You were gone, Camille," Magnus said. "Gone for my life. You said you were never coming back."

"It's the one who went to De Quincey's party with the shape changing girl," Camille realized. "The Welsh boy with the dark hair and ocean colored eyes. That's the one."

"It's none of your business," Magnus said. His eyes flitted to the door and Will stepped back, blending into the shadows.

"He's what, just about to turn eighteen? And then he'll be nineteen, Magnus, and twenty and twenty one and in sixty years, he'll be seventy eight. That's to say he makes it to old age, which, considering the rumors about Will Herondale, is doubtful. I thought you knew better than to love someone who will eventually die. He might be a Shadowhunter, but his life could be just as temporary as your beloved wife Tabby's was."

Magnus had a hand on her thigh but he pulled it away. Part of him looked hurt, but part of him… Will couldn't identify what Magnus was feeling, and he didn't have to, because suddenly, Camille had Magnus by the back of the head as she pressed her lips to his. Magnus pulled away in one second, and then fell forward in another.

Magnus had done the same thing to Will before. It was as though he didn't want to kiss someone, but always gave into his own infernal desires in the end. Magnus had kissed Will that way earlier, and Will knew where they had ended up. He swore he could still feel Magnus inside of him, but none of that mattered now.

Magnus's right hand touched Camille's cheek as she ran her fingers down the side of his neck, right over his jugular vein. Will would have intervened, because it looked like Camille was preparing to bite Magnus, but he found for a moment that he could not breathe.

So this was how Magnus had felt when he walked beneath the apple tree to find Will and Jem lying together naked. Will's heart began to pound and his body broke out into a cold sweat. He stepped backwards from the door, one step followed by another, until he bumped into the wall opposite the parlor door. Will's shoulder hit the edge of a painting, knocking it off the wall and causing it to clatter to the floor. Will stared at the painting and heard his lungs gasping for air. He heard Magnus call his name, sounding panicked, but Will didn't- or couldn't- answer. Will ran down the hallway, skidded to a stop at the door, pulled it open, staggered out into frigid London night, chose a direction, and began running.

"I deserve this," Will thought. "This is something I deserve."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please review. So Camille, huh? Thoughts? Here is a teaser:<strong>

For the first time ever, Tessa could see every bit of his skin that had once been covered by a shirt soaked with holy water.


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Sorry I have updated again so quickly. I have a lot going on and wanted to get my update out of the way. Please enjoy, please review. **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter<strong> **6**

"Will!" Magnus screamed. "Will!"

Will had no idea where he was, only that he had been running, and Magnus was chasing after him, but somehow, Will had managed to evade him. The streets were icy and Will fell time and time again, smashing his bones against cobblestones and soaking his clothing until it clung to him like wet parchment. Magnus gave up the chase Will as Will staggered beneath the front gates of the Institute.

Magnus stood in front of the gates. He could have come in, but he gave a respectable distance instead. Magnus's face was soaked with tears and he was sobbing breathlessly. He took another step forward, lifted his hand, and called to Will with strained sounding voice.

"Will," Magnus said. "Please, Will. Stop and listen. I know I did wrong. I know I hurt you. I'm sorry, Will. I love you, please forgive me. I just want to talk to you. I love you so much. Don't let this be the end. Please. I love you."

"I'm sorry for that." Will said, "The feeling is no longer mutual."

"I love you, Will, GODAMMNIT I LOVE YOU!" Magnus screamed. He had completely lost every bit of self control and was now, pathetically, at Will's mercy.

Will feared the words that might come out of Magnus's mouth. Perhaps, if Magnus said the right word, Will might have grabbed Magnus by the hand had pulled him inside the Institute, and they would have worked it all out, but Magnus kept saying the wrong word over and over again, or, perhaps, Will just didn't want to hear that word anymore, coming from Magnus.

"Will," Magnus said. "Will, I…" Magnus took a step forward, getting within an arm's length of Will. He put a hand out, offering himself to Will, and Will took a step back to avoid his touch. "I love you, Will."

"Burn in hell," Will said. "Burn in hell, you soulless demon."

Will didn't wait to see how his words cut through Magnus's like a hot blade. He didn't watch as Magnus crumpled to his knees and begged Will for forgiveness. Will spun around, slipped on the icy stone walkway, climbed up the front steps, pulled open the Institute's door, and slammed the door closed once he was inside.

Will leaned against the door and shocked to find tears running down his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around his body and let himself sob, quietly, for several minutes. He thought about everything that had transpired this afternoon and wondered if it had all been just a game to Magnus. Perhaps Magnus only said he had forgiven Will for his past transgressions with Jem, and now, this was Magnus's revenge. Of course, that was what it was. Will had done a terrible thing and it was right that Magnus punish him.

Will's body felt bruised and his bones felt broken. He let himself feel the pain and believe that he deserved it. Will had hurt others; many others, in fact. It was only right that he feel pain as well.

When Will had caught his breath and calmed himself, he ran upstairs and didn't stop until he got to the floor his room was located on. The corridors in the Institute were lit by muted bits of witch light. As Will crept down the hallway, he could tell that it was nearly bed time for everyone. Charlotte and Henry would have turned in first. Will and Jem used to be the last ones still awake. They always used to have a reason to stay up late together. Now…

Will let out a shuddering breath and tried to contain his hysteria as he walked into his bedroom. There were so many things which had happened in what felt like such a short span of time. Too much had happened. Jem died and now, Will found himself wanting to follow.

Will pulled open the door to his bedroom and walked in. The room was pitch black, but Will kicked off his boots and found his way over to his dresser. He opened the top drawer and withdrew the dagger he had brought from his parent's home in Wales. The hilt of the dagger was adorned with both runes and soaring birds. It had belonged to his father, and had been one of the few things his father had kept from his past as a Shadowhunter.

Will unbuttoned his shirt, then took his left hand and rested it over his heart, which was still pounding from the run. He lifted the dagger with his right hand, pressed it to the skin over his heart, and felt the sharp point of the dagger bite into his cold and clammy skin. Will grimaced and focused on a spot on the wall, envisioning the blade slipping through his skin and muscle. It would bypass his ribs, and by the time Will was ready to pull it out, it would have already pierced his heart and caused a magnitude of blood to flood his chest and lungs. Putting the knife through his chest and into his heart would burn and hurt like hell, but it would be irreversible.

"You're home early," Will heard. He spun around, the dagger still to his chest, as Tessa walked in. She looked like an angel dressed a white nightgown, with a mauve dressing gown tied over it. "And chilled to the bone. Honestly, Will, you could catch your death running around like this." Tessa walked over, grabbed Will's hand, and pulled it and the dagger away from his chest with cool and crisp composure. This was such an unexpected change from the quiet and meek individual Tessa used to be, Will had no choice but to let her do as she wished. "Drop it, Will." Will opened his palm and Tessa took the dagger from him. She tossed it into his dresser drawer, got a spare blanket from the end of his bed and laid it over his shoulders.

"Leave me alone," Will said.

"I've got a fire lit in the drawing room. I was reading down there, since it's so cozy. Come sit with me. You could tell me about your day," Tessa said. She walked out of the room. Will waited a moment and then followed.

Tessa was sitting in a chair beside the fire. There was another chair available but Will instead sat down on the floor in front of Tessa's chair. She had her eyes on her book, reading as if she had never been interrupted.

Will found himself cold, so while Tessa was suitably distracted, he reached up, unbuttoned his shirt, and pulled it off. He exposed his back to Tessa for just a moment, but she kept her eyes on her book.

"It would be good of you to get out of those clothes," Tessa said. "I won't watch."

"Aren't you curious?" Will asked. Tessa smirked.

"Cold as you are, it's not like you have much to show," Tessa offered. Will smiled, fleetingly. Tessa had always been able to make him smile, not that he would admit to it.

Will reached down, unbuttoned his pants, and pulled them off, leaving his boxer shorts still on. He pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and laid the pants on the hearth beside his shirt. Tessa didn't say anything and neither did he, despite the fact that he was now nearly naked, less than a foot from her, and they both knew it.

Will was still shivering, but Tessa lay a hand on the back of his neck, which had started to ache. She began to massage, lightly, and the pain began to fade away.

"What book are you reading?" Will asked.

"The Green Book," Tessa said with a sigh. "I found it in the Library. It's all about warlocks, and their contributions to modern society. It's pretty boring."

"I hate warlocks," Will said. "All they ever do is tell lies and half truths. They're no better than faeries." His eyes filled up with tears again but his back was to Tessa, so she couldn't see him crying.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tessa asked. She moved her hands to Will's shoulders and began to knead. His closed his eyes as he felt her fingers dig into the tight strips of muscle across his back. Her touch was warm and without planning to, Will found himself starting to relax.

"No," Will said. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm here if you want to-"

"Jem was more than just my parabatai," Will said. It was the first time he ever said it aloud. He had always expected something awful to happen the first time he ever mentioned the affair out loud. Surely, the moon would fall from the sky, or, at the very least, Tessa would kick him into the fire and call him all sorts of awful names. None of that happened. The fire snapped, sparks flew up the chimney, and Tessa said,

"I know."

"No, you don't. You only know that he and I had sex… and whatever else Sophie would have told you," Will said. "You don't know that he was my lover in so many different ways. You don't know what it was like to go to bed with him, to lay close to him all night, and then to wake up beside him the next morning. I loved him, Tessa. The kind of love everyone wants to have, I had with him."

"You were very fortunate," Tessa said. Will stared at the fire and saw only bright orange blurs in front of his eyes.

"He told me when he was dying that he wanted me to love again. He couldn't bear the thought of me being alone without him. I promised him I would, but I don't know how," Will said. "I thought I could love Magnus… but now I don't think I can love him either!"

"What happened with Magnus?" Tessa asked. "I know you are he…"

Will shook his head. He and Magnus had never known what one was to the other, and now, Will was unsure if they would ever find out.

"Magnus and I had something, and then we didn't, and then I thought we might, again… but then I saw him kissing Lady Camille," Will said. "He has been nothing but faithful to me. What changed? I never wanted anyone to love me, but he wanted to… so why did he stop loving me?"

"He kissed Lady Camille?" Tessa asked.

"She kissed him and he was a willing participant. It just happened," Will said. "I took off and he chased me here, and now…"

Will found his words suddenly stick in his throat. He felt himself falling towards something, and he couldn't stop it. He tried to take deep breathes and but there it was: the ripping pain in his chest, and the hot, messy breakdown all over again.

Tessa had been the last girl Will ever thought he could show weakness in front of, and yet here he was, crying to her for the second time in less than a day. It wasn't his proudest moment. Will had begun to wonder how much pain a human body could take before it exploded, and has his body shook with silent, agonizing sobs, he was certain he was at his limit.

"Am I doomed to lose everyone I could ever love?" Will asked.

"He couldn't have meant to hurt you," Tessa said. "The Magnus I know would never be able to hurt someone, and especially not you. Camille can be very convincing and even more so manipulative. She found a way to hurt Magnus by hurting you."

"I thought he loved me!" Will said. "He said he wanted to be the person I never wanted to lose. How did Camille….?"

"He still loves you, Will. He chased you from his house, back here, for a reason. I don't know why Camille is back, or why she wants to interfere with you and Magnus," Tessa said. "You must listen to me, Will. You must be strong. You're going to survive this."

Will disagreed. He tried to collect his tears, but they continued to pour out, so Will finally gave up and cried until he was cried out. Tessa continued to rub away the knots of tension in his shoulders, and finally, he found himself nearing calmness.

"Do you want to hear something, Tessa?" Will asked. "I hate Jem." Tessa didn't look surprised, but she didn't respond either. "I could never actually hate him, but he left at the worst time. I just want him back, Tessa. That's all I want." A little smile crossed Tessa's face as she looked into the fire. "What?" Tessa leaned down so that her lips were close to Will's ear. She brushed a bit of hair away from his neck and spoke at a whisper.

"I hate Sophie," Tessa said. "She gets to move on because she has to worry about the baby. It's the perfect distraction. She doesn't even act like she misses him, you know. Jem broke her so perfectly, for every good memory she has of him, it's tainted by the fact that he told her he loved you more. Now at some point she is going to give birth and the baby will take up all of her time and she won't have to mourn Jem. Then there is you and I, who loved him and can't seem to move on."

She was right. Will knew there was no love lost between Magnus and Jem, and while Magnus understood what it was like to lose the love of your life, it had happened to him so long ago, he couldn't have recalled the pain Will was feeling now. Even Sophie wouldn't ever understand how Will had felt, for she had loved Jem briefly and then had her heart broken by him. But Tessa never had her heart broken by Jem. Her feelings for him had always stayed the same. There was anyone at the Institute who's pain came close to the pain Will was feeling, it was Tessa.

"Oh, Tess," Will mumbled. He reached up, took the book from Tessa, set it on the hearth, and threaded his fingers between Tessa's. Will pulled her hand and Tessa moved from the chair onto the floor beside him. Tessa's nightgown and dressing gown spread around her and caused Will to remember the passionate kiss they had shared so many months ago.

Will could recall feeling very ill upstairs in the attic after DeQuincey's party, but then Tessa had come to him, just when he needed her to. They had kissed- Will could remember the kiss as warm and sensual. He had tugged her hair down from the clasp it had been in and for the briefest of seconds let himself want to feel love for her. He had been astounded to feel nothing at all. He admired her strong will and friendly demeanor, but he never felt the sort of love she deserved from him.

However, there had always been something between them, something Will couldn't identify. He was drawn to her the same way he was drawn to dangerous situations. He wanted to see what would happen next, and what sort of good and bad things they could do together. Tessa was perfect for Will in so many ways. She understood him more than anyone else. Will wanted to believe that some part of Tessa might have even loved him. He wanted to press his lips to Tessa's and have her take away the pain he felt. When Will had a dagger to his chest and wanted to die, Tessa was the one who would pull the dagger away and make him want to live.

The fire snapped in the hearth and Will turned to Tessa. The blanket fell from Will's shoulders and he didn't bother to recover it. For the first time ever, Tessa could see every bit of his skin that had been just barely covered by a shirt soaked in holy water and blood. Will shivered and felt a tear drop fall onto his hand. His chin quivered as he looked into Tessa's cool grey eyes. He thought of Magnus's eyes and thought about how he could stare into them for hours and never feel lost, and his heart broke just a little more.

"Tess," Will said. "Tess." He wasn't sure why he was saying her name but knew he was pleading for something. "Tessa…"

Tessa reached over with her right hand and ran her palm down the side of his bicep. He flinched but allowed the touch, which was neither hot nor cold but rather a steady warm. Her skin was soft, not callused the way his hands were. Tessa's fingers twirled around the runes on his forearm and his skin ignited into goosebumps. Will shuddered but didn't pull away. She had looked at him, before, like she wanted to touch him, and now, his body was begging for any bit of comfort she could provide.

The place Will had cut himself with the knife had bled a little but had dried. Tessa looked down at it, and then gently moved her finger over the cut. Will met her eyes and felt his breathing cease. He closed his eyes, and leaned forward. He sensed Tessa close by, her face near his. Will wanted to kiss her with every fiber of his being, and kiss her hard enough to forget his feelings for Magnus and Jem, but if he did that, he was no better than Magnus.

Will opened his eyes and looked up into Tessa's eyes. She lay her hand on his chest, over his heart.

"No," Tessa whispered. "Let's go to bed." She stood up, as did Will, and he found that there was no doubt whose bed he would spend the night in. Will collected his blanket back around his shoulders and weakly followed Tessa from the drawing room, down the hall, and into her room. They climbed in bed side by side. There was no touching but there was intimacy all the same. They covered up with a heavy blanket. Will moved his hand beneath the covers and Tessa laid her hand on top of his. Sometime later, they finally fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please review. How about a teaser? <strong>

"You're giving me an ultimatum?" Will asked.


	8. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Thanks for the wonderful reviews and continued support. Does anyone have any questions so far? I thought I would ask. Remember, I own none of these characters! I promise this won't be ALL fluff. Enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

Will woke up the next morning to Tessa's hand still holding his. Her body lay close and Will opened his eyes to find himself sharing Tessa's pillow. He closed his eyes and heard an ear piercing scream coming from two feet away. Will rolled over and found Sophie standing beside the bed, growing hysterical with every passing second.

"I didn't hear you come home and I was worried and I found your bed empty and-" Sophie gasped.

"Why do you care whether or not I come home?" Will asked.

"Then I come into Tessa's room and I find… I find…" Sophie gestured wildly to the bed.

Tessa leaped out of bed, ran into the bathroom, and slammed the door closed. She was still mercifully, completely dressed, but Will glanced down to find himself in a pair of thin cotton shorts which were dangerously close to exposing far more than what an unmarried woman expected to see.

"Good morning, indeed," Will said.

Sophie screamed and covered her eyes. "WILLIAM HERONDALE! Have you no shame?"

"Darling, you should know better than to ask questions you already know the answer to," Will said. "You've lived in this Institute how long?"

"You can't just go sleeping with girls!" Sophie cried.

"You're just jealous I never wanted to have sex with an ugly bitch like you," Will said. Sophie lashed out with her nails on her right hand but Will rolled away and managed to avoid her wrath.

Charlotte and Henry arrived, still in their pajamas. Henry pulled Will from the bed, hustled him from the room and tossed him into his own room. Henry didn't have to say anything; Charlotte did all of the cursing for him. Sophie fainted onto Tessa's bed, fanning herself with her hand as she babbled incoherently. In the midst of everything, Tessa came out of the bathroom and tried to explain, but it did no good.

* * *

><p>Breakfast was a tense ordeal. No matter what Tessa said, the words "we only spent the night together!" just weren't the proper explanation. Will could have said why he went to Tessa's room, but that would have meant explaining what had occurred between them in the drawing room. He could have said that sleeping alone made him feel truly alone and that last night, all he wanted was a warm body to share a bed with, but he didn't. Charlotte was red faced and angry and Henry looked disappointed and Will concluded that he would rather be hated then pitied.<p>

Following breakfast there was another meeting in the drawing room. Will was supposed to apologize to Sophie but he refused to.

"Why does it matter who I share a bed with?" Will asked. "I shared a bed with Jem for many years. I've shared a bed with Magnus several times. So Tessa and I fell asleep together. It doesn't matter. I'm not romantically involved with Sophie. I don't have to stay faithful to her."

"I would die if I was romantically involved with you," Sophie snapped.

"Go ahead. It would do us all a great deal of good if you just died," Will said. "Go on, now. When you see Jem, make sure you thank him for me." Sophie gasped and her eyes filled with tears.

Will looked up to see Henry and Charlotte glowering behind the desk but not saying anything. Will lived for their reactions. He loved how he could horrify Charlotte or shame Henry into silence. But now, he only heard Sophie's sobs.

"I lost him to, Will," Sophie said, "And the worst part of it is that I didn't get to love him as long as you did!"

Will turned to her and looked at her not as Sophie, the girl Jem used to love, or as Sophie, the girl who was currently pregnant with a baby Jem would have welcomed with open arms. He looked at her simply as Sophie, the girl who had never harmed a living soul, who was afraid of loud noises, who had her heart broken by the only man she ever loved and now had to spend the rest of her life looking into the face of the child he had left behind.

"I'm so sorry," Will whispered. "How can I make it right?"

"You have to be the man Jem would have been," Sophie said. "I wouldn't have picked you for this task, but Jem already did. I can't fathom the idea of raising a baby with a man like you. You're a child, Will. You may walk and talk and even have sex like an adult but it's all to cover up how frightened you really are, about everything. Prove to me you're willing to be better than this, or I'll leave and you'll never see this baby again."

"You're giving me an ultimatum?" Will asked. He wanted to laugh. He certainly didn't respond well to ultimatums, but something in Sophie's tone caused him to take note.

"You've given me no choice," Sophie replied.

"You can't leave," Will said.

"You did," Sophie said. "You've made a life out of leaving. You've made yourself heard. If you never want to think about this baby ever again, I can make that happen. I'm a resourceful girl. I have money. I can spin a good story. If I tell enough tales, perhaps no one will know the truth about me." Will felt his mouth fall open. "As you know, William, the right words can cover up any sort of past." Sophie crossed her arms and looked back at Charlotte and Henry.

"May I be excused?" Will asked.

"You may go to the locker room and get dressed for training. You're going to do some sparring today," Henry said. "I think you need to burn off some energy."

"Who am I fighting?" Will said.

"Me," Henry replied.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later, Will walked out of his room in training clothes to find Tessa walking down the hallway towards him, her head in a book. He whispered her name but she didn't hear him, so he seized her by the arm as she past and pulled her into a bedroom.<p>

"Will!" Tessa exclaimed.

"I'm sorry about this morning," Will said. "I didn't think…"

Tessa covered her mouth her with hand but was unable to keep her eyes from smiling.

"Surely I'm going to hell!" she said.

"You'll have good company," Will said, "but Tess…." He reached over, touched her on the wrist, and she instantly sobered. Will took a step closer and she studied him, her eyes darting back and forth. "About last night… all of those things I said, about Jem and Magnus and Sophie? I need that to stay between you and me, alright? Sophie is really upset and…"

"I can keep your secrets," Tessa said. "I can keep all of them if I have to."

"Thank you, but that is a burden even I don't want," Will said.

"You can trust me," Tessa said, "so trust me."

* * *

><p>Not long after, Will was standing in the training room when Henry walked in. They were both dressed in light and stretchy training clothes. Henry was wearing a jacket he took off and tossed over a bench. He began stretching, so Will followed.<p>

Will gathered that they would be sparing hand to hand because Henry had wrapped his knuckles with strips of cloth to cushion the blows. He decided against doing the same. Henry was past thirty and well into his prime as a Shadowhunter. His training had been completed long ago and Will couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Henry pick up a weapon to use in battle. If Henry was looking for a fight, Will was going to give him one.

"When Charlotte told me she was pregnant, a little bit of me died inside," Henry said. He stretched his hands to the floor.

"Having a child with her would do that to a man," Will joked.

"Shut up," Henry said. "You will spend this entire training session in silence. If I ask a question, you will answer it. Otherwise, your time will be spent listening." Will nodded. "As I was saying, a little bit of me died inside…."

Henry went on to explain that the Institute's current state of affairs made this an awful time to have a child. Nate Grey and Mortmain were still on the loose, and there had been reports of more mundane murders. The demons other Shadowhunters were dealing with every night were putting up more of a fight than usual, and the demon that killed Jem had struck again, leaving one Shadowhunter caught somewhere between life and death. Then Sophie was pregnant and Charlotte was trying to help her with it. Henry and Charlotte hadn't been trying to even get conceive a child, but suddenly, one night something must have happened and now they were expecting a baby.

"But I've just got to roll with the punches," Henry said. "The baby isn't going to just go away just because I hadn't planned on it arriving. You have to understand, Will, babies come into this world with nothing. Sophie and Jem's little one doesn't know that his father died, or that you hate his mother. That baby is just going to show up one day, and he's going to be hungry, and he's going to want to be loved. You've got to love him, because that's what babies need. Love. And so do you. You need to be loved and you need to give love in return." Will nodded again. "Alright, then, son. Keep it above the belt."

Will had a second to wonder what Henry meant before Henry slammed both hands into Will's shoulders. Will staggered backwards, but suddenly his feet were off the ground and he hit his tail bone on the floor so hard, his head throbbed.

"What was that for?" Will demanded.

"Sophie," Henry replied. "I told you. No talking. Now are you going to get up or not?" Will climbed uneasily to his feet and walked in a slow circle around Henry. Henry was Will's height and even had the same build. Will's weak spot was his stomach. He could handle a blow to the face but had taken so many hits to the stomach that any wrong kick could level him. Perhaps Henry was the same.

Will approached Henry and lifted his right hand like he was going to punch Henry in the face, but he sent his left hand towards the center of Henry's stomach. Then there was a terrible ripping pain in Will's left arm as his body was flung against a wall hard enough to crack the plaster. That time, Will felt his ribs break as he landed in a heap on the floor. He stood up, trying to shake off the pain, but it was impossible.

"Are we finished yet?" Henry asked.

"Just getting started," Will replied. He rushed at Henry again, but this time, Henry grabbed Will by the hair and shoved his head down between his knees. Off balence, Will fell painfully onto his kneecaps.

"You aren't fighting fair," Will said.

"Shut up," Henry said. "Neither are you."

Will came at Henry again and again and every time, Henry found a way to knock Will to the floor. Will never got a shot in and as a result, Henry's face remained unmarked by Will's face began to show blood and eventual bruises. Still, Will fought, because it felt good to tear at someone and take his anger out on them and it felt good to bleed.

Will was strong but Henry was just stronger, faster, and more experienced then Will. It wasn't to say Will was unable to put up a good fight, because he got a few minor shots in, but Henry was still the alpha male at the Institute and was interested in teaching Will a lesson.

Finally, Henry knocked Will to the floor with an upper cut to the jaw and Will could not get up. He could only roll onto his side and cough up blood and bits of his teeth. The pain radiating from all of his injuries was awful but Will refused to show it.

"Clean up. It's nearly time for lunch," Henry said. He walked from the room and left Will in a puddle of blood and sweat on the training room floor.

Will closed his eyes and thought of Jem. They had never fought this hard, since they were both afraid of hurting the other. Will had no problem knocking Gabriel Lightwood's teeth from his head, but even bruising Jem made Will feel terrible. A Shadowhunter wasn't supposed to feel, they were supposed to forget all emotions. When it came to training, it didn't matter that their sparring partner was their mortal enemy or their most intimate lover. All that mattered in training was that only one of them was left standing at the end of it. Will and Jem had been right for each other in so many ways and wrong in so many other ways.

Will rolled onto his side but felt his broken ribs scream at him, so he rolled back onto his back and felt for his stele. It was gone. Henry had probably taken it, though Will wouldn't have healed himself anyway. He preferred to soak in his pain until he couldn't take it any longer. Will was in a suffering sort of mood. He could lay on the training room floor and bleed for the rest of the afternoon, for all he cared.

The door opened and Sophie walked in, carrying an ice pack. She came over and dropped it onto Will's face, then sat down beside him and sniffed at him before grimacing.

"Now you're as ugly as me," Sophie said. Will reached up and touched her stomach. Sophie moved his hand over and Will felt the insistent tap of some bony part of the baby's body as he kicked and moved and lived. "He's the busiest at night. Sometimes I can't sleep. I swear to God and the Angel he does back flips."

"Jem used to be the most awful person to share a bed with. He used to kick me in the shins at Shadowhunter Academy," Will said.

"I'm happy he was your lover," Sophie said. "He deserved someone's love." Will tried make eye contact with Sophie but one of his eyelids was starting to swell shut.

"You could never be ugly," Will said, "And you could never be a bitch."

Sophie smiled a little and placed her hand on top of Will's on her stomach.

"That's a start," she said.

* * *

><p>Will woke up several hours later in the Infirmary. His head felt heavy on the pillow, and his skin was painfully hot.<p>

"Water?" A voice asked. "Drink some water, Will." Will accepted a glass of water, and then lay his head back down. "You took a good beating, but you'll be good as new in a little while. You've got some sort of potent rune on you right now. It's why you feel so hot. Is there anything I can get you?"

"Stele," Will mumbled.

"You already have runes. Don't worry. Just rest," the voice said. "I'm here for you." Will felt someone touch his hand. Their hand was just as hot as Will's skin, and he jerked his hand away. His mind made the necessary connections and somehow allowed him to roll onto his side, away from the voice, the hot skin, and Magnus. "Can we please just talk?"

"I think Camille said enough," Will said. "I heard everything she said. In sixty years I'll be as good as dead. I'm just as temporary as your wife was. You and I would never work. I don't know why we keep trying."

"Because I love you. That's why I keep trying," Magnus said. "I thought you were going to try as well. Remember?"

"That was before you kissed that…" Will took a few choking breathes and found that his ribs were still bruised and sore.

"Will, please, just listen to me," Magnus said. Will didn't think he could climb from the bed. He kept his back to Magnus and gave no indication that he was listening, but Magnus spoke anyway. "The love I have for you is true, Will. You could do the worse things to me and you have done awful things, but try as I might, I could never stop loving you. With Camille… sometimes I loved her and sometimes I didn't. That's why she came back, because she heard you and I were traveling the world together. She knew that if I was with you, you had to be someone special to me. And she was right."

"She never had love the way you and I did. The only man she ever loved turned her into a vampire and turned her loose to find her own way. Since then, she's been so poisoned with heartache, she couldn't love someone if she tried. She never bothered trying to love me," Magnus continued. "She's jealous of true love. She's jealous of what you and I have, and what we could have. She doesn't want me to be happy with you, she wants me to only be happy with her. But I just want you, Will." Will could hear tears in Magnus's voice, but still, he didn't turn around.

"I have no excuse for what I did. I could say that we were together for sixty years and when she kissed me I kissed her back because I spent some of those years in love with her. But for every good year we had ten bad years. If it takes you sixty years to forgive me, it would be worth the wait because you are everything to me," Magnus said. "She's gone, Will. When I left here, and went back to the town house, she was still there. We had a fight, and she… she bit me. It made me sick but I was able to curse her and she disappeared again. I reported her to the Clave. If she ever comes back again, she could be very well put to death."

Will licked his lower lip and tasted blood. He wondered how the Clave would go about killing someone who was already dead.

"I love you, Will, and I'll keep saying it until you understand," Magnus said. "I want to be with you, Will. Anyway. Anyhow-"

"I just want you to leave and never come back," Will said, finally turning his head to make eye contact. "I don't want to be with you. Please, leave." Magnus stood up and leaned over Will's face. He was so close, Will could smell vanilla on his skin. Will could imagine pulling Magnus into bed beside him and holding him close until his pain went away. He thought about pushing Magnus across the room and banishing him from the Institute forever. He did neither.

"I'll be back for you, again and again," Magnus said. "I'm not giving up on you, or us."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I'm sorry this was so long. Please review! Here is a teaser:<strong>

"You're going to find that your stunts are suddenly no longer acceptable," Charlotte said. "Happy birthday, William."


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

After spending the day in bed recovering, Will went to dinner, where he ate in complete silence while everyone else made light conversation. Immediately following the meal, Will went up to his room, where he took a hot bath and drank the remainder of the brandy from Jem's room. He read a book until the words slammed into one another on the page, and then climbed into bed.

Will was to turn 18 at sometime during the night. He didn't know many of the circumstances surrounding his birth but did know that he had arrived some time after midnight, during a blizzard that nearly buried the town his parents lived in. From that point on, his mother had always believed that Will brought trouble wherever he went. She hadn't been completely wrong.

Will stared up at the ceiling as he lay in the middle of his bed. He thought about how he and Jem had once had so many plans for this night. One plan had involved them going to a bar and drinking to much, and another plan included going to a brothel and having some fun, together. Will had even figured that he might spend the night packing up the remainder of his clothes and preparing to move out.

The rules were specific. The Institute would only house Shadowhunters until their 18th birthday, and then they were to find their own living arrangements. Before, Will and Jem had plans to move out of the Institute and rent a small flat across town together. They had even planned, very briefly, to move to Paris with Magnus. They thought they would be together, no matter what. They had spent their life together making plans, and even though Will had expected Jem to die before the plans were realized, he hadn't planned on living without him.

Somewhere in the Institute, a clock struck midnight. Will rolled onto his side and drew the quilt up to his chin. He and Jem had a tradition they had shared from their first year together at the Institute. On the night before each of their birthdays, they spent the night together, so that one was the first to wish the other a happy birthday. It was a silly tradition, but for five years, they had kept it up. This was the first night Will would be spending the night of his birthday completely alone.

Will pulled his knees up to his chest and stared at the wall. He thought about getting up, leaving a note, and sneaking out. Perhaps he would go get a drink. Maybe, he would go see Magnus… but he couldn't. Not the way they had parted before. Magnus said he would be back and he would be back, and perhaps Will would forgive him and perhaps he wouldn't. Regardless, it was foolish to cross town on a cold February night just to have someone to spend the night with.

There was Tessa, but Tessa meant trouble and Will didn't have the energy to get into any more trouble. Before, he would have relished the idea of climbing into Tessa's bed and spending the night, if only to disrupt the Institute, but Henry's beating had, for once, knocked some sense into him. It wasn't worth causing trouble at the Institute.

Across the hallway, Will heard Sophie climb out of bed, cross her room, and open her bedroom door. A moment later, Will's door opened.

"Will?" Sophie asked. "Will. Wake up, Will."

"What is it, Sophie?" Will mumbled. Sophie closed the door to the bedroom and appeared beside the bed in a long, flowing night gown.

"Remember when I said he was really active at night? You have to feel this," Sophie said. She took Will's hand and pressed it to the side of her stomach. Will tried to pull his hand away but Sophie held it.

"This is most inappropriate," Will said, although he did marvel at the various kicks and punches the baby was drilling Sophie's stomach with.

"Inappropriate flew out the window six months ago, Mr. Herondale," Sophie said. "Move over."

"I will not."

"Move. OVER!"

With a frustrated moan, Will moved aside and Sophie slipped beneath the quilt, leaving a considerable distance between them.

"My back hurts and Jem's son is keeping me awake and I thought there had to have been some reason why Jem's bed wasn't slept in on some nights," Sophie said. "Treat me as you would Jem. I think Jem would have wanted you to do that."

Will looked at the woman beside him and silently cursed Jem, then apologized.

"On Jem's worst days he still wasn't an unmarried, pregnant woman," Will said. Sophie reached beneath the covers and pinched Will on the thigh. "Okay, okay! By the Angel, Sophie."

"You can share a bed with Jem and Tessa and Beatrice and Magnus and countless other whores but you can't share a bed with me?" Sophie asked. "Admit it, Will. You and I have something in common. The person who should be in our bed isn't."

"It can be argued that Jem was never in your bed to begin with," Will said. Sophie grabbed Will's hand and pressed it to her lower back. Will took the hint and began to massage the knotted muscles beneath her nightgown. He closed his eyes. "I don't think we should name him James."

"Why not?"

"He'll never be Jem. I don't want to name him after Jem because this baby will be nothing like Jem. James can be part of his name, sure, but I was thinking about… Charles," Will said. "Charles is a good, strong name. I thought… Charles, like Charles Dickens. We could call him Charlie."

"Charlie Carstairs," Sophie said. "I like that."

They each lapsed into silence. Once Will's hands got sore massaging Sophie's back, he moved his hand around to Sophie's front and rested it on her stomach as the baby continued to kick. Sophie was warm, and she didn't object when he moved just the slightest bit closer. Will told himself that Jem would have wanted someone to keep his child's mother warm on such a cold February night. Sophie sighed and rested her hand on Will's as the baby settled down. They each didn't speak for a long while, until Will finally broke the silence.

"I'll never marry you," Will mumbled. "I'll never make love to you. I'll never be who Jem wanted for you."

"I know," Sophie whispered.

The last words Will heard before he drifted off to sleep with Sophie in his arms was her wishing him happy birthday.

* * *

><p>Early the next morning, Will woke up freezing cold to find Charlotte sitting on the side of his bed. Sophie was no longer with him, so Will gave Charlotte a smirk and pulled the covers back.<p>

"I'll do anything once," Will said. "Just make sure your husband doesn't find out. I would hate for him to mop the training room floor with me again."

"You're going to find that your stunts are suddenly no longer acceptable," Charlotte said. "Happy birthday, William."

"Thank you," Will said.

"When I took you in, I thought it would be temporary. Then Jem arrived and it became permanent. I never planned on being a mother to you both, but that is how things between us ended up. Now, I want to be your mother. I want to keep you safe and shield you from harm and heartache, and I would if I could, but you have your own life to live and I can no longer meddle in it."

This was it. This was when she would tell Will that it was time for him to leave the Institute. He had money, of course, and he could find a place to live, but he would never again have the only thing the Institute had to offer him: a family.

"I'm here to offer you a job as weapons specialist for the London Institute. The job is easy, the pay is minimal, and the position comes with free room and board. If you want to continue to live here, and possibly raise your son within the Institute, you are expected to earn your keep. If you cause any problems, you can kiss this opportunity good bye."

"I accept the job," Will said. "When do I start?"

"Henry will show you the ins and outs of the room today, and you can start as soon as he is finished," Charlotte said. "Also, since you are 18, you are permitted to attend the Enclave meetings, and one is going to be held this afternoon. Camille Belcourt returned and committed a crime against the warlock, Magnus Bane." Will looked up at Charlotte. "He was here yesterday, and left with me… this." Charlotte handed Will a letter and a small velvet box.

"I don't want this," Will said. Charlotte stood up and went to the window. She tossed open the curtains, letting in sunlight, and kept her back to him.

You and I will discuss this exactly once, and then, never again," Charlotte said. "A mother always knows. You and Jem weren't as careful as you thought. You left your bed made neatly far too many times. I tried to deny it- I couldn't imagine something like that going on in my Institute, but there it was. You were intimate in the manner you regarded one another. Suddenly Jem belonged to you, and you belonged to Jem, and there wasn't anything Henry or I could have done about it."

"There are people in the world we are meant to be with, and you were never meant to be with Sophie. You would never love her the way a husband should love his wife. I want you to try to be who she needs you to be, but I don't expect you to love her as anything more than the mother of Jem's son. That is all Sophie expects of you, and it is doing Jem's memory a disservice if you don't give Sophie that."

Will nodded and looked down at the envelope in his hand. The name "Will" was written across the envelope with elegant, swirling script. The parchment smelled like vanilla, and Magnus.

"You need someone that belongs to you, Will. I know that Magnus being a man, a warlock, and your lover isn't something I should approve of, but I approve of him. I don't think you would have survived Jem's death without Magnus's unconditional devotion," Charlotte said. "He told me that he loves you. He has been at your side for six months. He could have left you at anytime, William. But he didn't. Read the letter. Open your present. Then, come downstairs. We're having your favorite for breakfast."

"You don't know what my favorite is," Will scoffed.

"Strawberry Belgian waffles, bacon, and eggs," Charlotte said. "Jem knew your favorite. Why do you think we always had that meal for your birthday?" Will blushed. "I'll see you soon." Charlotte gave Will another smile, and then left the room.

* * *

><p>Will procrastinated opening the letter. He waited until he was completely bathed, shaved, and dressed before he sat down on his bed, lifted the velvet box, and opened it up.<p>

Inside sat a thick silver band with several star shaped designs etched all the way around it. Tiny rubies were set into each of the stars. Will closed the box again, tore open the envelope, and pulled out a letter.

_Will,_

_I know you must hate me and I know I hurt you in the worst way possible. Just understand that no matter what, I still love you. Even distance and time wouldn't change how I feel about you. I love you, Will. I'll love you today, tomorrow, and a lifetime after that. _

_People say they don't know why or how they could love someone, but I know why and how I can love you. The reason why is because I can't imagine a life without you. If you gave me another chance, I would show you how I could love you. I would hold you in my arms and never let you go if you only let me. _

_The worst part of all of this is that I know you're reading this letter and you're wishing I never wrote it. You want me to fade away and to never see you again. If that is really and truly what you want, I will have to understand. _

_If you're willing to talk with me, keep the ring and we'll talk. If you and I are finished, give the ring back to Charlotte and I'll be gone from your life forever. The choice is and always has been yours. _

_ Love,  
><em>_Magnus._

Will snapped the ring box closed and put the letter back into the envelope. He placed both objects on the bedside table, and then walked out of the room and downstairs. It was a few minutes before breakfast was to start. Tessa was waiting for him.

"Happy Birthday, Will!" She exclaimed.

"It's just my birthday. We don't have to celebrate it," Will said. He walked into the dining room and stopped short.

Charlotte was distributing plates of strawberry waffles to Henry and Jessamine. Sophie sat by, talking and laughing. In the middle of the table sat a stack of brightly wrapped presents.

"I don't feel good," Will said. "I'll just take breakfast upstairs." He turned to walk out of the room but Tessa grabbed him by the shoulders.

"We wanted to get you presents and so we did. If you want to put them in the corner of your room and never open them, that's fine. They still belong to you," Tessa said. "Now come and eat. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I had a strawberry?" Tessa grabbed Will's hand and pulled him over to the table. Will sat between Tessa and Sophie and accepted a plate of food.

Charlotte and Henry were determined to make breakfast an enjoyable affair, if only to take Will's mind off of everything else going on. They announced that Will had accepted the job as a weapons specialist and would therefore be staying at the Institute. Jessamine smiled politely, as did Sophie, but Tessa clapped her hands and told Will how happy she was. Will gave her an uneasy smile.

"A weapons specialist?" Sophie asked. "You're filling the position Thomas… vacated?"

"Well, I have to have some sort of job here, Sophie, or…I can't live here," Will said. "I thought… this was the best place for us to raise Charlie."

Sophie looked up and down the table. Everyone had gotten quiet and expected Will or Sophie to make some sort of outburst.

"We'll need a crib," Sophie offered. "The baby has to sleep somewhere."

"It's no problem to find a crib," Henry said. "No problem at all."

After they ate, everyone remained at the table and took turns looking at Will's pile of gifts. Will tied his napkin into a knot, untied it, and tied it again.

"Biggest to smallest, or smallest to biggest?" Tessa asked. When Will didn't respond, she grabbed a small present and placed it in front of Will. "That one is from Charlotte and Henry."

Will looked at the present before him and bit his lip. It was wrapped in heavy brown paper and adorned with a hastily tied bow. It was small, no bigger than Will's palm, which meant that unless it was a weapon, it was more than just a casual birthday present. The thought that Henry had even gone so far as to give Will a present was embarrassing. Will wanted to leave it on the table and go upstairs, but he also wanted to know what it was.

"Go on, Will," Charlotte said.

Will seized the present and tore the paper off. A silver pocket watch fell into his hand. His initials were engraved on the back and the front of it was adorned with a rune. It was connected to a heavy silver chain.

"I thought you could use a nice pocket watch," Henry explained.

Henry went on to tell Will about the watch, such as the fact that it would never need to be wound or cleaned. Will opened the cover of it and looked down into the clock face. The hour and minute hands didn't match, and the second hand was made of a tiny, jagged piece of metal. Henry didn't dare mention that he had made the watch by hand and built it piece by piece from scraps he had in his crypt. It had to have taken him months to complete.

"Thank you, Henry, it's beautiful," Will said. "You shouldn't have." Will put the pocket watch on the table and began to push it over to Henry, to give it back, but Tessa shoved another present before him.

"Jessamine and Sophie went shopping together. What do you think they got you?" She asked. Will smiled.

"I'm afraid to find out," He said. He opened the present to find a brand new frock coat and a fine silk top hat.

"We saw them hanging in a shop window one afternoon when we were out walking," Sophie said. "We thought someone should be able to enjoy them. You look so nice in black."

"Thank you, Sophie and Jessamine, you're too kind," Will said. "I don't think I have a use for…"

"It's February. You need a coat," Tessa said briskly. "Here. Even I got you something." She placed one last present in front of Will. It was rectangular in shape. Will smiled and pulled the wrapping paper off to reveal a thick book.

"Great Expectations!" Will exclaimed.

"First edition," Tessa said with a blush.

_ "I must be taken as I have been made. The success is not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two together make me,"_ Will quoted.

"Estella," Tessa said.

"Chapter 38. I read this book as soon as I could read," Will said with a smile. "My father and I… never mind."

"Tell me," Tessa said.

Will blushed and looked up and down the table. Charlotte and Henry were watching him intently.

"My father used to read this book to me," Will mumbled. "Whenever he read lines of dialogue spoken by Magwitch, he used this really funny voice. It was nothing. Just something silly." Will opened the book and looked over the title page. "Thank you, Tessa."

After the presents had been opened, Charlotte insisted they have cake despite it being breakfast time. The cake was chocolate, covered in a thick white layer of butter cream. Will had a large slice, and then, while everyone was still distracted by the cake, quickly carried all of his presents upstairs. He hung the frock coat in the bureau and put the hat on his hat rack. He placed the watch in his top dresser drawer, with his dagger, the book on his bedside table, and then went downstairs to the weapons room.

Henry arrived a few minutes later and unlocked the door. They walked in and he lit a few witch light sconces on the walls. They filled the room with a bright, green glow. Henry mumbled the word "fucking" and followed it with the word "Lightwoods."

"I beg your pardon?" Will asked, intrigued. Henry rarely swore and hardly ever directed foul language at anyone.

"Nothing," Henry said. "This is the weapons room. Here is a desk." He walked over to a desk, opened a drawer, and pulled out a notebook. "Here is a list of the inventory that must be on hand at all times. If a weapon has been damaged, we must order a new one, unless it is fixable, in which case you put it over there…" he gestured to a box on the other side of the room, "and I will fix it."

Will nodded and looked around the room. The walls were covered with droves of all types of weapons, from long, sharp swords, to razor sharp throwing disks, to heavy battle axes. Several tables sat in the middle of the room and were covered with more weapons in various states of damage.

"You'll need to keep the room clean and organized," Henry said. His crypt was neither clean nor organized. "Your first order of business, every day, is to clean the weapons and armor that were returned from the previous night's dispatch." Henry pointed to a box beside the door which was filled with, among many other things, several long swords, and two protective vests.

"How do I clean them?" Will asked.

"Soap and water. Don't forget to wear gloves," Henry said. Will nodded. "Will, I… I wanted to give you something else for your birthday but I didn't want anyone to be around when I gave it to you."

Henry pushed the door to the weapons room closed and brought a long stick from a corner of the room. Before he got close to Will, Will saw what it was and took a step back. Henry held out Jem's jade tipped cane.

"He would have wanted you to have it," Henry said. "If anything, he would have wanted you to pass it on to his son." Will took the cane and looked it over. It was strange to be holding something that Jem had used nearly every day of his life.

"Thank you, Henry," Will said.

"Charlotte told me this morning that she had a talk with you about Magnus," Henry said. "You and he were lovers, yes?" Will nodded and stared down at the jade dragon on top of the cane.

"He hurt me, Henry," Will said. "I wish you and Charlotte would just…"

"I know that losing Jem hurt you. I know you don't want to love anyone but him. I know you feel like you're being unfaithful to him, even if all you want to do is be happy with Magnus," Henry said. "I know what losing a parabatai and lover can do to someone." Will looked up at Henry. "Charlotte says she knew you and Jem were something more when you started having… sex. But I knew long before then."

"When?" Will asked.

"Do you remember when Jem fell down the steps and had the attack? And he was unconscious for several days? You were thirteen," Henry said. Will nodded. "You sat beside his bed for hours at a time. You didn't eat. You barely slept. You just held his hand and waited for him to wake. You mourned him the way someone would mourn a lost lover. You weren't even parabatai yet, but you were already bound together by love. I just knew you and Jem had something rare. You loved each other."

Will's eyes blossomed with tears and he stared at the floor.

"It's easy to fall in love with someone who swears on their life to protect you. It's easy to think that they are the only person you would ever want to be with. I know, Will, I know," Henry said. Will lifted his head to see Henry crying as well. "I understand what it's like to not want to love anyone but… him."

"I just want him back, beside me," Will said. "I just want him here, with me, Henry. The thought of living without him is… why it's incomprehensible!"

"Jem would want you to move on," Henry said. "He loved you very much, and he would want you to be happy. I can't tell you what to do about you and Magnus, but I can tell you… give yourself a chance to find love. You're allowed to fall madly in love with anyone you want."

"I don't know if I can," Will said. Henry gripped Will by the arms and looked into his eyes.

"You can, and you will," Henry said. "Promise me, Will."

"I promise."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Feel free to review. I do like a bit of encouragement. Credit goes to Charles Dickens for the quote from <em><span>Great Expectations<span>_. Thanks for reading. Here's a teaser:**

"You poor boy," Benedict said, "Your family's past really is a mystery to you, isn't it?"


	10. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Sorry to update again so quickly. Per what is going on in my life this might be the norm for a while. I guess it is a good thing, or a bad thing, depending on what you think of the story. Enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

Will found himself cursing the Lightwoods an hour later, after Henry had left him to the cleaning and organizing of the weapons room. Gabriel had gone out on a dispatch the night before, with his older brother Gideon. They had returned in the morning to the Institute, which was the headquarters for most demon hunting operations, and, instead of taking their own gear and weapons home to be washed, had made it the duty of the Institute's weapons specialist. Yesterday, the weapons and gear would have been washed by someone, eventually, but as of today, it had become Will's job to clean up after the Lightwoods.

"Fucking Lightwoods," Will mumbled. The back of Gabriel's armor featured an intricate design depicting the Lightwood family coat of arms. At some point in the night, Gabriel must have found a puddle to roll in, because dried mud and demon blood caked every single inch of the coat of arms. Will cursed and chiseled the mud out with a sharp knife, taking care to not damage the armor. He could only imagine how that would go over. In Gabriel's eyes, Will had ruined enough Lightwood possessions.

"If Jem could see you now," Will heard. He looked up to see Sophie standing at the door to the weapons room, holding a glass of water. She gave him a smirk and took in the mess he was responsible for. Will recalled all of the times he had treated her as his own personal servant and found himself feeling bad.

"Laugh all you want," Will said. "I have a job now."

"I'm not laughing," Sophie remarked. "I brought you some water." She carried the glass over and set it on the table beside Will. He drank all of the water, and then set it down, leaving behind muddy finger prints on the glass. "So Charlie?"

"James Charles," Will said. He nodded and turned back to the armor.

"Wash your hands. I think he's punching me," Sophie said. Will climbed off the stool he had been sitting on and went to wash his hands. When he turned back, Sophie had taken over his seat on the stool. Will lifted his hand and Sophie guided it to a place on her upper stomach. This time, Will let his hand linger on her stomach as the baby incessantly kicked and punched. Will smiled.

"How's your back?" he asked.

"Not so bad right now," Sophie replied. "Thanks for asking." She met Will's eyes and gave him a serene smile, as though this had been all she ever hoped for. Will pulled his hand away.

"I need to get this finished. I have a lot of work to do," Will removed his hand from her stomach, picked up his knife, and continued to work on the armor. It was odd that Sophie had sought him out, again, but he hadn't been home all that long, and there were things they needed to discuss.

Sophie hummed quietly and looked around the weapons room. It was a complete disaster and Will wanted to make the room presentable in time for the Enclave meeting. Henry had said that Will might be met with some opposition when it was announced that he had taken over as weapons specialist, and today, Will didn't feel like giving anyone a reason to be angry with him.

"Is something going on with you and Tessa?" Sophie asked.

Will stabbed at a bit of mud. The knife point hit metal, slipped out of control, and buried itself in the fleshly part of Will's palm.

Sophie took a deep breath and stared at Will's hand. The knife was stuck about an inch into his palm, and when he pulled it out, blood squirted from the wound and dripped down his wrist.

"Tessa and I?" Will asked. He picked up his stele and drew an iratze over a fresh scar on his wrist. This hadn't been the first time he had stabbed himself this morning. The cut healed quickly and Will wiped up the blood with a rag.

"She would make a lovely mother," Sophie said.

"She can't bear children," Will said.

"She doesn't have to bear children to be a good mother," Sophie said. "Besides, I didn't think children were a priority for you," Will shrugged. "Jem told me once that you fancied her. Do you still fancy her?"

"No, I don't fancy Tessa," Will said. "I liked her before, but not now. There's no more going on with me and Tessa than there is between you and I." Will understood girls well enough to see the crestfallen look flicker across Sophie's face.

"Do you fancy Magnus?" She asked.

"I don't… I did… I might," Will said. "Why are you asking me these things, Sophie? I'm trying to work."

Sophie took Will by the back of the head and pressed their lips together. Will considered pulling away but instead, he squeezed his eyes shut and kissed Sophie the way she wanted him to: slow, and sensual. Her lips were unfamiliar, but he found that she still tasted sweet, like the icing from breakfast. The feeling of a woman's lips against his was supposed to have felt good. He was supposed to want more from Sophie, but instead, he wanted Magnus.

Will had enjoyed doing many things with Magnus, but he had always enjoyed passionately kissing the warlock best. When Will kissed Magnus, he was able to forget everything for just a second and focus only on the energy between them. The few times they had been together, before they had kissed until their skin felt hot. Shedding clothes and pressing their bare skin together became the only relief they could find, however momentary that relief might be.

Will had made love to Jem, and had been intimate with him, but he had never felt like he could love Jem as hard and fast as he could love Magnus. Jem had been breakable; Magnus was not. The kisses Will shared with Magnus had the potential to open up a Pandora's box of need and desire. They had contained the spark that would ignite a fire, and Will had a sudden need to burn alive.

"No," Will said. He gently pushed Sophie away and she looked up at him. "What was that for?"

"I wanted to see what it was like," Sophie replied. "I wanted to see if I might like it."

"So that's how you got pregnant," Will said. Sophie walloped him on the arm with her fist, so he grabbed her hand before she did it again. Will held her gently. "Did you like it?" Sophie shrugged.

"It was only my second kiss," Sophie said. "I can't compare it to Jem's kiss… I can't even… I liked it. It was very… very good."

"Good," Will said.

He went back to cleaning the armor and felt his hands shake a little as he thought about Magnus. Will didn't care that Magnus had kissed Camille once. What was one worthless kiss compared to a hundred more worthwhile kisses? He wanted to drop what he was doing and go to Magnus's house to work things out, but there was work to be done at the Institute. Sophie remained at Will's side and didn't notice the change in his demeanor.

"I had to try it," Sophie said. "I had to kiss you. I had to try… you and I."

"You and I?" Will asked. Sophie looked down at her stomach, which took up most of the space between them.

"I want to get married," she said. "I want to have a husband and I want this baby to have a father. I thought, maybe, you would want a wife. I thought, perhaps, I could be your wife."

Will dropped the knife and leaned against the table. This had been bound to come up sooner or later. Had Sophie married Jem and then he died, she would have been a widow, nothing more. But now, she wore the evidence of her impurity in plain view. Of course, she would have wanted to get married, and Will would have made the perfect husband. The marriage would be strictly convenient, nothing more. They would have to make love exactly once to consummate the marriage. Then Will would have a wife, Sophie would have a husband, and the baby would have two parents that didn't love each other.

"Sophie," Will mumbled, sounding pained, "You can't possibly want to marry me."

"I don't want to," Sophie said, "but it's for the best."

"It would never work," Will said. He took her dainty hand and looked down at it. His hands were still slightly stained with dirt, and her skin was porcelain white against them. "I can't love you. Not the way Jem would want me to. Not the way he would have loved you."

"You can't try?" Sophie asked. "Or do you not want to try?"

"I honestly think you deserve better than me," Will said. "This can be life for us, Sophie. We can live here, raise Charlie together… it's not the life either of us wanted, but it's a life. And… if you want to find a husband, I want you to be able to find a husband. I won't stand in your way."

"But you can't love me?" Sophie asked. Her eyes welled up with tears. "Why can't you love me?"

"I don't want to," Will said. "You should want to kiss someone for more than just to find out how you feel about them. You should want to kiss someone because you're already in love with them."

"Are you in love with Magnus?" Sophie asked.

"I want to be," Will said. Sophie climbed off the stool and started for the door but Will blocked her escape. "Sophie. Would you really want to be with someone who didn't love you the way you deserved to be loved?

"You can't ask me that," Sophie said.

"Would you want to be with someone who didn't want to kiss you? Or hold you? Or… be intimate with you?" Will asked. Sophie shook her head. "Neither do I."

"It's not fair," Sophie said. "Why did this have to happen to us?"

"I don't know, Sophie," Will said. "I just don't know."

* * *

><p>Will skipped lunch that afternoon. He poured all of his energy into straightening and cleaning the weapon's room and had worked up quite a sweat by the time Henry told him it was time to get ready for the Enclave meeting. Sophie had left long before then. Will hadn't seen her since their conversation.<p>

Will went up to his room, where he took a long, hot bath. He had neglected to wear gloves while cleaning the armor, and try as he might, he couldn't get every bit of dirt beneath his fingernails to come out. Finally, he got out of the bathtub, dressed in a nice pair of a pants and a sharp looking shirt, and walked downstairs. He went into the dining room to see most of the Enclave socializing. Charlotte and Henry were talking with Consul Wayland. Three of the Lightwoods- Benedict, Gideon, and Gabriel, hovered in the corner beside the table of refreshments. Will went over to the table and helped himself to a few cookies and a cup of coffee.

"Excuse me, what are you doing?" Gabriel asked.

"I'm getting a few cookies before I sit down to participate in the Enclave meeting," Will said. Gabriel's nose twitched and he blinked quickly.

"But you're not old enough to be here," Gabriel said. "The Enclave is only for Shadowhunters over the age of 18. You, as I can recall are only…"

"Eighteen, today," Will said. "Happy Birthday to me." Gabriel scowled and Will smiled, then crossed the room and had a seat between Henry and Charlotte.

The meeting was called to order. Benedict and his sons sat across the table from Henry, Charlotte, and Will. The meeting proceeded slowly. Will and Augustine were sworn in as official members of the Enclave, and various reports were given by various people. The progress of Samuel Lightwood and Edward Freeman, two Shadowhunters currently studying at the Academy in Idris, was discussed. Then, the meeting turned towards other topics.

"Lady Camille Belcourt has returned to London and harmed the warlock Magnus Bane," Charlotte said. "I think we should investigate her. She was peaceful before, but she disappeared after DeQuincey's party. At the very least, she should be brought in for questioning. Perhaps she might have something more to tell us about Mortmain."

Benedict laughed. "You want us to spend our time and effort looking for a vampire who bit a warlock?" He asked. "It was a lover's quarrel, is all. The warlock was probably asking to be bit, and then she disappeared and now he wants revenge!"

"He wasn't," Will snapped. All eyes turned to him. "He wasn't asking to be bit. And it wasn't a lover's quarrel. They weren't lovers. She had been gone six months. I don't know why she bit him but he wouldn't have wanted her to." Benedict studied Will with his cold, green eyes.

"Taking the warlock's side," he remarked, "How typically Herondale of you." Henry cleared his throat, met Benedict's eyes, and silenced him.

"I think we should find Camille and question her," Charlotte said.

"I agree," Consul Wayland said. "All in favor?" Everyone raised their hands. "Very well. We'll start the investigation first thing tomorrow. Is there anything else to cover?"

"William Herondale has accepted the position as weapons specialist," Charlotte said quickly.

"But I interviewed for that job," Gabriel protested.

"The position needed to be filled and Will is best suited for the job," Charlotte said. "We're lucky to have him."

"The only reason you gave Will the job is so that he can help the decrepit mundane girl with the opium addict's child," Benedict said. "Admit it."

"I beg your pardon. Sophie is not a mundane and Jem was never an opium addict," Will said.

"You'll speak when you're spoken to, Herondale," Benedict snapped. Gabriel smirked. "I know that the Clave is to take in any child of a Shadowhunter, but I believe an exception should be made in this case. James Carstairs' child is composed of nothing but broken dreams and tainted blood. Just like his adopted father. No good can come from any of this."

Charlotte sharply objected to that comment but Will barely heard her. Instead, he heard hot blood pounding in his ears, and for the first time in nearly six months, he found that he had grown angry. Will took a deep breath and struggled to remain calm.

"You mean me?" Will asked. "I'm composed of nothing but broken dreams and tainted blood? The blood that flows through my veins is pure Nephilim blood."

"Pure Nephilim blood?" Benedict asked. "Are you certain? Was your mother a Shadowhunter, the way your father was? Did she fight demons and serve the Clave?"

"She was a mundane," Will said. His voice cracked a little and for a split second, he doubted himself. Benedict sneered and rubbed his palms together. "Nephilim blood is dominant."

"Of course it is," Benedict said. His voice oozed false sincerity. "And snow is pure white, correct? But what happens when a bit of soot mixes with the snow? The snow is still snow, right? But it's not as pure and pristine as it once was. Am I correct?" Will opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

"Not here, Benedict," Henry said. Benedict kept the smile on his face as he stared into Will's eyes.

"You poor boy," Benedict said, "Your family's past really is a mystery to you, isn't it?"

"My father was a Shadowhunter and my mother was a mundane," Will insisted

"Your father lied to you," Benedict said. "Everyone else chose to ignore your past." Benedict looked to Henry and Charlotte, who were each silent. The rest of the Enclave averted their eyes. "You know that the Herondale line can be traced directly back to Jonathan Shadowhunter himself, right? You are descended from some of the greatest and bravest Shadowhunters who ever lived. You father knew this but he decided to taint your line anyway, with the blood of a witch."

"My mother wasn't a warlock. Warlocks can't bear children," Will said.

"I didn't say warlock. I said witch," Benedict said. "Your mother was a witch. Did you know that?" Henry said nothing. "Do you want to know the truth, William?"

"Tell me," Will said.

"He's going to lie to you," Henry said.

"Tell me," Will repeated. The entire Enclave remained silent, their attention rapt on Will and Benedict. Will leaned forward and folded his hands on the table.

"Your father and I were close friends. Had Carstairs not gotten in the way, we could have done great things together," Benedict said. Will barely flinched at the mention of Jem's father. He had long assumed that their father's had lives together long before Will or Jem had even been thought of. "James Carstairs Sr. and your father were parabatai. I was a few years older than them, and served as their mentor and training partner. We were good friends. Practically family."

"In the early winter of 1860, your father met your mother at a party thrown by the warlock Magnus Bane. He had taken your mother in because she was a hedge witch. She was able to summon demons but not properly control them, so Bane was attempting to teach her how to use her powers properly," Benedict said.

Hedge witches were an awful nuisance. Will knew of several of them, and had dealt with the clean up and banishment of many of the demons they had summoned. Working with a witch and helping them to perfect their powers was against Clave law for Shadowhunters. Had Magnus been working with a witch after the Accords been signed, he could have been punished severely for it.

"Your mother bewitched your father with spells and charms. Your father always had a reason to go see her. It was obvious what was going on. They carried on a passionate affair throughout most of 1860, and by that summer, your mother, the witch was pregnant with you" Benedict said.

Will didn't wanted to believe Benedict, but he remembered a childhood spent in a remote, seaside village in Wales, and a many odd occurrences that could have been explained with magic. One time, during another awful winter, Will had been sick with a fever and couldn't get warm. In moments of lucidity, he could recall his parents arguing. Then his mother had come to him and lay her hands on his chest, and not only did she rid him of the fever, but she cured the illness that had been raging inside of him. Within an hour, Will had felt healthy enough to go outside and help his father collect firewood.

"I'm not lying, am I, boy?" Benedict asked. Will shook his head. "After it was revealed that your mother was with child, your father begged the Clave to make her a Shadowhunter, but what your father had done, mating with a witch, was against Clave law. There was a trial. James Carstairs spoke in your father's defense. He actually condoned your father's behavior, said that your father was in love, and said it was impossible to stand in the way of two people who truly loved one another. He claimed your parents were two wandering the earth who had found one another. They were meant to be. James Carstairs always had been good about believing how powerful love could be between two people, but his testimony didn't convince anyone. Your father was charged with treason, but given a choice: he could cut off all communications with your mother and remain in the Clave, or, he could have his runes stripped and could abandon the cause. We both know what he chose."

"He had a responsibility to me," Will said.

"As any father does. Your father chose family over the Cause. It's admirable, yes. But look at where that choice got him," Benedict said. "He's a lonely old man dying in a house beside the sea. He chose pleasure over purpose. He could have had a proper family with a female Shadowhunter… not with a witch. Now, your blood is tainted. You're not to be trusted."

Will felt his cheeks get hot. He stared at dining room table and wondered if Benedict was right. Maybe there was a part of him that wasn't right, and never would be.

"He's perfect," Henry said. "There is nothing wrong with him. Take that back."

"He should know the truth," Benedict said. "At least one of your parents was normal, William. But think about the blood that will be flowing in the veins of the child you are bound to raise as your own. He'll be one part weak opium addict, one part poor servant girl. Do you really think that baby will be worthy as a Shadowhunter?"

"Jem died in battle. He died a hero," Will said.

"Jem was going to die sooner or later," Benedict said. "Lucky for all of us, and especially you, he went before he had a chance to really drag anyone down."

Will was unsure of what forced him to move. He calmly stood up, walked across the tabletop, and knocked Benedict to the floor. Will put a knee against Benedict's rib cage, wrapped his right hand around his throat, and pushed the old man's head against the floor.

Benedict choked audibly. His face turned red, and then, quickly turned purple. His pulse throbbed against Will's palm. Will imagined himself squeezing his fingers tighter and tighter against Benedict's throat, until the fragile windpipe crushed beneath his hand.

"Don't… you… EVER!" Will said through clenched teeth. "EVER!" Will squeezed tighter and saw blood vessels burst in Benedict's watery green eyes. Beneath his knee, Benedict's diaphragm strained as it tried to bring it precious oxygen.

Henry yelled something, and Will felt an impact slam into his body as he and Gabriel tumbled across the floor. Will leapt to his feet first, and as Gabriel clamored to his feet and came at Will, hands raised, Will couldn't stop himself, not this time. Gabriel lifted his hands to surrender just as Will pulled back his fist and put seven months of pain, frustration, and thirst for revenge through the center of Gabriel's face.

Gabriel fell back onto the table, unconscious. Will felt burning pain as Henry twisted his arms back and pinned Will down on the table. Benedict leaped to his feet and leaned over Gabriel, and Will saw fear in his eyes as blood began to hemorrhage from Gabriel's nose and mouth. In seconds, the table beneath Gabriel's head had become dark with blood.

"My boy!" Benedict cried. "Gabriel!" He put a hand on Gabriel's jaw and turned his head, causing Gabriel's face to flop lifelessly against the table. Benedict turned to Will as his anger masked the fear in his eyes. "You did this."

Will recalled, instantly, the Library in his family's country home in Wales, and his father knelt over a tiny, broken child, saying those same words.

Henry hustled Will from the room and Will went without a struggle. He began to build the walls that had kept his secrets around himself once more. He gave himself over to the numbness that filled his body and reinforced the thought that had dwelled in his mind ever since Benedict had told Will a truth no one refuted. Will was tainted. After all of these years, Will had the evidence necessary to conclude that he wasn't quite right. He was tainted with evil.

"I did this," Will thought. "I have done something awful." He couldn't help but think that perhaps, Benedict had been right after all.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading? Please review? Pretty please? LOOK! I have given you a teaser:<strong>

"I've done a terrible thing," Will said. "I've hurt two innocent people. I should be punished."


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone still reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me. Here is the new chapter, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

In the ensuing madness, Henry brought Will to the weapons room. He forced Will to stand in the middle of a square, and then sunk four seraph blades into the floor in the four cardinal directions of north, south, east, and west. Henry drew a rune on the floor beside the northern blade. Solid panels of light burst from the floor and went up to the ceiling of the room, imprisoning Will in four shimmering walls of electrum currant.

"I'm sorry, but it's for your protection. Nothing can get into a Malachi Configuration, and nothing can get out," Henry said. "Careful not to touch the walls. They'll shock you, and could very well kill you."

Will nodded. All of the anger had gone from his body and he felt like slumping to the floor. The knuckles on his right had had swelled up and hurt terribly. It was clear that they were broken. Will could only imagine how hurt Gabriel was. If he died, Will might never see the light of another day… not that he even deserved to live.

"You've been under a lot of stress. The baby, Jem's death…" Henry listed excuses but Will only knew one reason for why he would have done such a terrible thing.

"I'm tainted," Will said. "I'm evil. I break everything I touch. I deserve to…" Henry looked up and met Will's eyes. Will lifted his right hand and moved it towards the gleaming panels of light. He stretched his fingers, then changed his mind and bent his hand back.

"NO!" Henry yelled. He stepped forward, but there was nothing he could do. Will pressed his wrist to the wall and watched as electrum enveloped his hand in swirling bits of blue light. For a moment, nothing happened.

Then, Will felt something snap against his wrist. A shock ripped through his body and sent him careening backwards into the opposite wall. His heart stopped for a moment. Will closed his eyes as he fell onto the floor.

When Will opened his eyes, the panels of light were gone and his head was throbbing. His skin was hot to the touch and he thought he might be ill. Henry was leaning over him, and beside him stood Consul Wayland. Will tried to sit up but found that his arms were bound behind his back.

"William Herondale Jr., You have been accused of harming Benedict and Gabriel Lightwood. You are to report to the Silent City and will be judged by the Silent Brothers," Consul Wayland said. Henry pulled Will to his feet, walked him out of the weapons room, and kept a hand on Will's right elbow, not that Will planned on going anywhere.

The Institute was still in complete upheaval. Somewhere, someone was yelling. Everyone in the Enclave lined the hallway outside of the Infirmary and gave Will the respect of not saying anything to him. Will kept his head down as he walked the gauntlet of their anger and judgment. At the end of the hallway, Sophie stood with Tessa. Henry stopped, perhaps at Sophie's request. Tessa threw her arms around Will's neck and held him close.

"We're on your side," she said. Will nodded and kissed her on the cheek. Tessa stepped away and Will looked down at Sophie. She was crying and had her head in her hands.

"I asked you to prove to me you were better than all this!" Sophie exclaimed, "I wanted you to be the man Jem would have wanted you to be!"

"I'm sorry," Will said. He started to cry then, because Sophie's disappointment and pain was a terrible thing to bear. "I'm sorry, Sophie!" Sophie just shook her head and hurried away, with Tessa in pursuit.

Will was silent as they went downstairs to the Sanctuary. From there, they began their decent into the Silent City. The journey involved walking down tight passageways and stairs in near pitch black conditions. Will slammed into the wall again and again, unable to catch his balance. Henry kept a tight hold on his arms, and they did not speak.

Consul Wayland had gone ahead to give his report to the Silent Brothers. The only sort of justice system for Nephilim rested on the shoulders of the Silent Brothers, who would read over the report of the crime which Will had committed. Will could speak in his defense, but it was up to the Silent Brothers to determine his punishment.

"The Brothers are fair," Henry said. "Others have gotten into this sort of trouble before. You just have to defend yourself, Will. Tell them what Benedict said. Tell them about the trouble Gabriel has put you through. Tell them-"

"I've done a terrible thing," Will said. "I've hurt two innocent people. I should be punished."

"Benedict was practically goading you into it!" Henry exclaimed. He stopped on a landing and turned Will toward him, barely able to see Henry in the dim witch light. "Will, you can't take the blame for this. Benedict wanted this to happen. He hates you, and he hates your family, and-"

"My father betrayed the Clave," Will said. "I've done awful things, Henry. Benedict is right. My blood is tainted. I can't be trusted."

"You are perfect," Henry said. "There is nothing wrong with you."

"Then why did I want to kill Benedict and Gabriel?" Will asked. He remembered those few blinding seconds in the dining room when he had Benedict down on the floor. He had thought about snapping Benedict's neck. When Gabriel had pulled him away, Will had imagined smashing Gabriel's face off the dining room table and forcing him to drown in his own blood.

"You didn't want to kill them," Henry said. There was doubt in his voice. "You were just angry and upset, and…"

"That's no excuse. I still wanted them to die. I still wanted the entire Lightwood family to suffer immeasurable loss. I've done terrible things, Henry. I deserve to be punished."

Will stared into the dark abyss before them, and then began to walk downstairs, pulling Henry after him. He knew that he wasn't allowed to make mistakes, because whenever he made mistakes, people got hurt, or died. It had happened before and it could happen again. Perhaps being sent to the Silent City was a blessing in disguise. Maybe now, Will wouldn't have to worry about hurting anyone but himself.

"You're perfect, Will," Henry said. "I wish you could see what an amazing man you really are."

"You must be mistaken," Will said.

After another few minutes, they arrived at the entrance to the Silent City. Near silence was expected to be maintained, but exceptions were made in the cases of parabatai ceremonies, and funerals. Will had been to the Silent City several times, but the most notable occasions were the time he swore as parabatai to Jem, and the time Will watched Jem's body burn.

They walked through various rooms in the Silent City. Will kept his tears at bay when he passed a mausoleum that might have contained Jem's ashes. There were so many mausoleums, it was nearly impossible to know where Jem's remains rested, but Will recalled that Jem had requested he be placed near his parents. The air in the Silent City felt thick and cold, with the smell of juniper and sage in the air. A funeral must have taken place recently, because Will could also smell smoke and fire as well.

Consul Wayland walked out of a room and approached Will and Henry.

"You're to appear at the Speaking Stars," The Consul said. "I'm sorry, Will." Will nodded and walked toward the place Consul Wayland had come from. Henry followed.

"I'll talk to the Brothers," Henry said.

"I have to do this myself," Will said. "I'm a man, now, Henry. I have to do this on my own."

When they walked into the Pavilion where the Speaking Stars were, several Silent Brothers had already assembled at a long table, as they had before, when Will swore his parabatai vow to Jem. The Brothers were all dressed in their long robes. With their faces hidden, Will forgot that time had passed and that Jem was no longer with him… until he looked to his right to see only Henry there. One of the Silent Brothers stood up, lifted his hands, and spoke without saying a word.

_"William Herondale Jr., you have been accused of intentionally hurting two Shadowhunters. Please step to the Speaking Stars and plead your case,"_ The Brother said.

Will walked over to several silver stars placed into the floor. He looked down at them, closed his eyes, and remembered.

Death had been the furthest thought from Will and Jem's mind on the night of Jem's death. So many other things had happened in the last 24 hours of Jem's life. They had always planned on one of them not making it back from a dispatch, but that night, their minds had been elsewhere.

More than a day before Jem had been fated to die, Will had made love to Magnus in a mausoleum and had let himself fall in love with him. They planned to go to Paris together, and Jem had planned to come with them.

Will had returned to the Institute just as Jem had told Sophie that the relationship they had found themselves in wasn't going to work out. Jem had broken Sophie by telling her that he was in love with Will, brought to light their four year sexual affair, and finished by saying that he wasn't in love with Sophie and never would be. When Will had walked upstairs, reflecting on the blissful afternoon he had spent with Magnus, Sophie was hysterical in the hallway and Jem was still in his room.

Jem had always been the one who cared to much, and Will had always cared to little about everyone but Jem. Jem would have never allowed a girl to cry uncomforted. He would have never allowed himself to get close enough to have to break a girl's heart, but he had. Jem had been so calm and composed as he stood in his room and watched Sophie's heartbreak. When Sophie had lashed out and scratched Will across the face with her nails, Jem had stood by, uncaring. It was then that Will saw Jem for the boy he had become. Jem was no longer the sweet boy who cared too much. He had become the boy who would hurt an innocent girl to make someone else happy.

Jem had loved Sophie. Even when Tessa came to the Institute, there was still a part of him that loved the shy maid. Jem had let her go so that she could find her own dreams to make true. He had given up the only sure bet of happiness he could have had, however briefly, so that he might be able to follow Will and Magnus to Paris. Even Magnus had given up the hope of Will's fidelity by allowing Jem to come along. Even Magnus had given up so much just to have Will with him. Everyone had given up something to make Will happy, but after witnessing Sophie's sorrow, Will he found himself undeserving of anyone's love.

So he had met Jem in the garden. They had made love beneath the apple tree and had been laying together, the evidence of their love still on display, when Magnus found them together. Magnus had walked away. Jem saw Will in the same way Will had seen him, uncaring and cruel, and had walked away as well. Suddenly, there had been no one else for Will to either hurt or love, and it had felt, however briefly, perfect.

That night, Will and Jem had gone to hunt demons. They also found an abandoned room and had kissed and groped in darkness until having sex was no longer just an option. Jem had bent over a table and Will had taken him by the hips as he thrust himself into Jem, giving Jem everything he begged for. They made plenty of noise and each enjoyed the encounter, but Will had noticed midway through that there was nothing between them anymore. He should have felt desire and lust, but instead, he felt empty. Will hadn't desired Jem the way he had desired Magnus. He didn't want to be with Jem this way, anymore.

Afterwards, Will had held Jem in his arms as Jem kissed Will's neck and mumbled how much he loved him. They had gotten dressed and went back out to fight more demons. It had been nearly dawn when Jem had been injured by a demon, and it had taken a little while longer before he finally expired in Will's arms. Will had brought Jem home and prepared him for burial before the Silent Brothers came to bring him to the Silent City. The next morning, Will dressed in his mourning clothes and had come to the Silent City and to a room that was less than ten feet away from the Speaking Stars.

The entrance to the funeral chamber was directly behind where Will stood. Here, the scent of sage, juniper, fire, and burnt flesh was stronger. Shadowhunters burned their dead and their ashes were supposed to protect the Silent Brothers from the evils of the world, but it was an ugly process.

Will had walked into the funeral chamber the morning of the funeral and found Jem laid out on a board. He had been dressed in white and his eyes were bound closed with white silk. In his right hand, he held his father's hunting dagger, and his left hand clutched a jade necklace that had belong to his mother. Jem's mouth had been set into a hard line of determination. Will had thought about Jem's eyes. He had spent years staring into them and had only known them as one of only many things that made Jem unique. Will had fallen in love with Jem's eyes when they had both been thirteen, and over the years, he found reasons to fall more in love with the rest of Jem.

_"Have you nothing to say for yourself?" _Will heard. He looked up to see the Silent Brother's staring back at him. Will could hear them muttering to themselves. He looked back down at the floor.

"Come on, Will," Henry whispered, "Say something! Come on!"

Will could still hear how the fire roared like a thousand demons as it consumed the wood beneath the board Jem had lay on. The process hadn't taken long, what with the fire as hot as it had been, and Jem's body as tiny and disease- ridden as it was. Most awful about it was the sickly sweet smell of Jem burning. The smoke had wafted into Will's lungs and caused him to gag. When he had finally left the Silent City, the scent remained, clinging to Will's hair and clothing.

For weeks after the funeral, Will woke up in Magnus's arms from another awful nightmare in which Jem's burned corpse came back to life just before the fire consumed it. Will heard Jem's last, painful shriek time and time again, just before his eyes opened. Will had sworn to Charlotte that he wouldn't let Jem burn. There were some things Will knew he would never forget, or forgive himself for.

"Come on, Will!" Henry whispered.

Will looked back up at the Brothers and stared at them.

"I have done terrible things," Will said, "I deserve to be punished."

* * *

><p>Will was sentenced to five days, solitary confinement, in the Silent City. He was taken from the Speaking Stars pavilion, brought to a cell he could barely stand up in, and was ordered to strip out of his clothes. He was given a scratchy robe, similar to what the Silent Brother's wore, one bucket full of water, and told to not make too much noise. Will turned his back as the cell door slammed closed behind him.<p>

The cell contained a cot bolted to the floor and covered with a torn and dirty blanket. The air in the cell was cold and the only light that entered came from a witch light sconce down the hallway. The walls were concrete painted black. They absorbed the sound of Will's footsteps as he paced the short length of his cell a few times. He stopped to listen carefully, but heard no sounds to support evidence of anyone else close by. Will thought about all of the times he had thought he had been alone but hadn't been. This time, he was completely alone.

Will laid down on the cot and pulled his knees to his chest. The Brothers had taken everything, even his shoes, and Will began to shiver. There was a burn on his wrist that had started to hurt, and the knuckles on his right hand throbbed. If Will had wanted to suffer, he had followed the proper course of events to do so.

Over the next few hours, Will vacillated between pacing the confines of his cell and staring up at the ceiling as he lay on the cot. He drifted into an uneasy sleep, waking only when he felt someone's eyes on him. He looked out through the cell bars, and saw a solid black cat licking it's paw. The cat looked up at Will with two bright green and gold eyes, and then pranced through the bars of the cell. The cat hopped up onto Will's lap and shoved it's head into Will's hand, so Will began to stroke the cat.

Will fell back asleep, and when he woke up later, his mind felt heavy and his lips were dry. There was a ham sandwich sitting on a plate outside of the cell door, and a large rat was feasting on it. Will was still cold, but not as much as he had been. There was a wonderfully warm spot on his chest. Will lifted his hand and felt soft, silky fur. The cat purred and moved so that it's head was directly over Will's heart, keeping him warm. It looked up at Will and stared, unblinking into his eyes. Will opened his mouth to say something, then closed his eyes and drifted back to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>Early the next morning, Will awoke to the sound of a bowl of porridge being dropped outside of the cell. He rolled onto his side and stared at the wall. The cat had left for an hour, very early, but was now back, nestled against Will's back. Early in the afternoon, the cat disappeared when another sandwich was brought, as well as a fresh bowl of water. Will had a sip of water, refused the sandwich, and began to pace back and forth in his cell. The cat never returned and the rat came back to greedily consume on the sandwich. Will felt his eyes grow heavy. He laid down on his cot and fell back asleep.<p>

Not surprisingly, all of his dreams contained Jem. He saw Jem sitting beside him at breakfast, cutting a muffin in half to share. Jem was talking, but Will could only see Jem's lips moving, with no sound coming out. Jem began to say Will's name, but Will still could not hear it, so Will began to scream Jem's name, but Jem never responded. Something hot pressed to the bottom of Will's foot and he jerked it away, finally waking from the dream.

Magnus was standing outside of the cell door, his right hand ignited with blue sparks. His left hand had been reaching through the cell door, trying to reach Will. Will sat up on the bed and pulled his knees to his chest. His face felt cold and wet.

"You were screaming and crying," Magnus said. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Will said, "why are you here?"

"You kept the ring. That was the agreement: if you keep the ring, it told me you might eventually want to talk to me. So here I am. Talking," Magnus said. Will rolled onto his side and tried to pull the robe more tightly against his body. "Actually, I'm here to take you home. I have some pull with the Brothers... we are old friends. They've agreed to let me house you for the next four days. They've become concerned that you haven't eaten and you dying in their custody is frowned upon. So for the good of all, you're coming with me."

"But I haven't forgiven you. Why would you want me to come to your house if I'm still angry with you?" Will said. He looked up at Magnus.

"We have four long days together, my little Nephilim. I'm sure we'll find the time to talk things over," Magnus said.

"I'm your prisoner?" Will asked. Magnus smiled.

"In every sense of the word," he replied.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Here is, as usual, a teaser:<strong>

"You know what happens when you tell a Herondale to stop playing with fire," Magnus said. "They burn the house down to spite you."


	12. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Okay, guys, i don't think I ask for a lot. This might be my favorite chapter, so can you lease, please, please let me know what you think of it? It would mean a lot to me. Remember, I own none of these characters. Enjoy! **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

After a few minutes, Will dressed in the clothes he had arrived in, and was released from his cell. His wrists were placed in tight shackles for the walk out of the Silent City.

"It's just until we get above ground," Magnus said. He dropped a cloak over Will's shoulders, and then hooked his arm around Will's elbow as they left the lonely prison cell behind.

"You just wanted me in handcuffs," Will mumbled.

"I just wanted you warm and comfortable," Magnus replied.

They began up a set of steps and kept going up until Will finally saw light. When they climbed out of the exit to the Silent City, Magnus reached over and unlocked the wrist shackles. Will shivered and drew the cloak tighter around his body, then looked around.

It was snowing some, much like it had been when they first arrived home from Shanghai. Many strange grey shapes surrounded them, as did several small stones houses with names over them, which were all covered with a few inches of snow. Will realized that he and Magnus stood in the middle of a cemetery. The mausoleum they had made love in several long months ago sat in the distance.

There were an infinite number of entrances and exits for the Silent City. The fact that Magnus had brought Will out of this particular exit was no coincidence. This had been all part of the plan. Will opened his mouth to protest, but then he remembered an emotional confession and rainstorm that had come out of nowhere which had soaked them both to the bone.

There had been a cold marble bench beneath a stone roof, and a frenzied kiss that told Will that Magnus had been unable to wait any longer to press his lips to Will's. Will recalled that his hands had been shaking as he removed Magnus's shirt and unbuttoned his pants. He never had to worry about showing too much emotion before. That time, the love and lust had been spilling out of his body.

They had taken forever to begin, enjoying one another's bodies and watching as they became aroused for one another. They had made love once on the bench, and then waited a little while until they were ready once again.

Magnus wanted Will to remember all of the amazing times they had together. He wanted Will to forget that he had ever seen Magnus with Camille.

"I could run away, right now," Will said. "There's nothing holding me back."

Magnus turned to Will, his pupils dilated into tiny slits in the bright whiteness surrounding them. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets.

"You could run," Magnus said, "but then you would never see Jem's son, and I would be arrested by the Clave and charged with some sort of crime and I might never see the light of another day for the rest of eternity. So yes, Will. You can run. Be my guest. Just keep in mind, you're going to leave a lot more behind this time."

Magnus tied a scarf around his neck, pulled his coat tight, and began to walk down a hill to the front gates of the cemetery. He never looked back. For a long while, Will watched the dark shape that was Magnus get smaller and smaller until Magnus reached the bottom of the hill. Then, finally, Will walked down after him. Magnus gave Will a nod and pushed open the cemetery gate. They walked out into the street.

"We could Portal, but…" Magnus began.

"I like the walk and the fresh air," Will said. He thought about how alone he had felt in the Silent City and was quietly grateful for Magnus's company.

After spending most of the walk in near silence, they arrived at Magnus's home. Magnus unlocked the door and went inside, with Will following. The house was cold, as if no one had been home for some time.

"I'll light a fire in the parlor and get the soup started. You can get cleaned up while it's cooking," Magnus said. "Come along, I'll show you were you're staying." Magnus began to walk up a flight of stairs and Will followed.

Magnus and Camille had owned the house together, but he had lived on the ground floor while she had the second floor all to herself. They shared a bed only when Camille wanted them to. Otherwise, Magnus stayed downstairs while Camille entertained guests upstairs. Will had only been up to Camille's quarters once, when he and Magnus had jumped on her bed until it broke.

"I took some liberties with the upstairs. I hope you don't mind," Magnus said. He pushed open a door at the top of the steps. "Go ahead." Will walked in before Magnus and smiled.

Camille's red and black décor was gone and had been replaced with soft blue furnishings and clean, white walls. Bright sunlight filled the room. There used to be heavy curtains on the windows to keep any light out, but now, the room felt airy and open. The upstairs was no longer three separate rooms but rather one large room separated into three sections. The first section, by the door, contained a fireplace, chairs to sit in, and tall bookshelves which were all covered with books, except for one, which remained empty. There was also an entrance to a bathroom. The second section of the room contained a massive bed covered with pillows and thick quilts. The last section contained a desk, a piano in the corner, and several floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the Thames.

"I told you I was thinking pastels," Magnus said shyly. "What do you think?"

"It's… wow, Magnus. You've out done yourself," Will said. He turned around, taking everything in, a smile on his face. "But why?"

"I wasn't sure of your situation at the Institute, given all things considered. I knew you needed to stay in town, at least, so I thought that… if you wanted… you could move in with me," Magnus said. "We wouldn't have to be together. That's still up to you. But you could bring Sophie and the baby. If you need a place to lay your head, you're welcome here."

Will nodded quickly and looked around. He could see himself living here, and enjoying it. Will ached to go to the bookshelves and look them over. He thought about all of the books he had stacked haphazardly in his trunk. Maybe now they could have their own bookshelf to sit on. He and Magnus could live together. Their lives would comingle as he and Jem's once had. They could be together and everything could be perfect.

Will's heart throbbed a little. When he laid a hand over it and took a few breathes, his palms began to sweat.

"I know you're scared," Magnus said. "I've frightened you."

"That's preposterous," Will snapped. He walked over to the bed, where a single suitcase sat on the floor. Knees unsteady, he knelt down to open it.

"I'll leave you to be scared and get washed up. We'll talk more about everything over dinner," Magnus said. "We'll talk, Will. We'll talk about things you might not want to talk about, and maybe I'll give you some answers. But we are going to talk, because I'm not holding back anymore."

Will opened the suitcase and looked down to see the ring box nestled in among his clothing. He opened the box to see the ring still nestled tightly in the red velvet folds. He sensed Magnus in the room still, watching him.

"Why?" Will asked. "Why the ring? Why the upstairs? Why do you care?"

"Because I do," Magnus said. "Because I love you, Will. I wanted you to have a place to stay. You can decide what the ring means. I've told you enough times and now I thought I might show you. I'm with you, Will, no matter what. And when I'm not with maybe you can look down at the ring and be reminded that I'm with you for as long as you need and want me to be."

Will nodded quickly and snapped the ring box closed.

"I'll see you downstairs," Magnus said. He turned to leave the room.

"Magnus," Will said. Magnus stopped, his hand on the door frame. "I'm sorry I told you to burn in hell. I'm sorry I called you a soulless demon."

"I accept your apology," Magnus said. "I'm sorry I kissed Camille. From now on, the only lips I kiss will belong to you." Will took a quick breath. Magnus gave him a little smile. "Told you I'm not holding back." Will blushed and looked back into his suitcase.

Magnus left Will to his thoughts.

* * *

><p>After a very long bath in which Will turned the water black from the soot he had brought from the Silent City, he dressed in clothes Charlotte had sent from the Institute. There was a pair of wool slippers beside the bed and Will put them on to find that they fit him perfectly. Then, Will went downstairs and slipped into the small, warm kitchen. Magnus was standing at the stove, frying bacon and stirring potato soup.<p>

"Better now?" Magnus asked.

"Warmer, at least," Will said. He sat down at the table and Magnus walked over to pour tea into a teacup. "So why did you save me from the Silent City? How did you even know I was there?"

Magnus offered some sugar and Will put two heaping spoonfuls into his cup.

"Tessa contacted me and told me all that happened, and then I went to the Silent City to plead your case. I told the Brothers all that Gabriel had put your through, including last summer's little stabbing incident. They lessened your sentence to four days of house arrest, provided you spent at least 24 hours in the Silent City," Magnus said.

"Tessa?"

"She cares more than you expect. Don't worry, she doesn't love you, at least, not the way I do," Magnus said.

"Too much," Will said. Magnus smiled and nodded.

"She cares about you, Will. She only wants what's best for you," He said. "Soup?"

"I'll get the spoons," Will said.

"That drawer right over there," Magnus said, pointing to a cupboard. Will stood up and went to get two spoons as Magnus ladled soup into two bowls. "Do you want to smash the bacon?"

"Sure," Will said. He went over to the counter and began crumbling the bacon and putting it into another bowl. Magnus walked behind Will, brushed his hand across Will's lower back, and picked up the tea kettle to refill his cup. "Why?"

"Why what?" Magnus asked.

"You said you weren't holding back anymore," Will said. "You used to hold back. You would have never told me before that the only lips you would kiss belonged to me. You would have…" He had always noticed it but never appreciated it. Magnus would tell Will things he wanted to hear, and nothing more. They had played a game of opposites. Magnus had never said what he wanted to say for fear that he would push Will away.

Magnus leaned against the counter and held his tea cup in one hand, his right arm crossed across his stomach. He was dressed in black pants that fit tighter than Will would have liked, and a thick white shirt. His hair skimmed his collar and curled slightly in the warmth of the room. Will recognized the tea cup Magnus was holding as one of two that he had brought back from Shanghai.

"I've got you for four days," Magnus said. "If you leave this house, you'll be thrown into the Silent City for who knows how long. This might be my last chance to make a lasting impression, so I'm going to give it my all. If, at the end of four days, you never want to see me… at least I'll know I did my best."

"You're arrogant," Will said. "You think I want to love you."

Magnus walked over and touched Will on the cheek. He gently kissed Will on the lips and smiled.

"I think you want me as bad as I want you," Magnus said. "I think I can be who you need. That's all. It's not worth holding back anymore. Life is short. You might as well enjoy yourself." Magnus pulled out Will's chair before he sat down across the table.

Will had other questions he wanted to ask, but then he sprinkled bacon bits on his soup and began to eat. Magnus had provided freshly baked bread as well, so Will alternated between using a spoon and dipping the bread in. When he had consumed three bowls, Will sat back in his seat and rested his hands on his stomach.

"Cookies for dessert," Magnus said. Will moaned and Magnus refilled his tea cup. He cleared the table and then sat back down. "So. Go ahead. Ask me anything."

"Camille is never coming back?" Will asked.

"She is gone for good. There are charms around all of the doors and windows to keep her out," Magnus said. "If she knows what's good for her, she'll never be back. There's something nicely conclusive about a restraining order that lasts a hundred years." Will nodded.

"And so you expect me to move in now?" He asked.

"You're expected to take four days, read books, eat as much as you like… indulge in whatever activities you might find to indulge in… and to spend this time deciding what to do next. You need to think about what is best for you and your family," Magnus replied. "Next question?"

"You never told me you knew my parents," Will said.

"You never asked," Magnus said pointedly. "I always thought your parents were a sore subject with you. I didn't want to bring it up and I wasn't sure how to."

"Benedict said that my mother was a witch and my father abandoned the Clave. And it's clear that he hates Jem's father as well," Will said. "I want to know the truth as to why."

"That's your right," Magnus said. He got a plate of cookies and set them on the table. "Benedict, your father, and Jem's father were the best of friends. I don't even know how they managed it, because Benedict was older, but they all grew up together. Your father had no brothers, and neither did Benedict, which explains why the Lightwood family is so large. Benedict has always felt obligated to… further the Lightwood line."

"That was why he was so concerned with my father tainting the Herondale line," Will said. "I'm the last Herondale able to further the line."

"Precisely," Magnus said. "Did you want to hear about Jem's parents as well?" Will nodded quickly. "Very well, then. Listen carefully. I'm only telling this story once."

"Your father and Jem's father were born within a few months of each other and grew up together. They swore their parabatai vow when they were fifteen and went on to Shadowhunter Academy when they were 17. While they were there, Jem's father, James, met Jem's mother, Jia. She was the only girl in their class, and she was an amazing Shadowhunter. She was braver than most of the men and she fought with deadly strength, but she was a wonderful soul. Everyone loved her, some more than others. James found her to be attractive but he was certain she was out of his league. As it was, she made the first move. She went over to him at a ball and told him that he was a damn fool if he didn't ask her to dance, so he asked her to dance. They courted for most the Academy session, and the night before gradation, James asked for her hand in marriage. She said yes."

Will had expected this. Jem's parents had always seemed like the star crossed lovers type.

"Of course, your father, William, had his eyes on Jia, but she was James's girl, fair and square. There wasn't a whole lot William could have done anyway. Your grandfather was close friends with Benedict's father, and just before William left for the Academy, he was betrothed to none other than Benedict's youngest sister, Genevieve Lightwood," Magnus said. "You can imagine how your father took that news."

"How?" Will asked.

"How would you take being caught in an arranged marriage with a Lightwood?" Magnus asked. Will shivered. "Exactly. But Benedict's father and your grandfather agreed: with your father marrying Genevieve, there was hope that their offspring would be strong and worthy as a Shadowhunter. His, or her blood, would be better than most, because their child, or children, would have come from two strong families."

"Their blood would be pure," Will said. Magnus nodded.

"There was talk around that time that some relative of your's had contact with the Angel, and that you still carry evidence of that encounter on your body," Magnus said. "I've seen it. It's the star shaped mark on your lower back. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Will you please stop thinking about my lower back?" Will asked.

"I can't help it," Magnus said. Will scowled and Magnus continued.

"The point is, your father was a highly sought after bachelor. No one knew what contact with the Angel meant, but it was clear that your father wasn't an ordinary Shadowhunter, but rather, someone extraordinary," Magnus said. Will pictured his father back in Wales, spending long days sitting in his study, staring out the window, squinting at the horizon, and saw nothing extraordinary. "William and Genevieve got along well, but it wasn't love. More like measured tolerance. But, it was the best case scenario for all. Genevieve would have a husband, your father would have a wife, and they would be able to continue to bear acceptable Shadowhunters."

"After graduating from the Academy, William and James returned home. James and Jia married quickly and began trying to have a baby. Your father was to marry Genevieve in the summer of that year, until fate intervened," Magnus said. "Around the time your father was at the Academy, a young girl came to me with a most mysterious story. She was a mundane as far as anyone could tell, but she had the ability to perform spells. She was a witch. At the time, witches were dealt with in two separate ways: they were prosecuted and drowned, or held captive and studied. This girl, of course, would one day become your mother."

"After Tabby's death, I stayed far away from mortals, but by the time your mother came to me, I was with Camille. I decided to help your mother refine her powers. There were people, your father and I included, who believed that witches, not entirely mundane but not supernatural either, could help aid the Clave. I planned to train your mother, bring her along in the Shadow world, and perhaps show the Clave that women like her could help the Cause. This was before the Accords were signed, and the Clave needed all the help it could get."

"Your mother was living with Camille and I when your father attended one of the many parties we had. It was here that he met your mother, and little by little, he found reasons to visit her. It was obvious what was going on," Magnus said. "I told you father to stop… messing around. He was practically a married man! But you know what happens when you tell a Herondale to stop playing with fire. They burn the house down to spite you." Will shrugged.

"Your father was falling in love with your mother, and there was no way anyone could stop it. James even tried talking sense into them, but it never worked. James always insisted that it was hard to keep two people who truly loved one another apart," Magnus said. "Regardless, a month before your father was to marry Genevieve… your mother discovered that she was pregnant."

"I was conceived out of wedlock?" Will asked. Magnus nodded. "Just like… Jem's son. Jem and Sophie were together, not married… Sophie was a mundane with the Sight…" Magnus nodded again.

"Oh, Will, the scandal that ensued!" Magnus exclaimed. "Your father broke off his engagement to Genevieve. The fact that your mother was a mundane, and yet pregnant with a Neplilim, proved problematic. The Clave refused to make your mother a Shadowhunter and they also refused to recognize your parent's marriage. James and I were the only people that came to your father's defense. James had always believed in the importance of love and family. He thought, if you father loved your mother and wanted to have a child with her, it was wrong to stand in their way. It was James's idea that your father abandon the Cause in the name of family, and so your father did. He walked away from his parabatai, the Clave, and his entire reason for being… for you."

"Benedict only lost a friend, not a parabatai. James should have been bitter, but not Benedict," Will said. "So Benedict's sister was upset, yes? There wasn't much she could have done about it." Magnus smiled.

"Genevieve loved your father, even if he didn't love her back," Magnus said. "When your father broke off the engagement and married your mother instead… Genevieve hung herself in the Lightwood manor house. Benedict was the one who found her, but by then your father was long gone. Some people say Benedict hasn't been right since." Will's mouth fell open as he sat for a minute in stunned silence.

"Somehow what I've done to the Lightwoods pales in comparison to what my father did to them," Will said.

"You just might be right," Magnus replied.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Give me your thoughts and feedback, please? Here is a teaser: <strong>

Magnus breathed softly and looked into Will's eyes, waiting for him to make the next move.


	13. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Enjoy. This chapter gets smutty. You've been warned!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

Will and Magnus spent the remainder of the day lounging in various rooms of the house. They had more soup for dinner, and then went upstairs to the room where Will would be staying. Magnus lit a fire in the fireplace and sat in a chair as Will rearranged the bookshelves and took careful stock of all of the books. Every time he wondered if Magnus had provided a certain book, he found it shortly thereafter. Magnus watched as Will explored the bookshelves and became more relaxed than he had been in months.

"Can I have those three over there?" Will asked, gesturing to three books on a table. Magnus went over and picked them up. He handed them to Will and their fingers brushed in the transfer. Will dropped one of the books onto the floor and bent down to pick it up. He felt his cheeks turn red despite not having a reason for his embarrassment. If Magnus had noticed, he didn't say anything.

"Are you doing it alphabetically?" Magnus asked.

"Alphabetically by author, then, by publication date," Will said. "For example. The Bronte sisters come before Lewis Carroll, who comes before Dickens. As for Charles Dickens, Little Dorrit was published in 1855, followed by A Tale of Two Cities, and…where's Great Expectations?"

"Tessa said you already have that book," Magnus said.

"Right. First edition," Will said. "I didn't expect you to know that."

"I asked her," Magnus said with a shrug. "I didn't picture you as fanatical about organization." He stepped closer to Will and ran his fingers over the spines of the books on the shelves. Will could smell the faint scent of rose petal soap on warm skin. He inhaled the scent and imagined pressing his face to Magnus's chest and breathing in more of him.

"What do you think of Charles?" Will asked.

"Dickens?"

"No. The name. Charles," Will said. "Or Charlie. Sophie and I were thinking James Charles. What do you think?"

"I like it," Magnus said. "It's… perfect." Will nodded quickly and turned back to the books.

"Do I really have a scar on my back?" Will asked. He knew his body was covered with scars of all sizes but no longer knew the stories behind many of the smaller ones. If he had seen the scar Magnus had mentioned, he doubted he had given it much thought.

"Yes. I saw it… before," Magnus said. "The first time we were together."

"Show me, please," Will said. He walked into the bathroom and Magnus followed. There was a candle lit on the bathroom sink that smelled of sage to sweeten the otherwise stale air. "Shall I remove my shirt?"

"You don't have to," Magnus said. Will put his back to the mirror over the bathroom sink and Magnus stepped in front of him. He pulled Will's shirt free from the back of his pants, then moved his hands beneath Will's shirt, touching Will's sides carefully. It was the same as all of the first times Magnus had touched Will before. Magnus didn't hold Will, and Will could have gotten away if he wanted to. As always, it was an unspoken choice for Will. He could pull away, and reject Magnus's close proximity, or he could allow it. "Your pants are covering it."

Will laughed nervously but reached down and unbuttoned his pants. Magnus rested his left hand on the back of Will's pants and pulled them down a little more. His right hand rested on Will's skin, then framed an area just to the right of his tail bone and the rune that was etched there.

"Here," Magnus said. Will craned his neck and frowned. There was a scar there, not on the surface of his skin where he might have felt it during a bath, but instead imprinted into his skin beneath the surface.

"Did my father have one?" Will asked.

"I never saw his, if that's what you're asking. I only heard rumor," Magnus said. "You and I were together for the first time and I saw it then. I didn't think it necessary it discuss it. I thought you already knew about."

"No," Will said, "I didn't."

Magnus dropped the back of Will's shirt down but kept his hands on Will's lower back. There was space between them and Magnus could have pulled Will close or pushed him away, but did neither. Their chests were close together and warmth radiated between them. Magnus breathed softly and looked into Will's eyes, waiting for him to make the next move. Will was painfully aware that his pants were unbuttoned. He felt the familiar tightening in his lower stomach and was certain that he had picked a perfect time to get hard over nothing but a silly touch. He hoped Magnus was gone before his desire became apparent. At the same time, Will wished that Magnus would pick this moment to not hold back.

"I'm going to bed now," Magnus said. He slid his hands around Will's stomach, to the front, and kissed him on the cheek. "Will you be requiring your bed to be turned down? How about a cup of warm milk?" Magnus severed all contact then by pulling his hands away and stepping back. Will ached to reach for him but told himself it wasn't the right time. He couldn't just be with Magnus, and throw himself back into bed with Magnus. Not after all that had happened.

"Just an extra log on the fire, please." Will said. He forced himself to walk out of the bathroom and shed his shirt as he went. Magnus had provided a pair of flannel pajamas for Will to wear. They were laid out on the bed so Will dressed in them, his back to Magnus as Magnus tended to the fire. Magnus turned down the covers on the bed and Will climbed in, noting that the bed was far larger than any bed he had encountered before. A bed like this was meant to be shared, not slept in alone on a cold February night.

"Just give me a shout if you need anything," Magnus said. "Perhaps tomorrow I'll go through the attic and see if I can dig up any old pictures of you and Jem's fathers." Will nodded and faced the windows, putting his back to Magnus. "You can pick whatever you want to have for breakfast tomorrow. Anything."

"Strawberry waffles, please," Will said. "Good night, Magnus."

"Good night, Will," Magnus said. Will pulled the covers up to his chin as Magnus walked from the room.

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><p>An hour later, Will was still awake. He stared into the deep, unfamiliar shadows of the room and thought about how Magnus was one floor below him, already asleep in his own bed. Will's chest began to ache as he realized that he was truly alone, without even a cat to keep him warm. Magnus had said he would be there for Will but he wasn't in Will's bed and Will wanted someone to spend the night with.<p>

That was a foolish desire. If Magnus had truly wanted to be in Will's bed, he would have come up by now, or, perhaps he would have never left. Will was certain he misjudged Magnus. Whatever Magnus had desired from Will, it must not have been sexual. Magnus wasn't holding back. If he had wanted to have sex, he would have told Will… but then again, Magnus hadn't always made his desires completely known out of fear for frightening Will.

Will sat up in bed and dangled his feet over the edge. He climbed from the bed, put on his dressing gown and slippers, and left the room.

The stairs barely made a sound as Will crept down to the ground floor. He went first to the kitchen for a glass of water, and then continued to the parlor, planning to sit inside for a little while. Magnus's bedroom door was closed and Will believed that he was already tucked in his bed, fast asleep. Will pushed open the parlor door, walked inside, and stopped short.

Magnus was sitting on the sofa, framed in the light of a dying fire, his eyes closed. There was a book tossed carelessly onto a tea table and Magnus was holding a half gone glass of brown liquid in one hand. He sighed breathlessly as his other hand hastily unbuttoned his night shirt.

"Will," Magnus mumbled.

"Magnus?" Will asked. Magnus's eyes flew open and he looked up at Will, shocked, as his hand remained on his shirt. "I couldn't sleep."

"Sit with me," Magnus said quickly.

Will sat beside Magnus on the sofa and took the glass from Magnus. He had one sip of the liquid, felt it burn down his throat, and set the glass on the tea table. Magnus turned his head to Will and licked his lips, looking Will up and down. Will reached over, parted Magnus's shirt down the middle, and pressed his lips to the center of Magnus's chest, inhaling the heady scent of rose petals. Magnus threaded his hand into Will's hair and tangled it within the strands. Will kissed his way up Magnus's chest to his mouth and gently nipped at Magnus's lower lip.

Magnus moved his arm around Will's body and pushed him over so that Will had no choice but to toss his leg over Magnus and settle down onto the sofa, straddling him. Magnus gazed at Will with glassy, blood shot eyes, then closed his eyes and kissed Will on the lips again. His right hand landed on Will's lower back and forced their bodies together. Will rolled his hips into Magnus's body and felt Magnus's cock, already partially hard beneath his pants.

"I want you," Magnus whimpered.

"I want you to," Will said. He pulled his shirt off, tossed it onto the floor, and followed it with Magnus's shirt. They kissed roughly, but Will didn't feel left behind. He finally felt like he and Magnus were traveling at the same speed. The arousal was slow to build because Will wasn't focused on becoming aroused. He instead thought about the way Magnus was touching him: not to roughly and not gently either. He wasn't holding back but he wasn't pushing too hard either.

When Will felt he was ready, he stood up, grabbed Magnus's arm, and hauled him to his feet. Magnus stepped sideways and grabbed Will by the shoulders to steady himself. He moved his hands to Will's lower back again and kissed Will's lips once again. Will untied the drawstring of Magnus's pants and they fell down, completely exposing him. Magnus laughed, reached over, and did the same for Will.

"How long have you wanted me?" Will asked. Magnus laughed carelessly and rolled his eyes. He ran two fingers up Will's spine to the base of Will's neck. He brushed his fingers against Will's hair line, tugged on his hair, and kissed the place on his neck where Will's pulse pounded. A shiver ran up Will's spine and he pushed his tongue into Magnus's mouth. Magnus's breath smelled like alcohol and his spit tasted like sweet brandy.

"You know how long I have wanted you," Magnus mumbled. "I've wanted you for a very long fucking time. But it wasn't right… it wasn't the proper time for us. It never was." Magnus's fingers kneaded into Will's lower back. He opened his eyes, smiled blissfully, and staggered backwards. Will laughed aloud and grabbed Magnus by the waist to keep him from falling into the fire.

"You're drunk!" Will exclaimed.

"I can explain," Magnus said. He giggled, and wrapped his arms around Will's back as they gently kissed. "I had a glass of brandy and I thought about you being all alone in your bed upstairs." He kissed Will on the cheek. "Then I had another glass and I thought about how I could come spend the night with you and leave before you woke up. I would still get to share your bed and you wouldn't know," Magnus placed several moist kisses against Will's jaw line. "Then I had another glass and thought about what it might be like to climb into your bed and just do… this." Magnus bit down on Will's neck and sucked hard.

Will gasped and felt a warm blush race down his neck and settle in his chest. There was the feeling of skin tearing as it was pulled tight. Just as Will wanted to push Magnus away, Magnus released the suction on Will's neck and left the skin throbbing.

"Just like that," Magnus gasped. He bent his head down and flicked his tongue over one of Will's nipples. He sucked and teased the tip of his wet tongue over Will's nipple, then ran his fingers up and down Will's chest. When Magnus finally released Will's now sensitive nipple, it was red and slightly sore.

Magnus ran his lips across Will's chest and gave equal attention to the other nipple as he moved his hand down Will's chest to lowest part of Will's stomach. His fingers probed lower and wrapped around the base of Will's cock as he lifted his head and kissed Will's mouth again.

Will ran his hands down Magnus's back and ground his fingertips against Magnus's rib bones. Magnus pushed his hips against Will's and began to stroke his cock as Will pushed himself into the tight grip Magnus had made.

"Now I'm going to taste you," Magnus said. He knelt on the floor in front of the fireplace and looked up at Will, licking his lips as he looked Will over. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

"You're drunk."

"I love you."

Will looked down, shocked, as Magnus opened his mouth, closed his eyes, gripped Will's erection, and pushed it into his mouth.

"No," Will mumbled. Magnus looked up. "You've done more than enough. It's my turn to give you something."

"Then fuck me," Magnus said. "If you want to give me something, you'll fuck me. You know you want to."

Will tried to come up with something logical or witty and came up with nothing. Magnus smiled, turned his back on Will, and crossed the room. Will followed him over to a bookcase with a shelf just high enough to brace against.

There was no time for questions or words to be exchanged. Magnus pressed his body back against Will's as he ran his first two fingers over Will's cock, carefully covering him with a hot lubricant. Magnus spread his knees apart and rested a hand on the bookshelf. He took a breath in, and let it out. Will took the moment to slip himself all of the way inside.

"Oh my God," Magnus said. Will was shocked to hear those words come from Magnus's mouth but was more shocked to see the warlock bent over in front of him, taking all Will was able to offer. Magnus moaned and his body shuddered, not in pain, but in something else. He moved back against Will, inviting Will to push deeper. Will withdrew and thrust in again, then wrapped an arm around Magnus's stomach.

"You were ready for me," Will said.

"You have no idea," Magnus replied. "I've wanted you since the last time I had you. You're all I've ever wanted."

"I can't-"Will couldn't say words like that in the heat of moments like this.

"I know," Magnus reached back, grabbed Will's left hand, and pressed it to his hip. "Fuck me, Will."

Will pushed in harder and pulled out, thrusting hard. Magnus groaned and ground his body against Will's. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the bookshelf. Will dropped his right hand to Magnus's hip and began to guide his body forward and back. Heat and friction build along the length of Will's cock. He thought about how long it had been since he had done this with another man and realized in that moment that he couldn't remember.

"Fuck me, Will!" Magnus's voice was one part raw and pained one part strong and demanding. His eyes closed tightly as his right hand began to stroke himself rapidly.

Will thrust harder into Magnus and felt his hips hit Magnus's squarely in the backside, where were sure to leave bruises. Will sucked on the skin across Magnus's upper back, leaving his own line of bite marks and nearly broken skin. Magnus began to sweat and his body became slick in Will's arms. Will felt himself getting closer to the inevitable place and then something pushed him over the edge. His body drenched itself in sweat as Will thrust in once more and came hard enough to lose his breath.

"I'm so sorry," Will gasped. His head spun as he pulled out slowly. Magnus straightened up, took Will by the hand, and pulled him back across the room to the sofa. They fell together onto the cushions, Will on the bottom and Magnus on top of him, straddling him. Magnus began to kiss Will again, so hard and passionately, Will tasted brandy on his own saliva. Magnus reached down and pressed Will's hand to his cock. As Will stroked it, Magnus kept a hand on Will's wrist, gently guiding him.

"I love you, Will," Magnus whispered. "I love you and you don't even know how much I love you."

Will kissed Magnus until he tasted blood. Magnus's cock was solid in Will's hands. He was ran his hands over Will's body and thrust his cock into Will's hand. Will felt tightness in his hand, followed by a quick release as Magnus came between them.

Magnus mumbled a curse word and waved his hand over Will's stomach, banishing all of the fluid. Will missed it. He missed the decisive feeling in knowing that he had pushed Magnus hard enough to make his own self unforgettable.

"Come to bed with me," Magnus said. He offered his hand and Will took it. They went to Magnus's room and climbed into bed. Magnus put his arms around Will and held him close. "I love you."

"I love you to," Will said, but by then, Magnus was already snoring against Will's back.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading. Please review. Please? There's no teaser. <strong>


	14. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: It would be nice to hear some feedback from the rest of the readers who are faithfully reading. Otherwise, I offer thanks to everyone who already reads and reviews. When I feel like I don't have an audience, I'm reminded by you all that I still do. Thanks to everyone who is reading this story. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

Early the next morning, Will felt Magnus climb carefully out of the bed, as not to wake Will up, but that would have been impossible. Magnus had spent the night with his arms around Will's body and his hips pressed firmly to Will's backside. Will's lower back felt sweaty from the warmth of Magnus's body against his. Magnus didn't want to wake Will up, but the moment he moved, Will felt his absence.

Will's eyes opened as Magnus walked around the bed. He was completely naked and in the light coming in from the one bedroom window, his body was a deep tan color. His skin was smooth, with a light dusting of dark hair on his jaw line. He was always clean shaven and Will realized he had never seen Magnus looking this way. It was like he had been taken apart last night, or some protective enchantment had been stripped away, allowing Will to see everything Magnus kept hidden.

Magnus's hair hung in his eyes as he bent over with a groan to lift a pair of pants from the floor. He straightened, put his back to the bed, and rubbed the back of his neck, then moved his hand to reveal the bite marks and bruises Will had left behind.

Magnus pulled the pants up, slowly, then walked back over to the bed to kiss Will gently on the cheek. Magnus whispered something Will didn't hear, then pulled the covers up over Will's arms, nestling Will in the quilts, and left the room.

The moment he was gone, Will rolled onto his back. He was naked as well. The warm, soft fabric of the covers caressed places he hadn't known were sensitive. The sheets brushed against his lower stomach the same way Magnus was able to touch him so lightly, he barely felt anything. Will remembered last night, how they had been together roughly in the fire light of the parlor. He wanted to make love the way they had before, when one of them would lay on their back while the other thrust carefully and lazily. Orgasm was an afterthought. The act of making love would take center stage.

Magnus moved about the house, stopping first in the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. He continued to the kitchen after that, presumably to start a pot of tea. The clock struck ten as Magnus walked down the hallway to the front door. He pulled the door open and screamed.

Will leapt out of bed, jerked on a pair of pants, and hurried from the room. Cold air blew down the hallway, bringing with it a cloud of snowflakes. Magnus stood at the door, one hand on the door, his back to Will.

"What are you…?" Will began. He stopped at Magnus's side to see a five foot tall snow drift which had arrived sometime during the night and had, for lack of better words, snowed them in.

"It snowed," Magnus remarked. "It hasn't snowed like this in years. Not since you were born, anyway."

"We should go out and make a castle!" Will exclaimed. "Jem and I made a fort once… then it melted. It and a roof and everything!"

"But you're my prisoner," Magnus said. "You're not allowed outside." Will turned to Magnus to see several lip sized bruises across Magnus's shoulder blades. He shivered as the cold air outside chilled his chest.

"But I need fresh air," Will said.

"We'll open a window," Magnus said. Will folded his arms and pouted. He heard an odd creaking noise and they both turned to the door just as the snow drift collapsed. Thick, white powdery snow began to rush in the door. It took both Will and Magnus to get the door closed and keep the snow out. Will stepped in puddles the snow made on the floor and cursed profusely as he latched the door. "That could have gone poorly."

Magnus was leaning against the door, breathing heavily as he recovered from his surprise. Will was beside him, their shoulders nearly touching. It occurred to Will that they were both shirtless but dressed in pajama pants, with nothing beneath them. They were alone together, with no danger of being interrupted given the five feet of snow outside the door.

"You saved me," Magnus said dreamily.

"You're still drunk," Will replied. Magnus turned to Will and rested his hands on Will's shoulders.

"Good morning," he whispered, and kissed Will on the lips.

Will mumbled a reply and placed his hands on Magnus's waist. Magnus brushed his lips against Will's cheek, and then kissed a spot on Will's neck that felt bruised. He moved his hands down Will's chest and held him by the hips as he kissed Will's collarbones, chest and stomach.

"Let's go back to bed," Will mumbled, "I'm not ready to wake up yet."

Magnus pulled Will back to the bedroom. They each paused to remove their pants before slipping back into the warm, soft bed. Magnus pushed Will onto his back and spread his knees as he knelt between them.

"I want this morning to be the opposite of last night," Magnus said. Will closed his eyes as Magnus rubbed his stomach with his fingertips and began to gently lick the inside of Will's thighs. He didn't feel the need to mention that he had wanted the same thing Magnus did.

In time, Magnus took Will's cock in his mouth and began to suck with his eyes closed, his face relaxed and blissful. Will spread his knees more and Magnus knew, without Will even asking, what Will wanted from him. He rubbed his first three fingers together and dipped them low. Magnus touched Will carefully and intimately, warming him up with no pain or pressure, before he moved up between Will's legs and kissed Will on the lips. Will nodded and licked his lips, so Magnus carefully pressed himself inside.

The first time Magnus moved into him, Will's eyes closed with pain and he wondered to himself why anyone would have sex this way. Then Magnus kissed Will's lips and whispered more wonderful things Will heard, that time. His lower body relaxed and welcomed Magnus into him. Magnus thrust slowly and controlled. Will's eyes closed as his hands rested on Magnus's hips. Everything felt perfect.

The first time they had been together, Will had been drunk and heartbroken. Magnus had been reckless and unstoppable. They had rushed into it because Will wanted to hurt and Magnus just wanted Will. Magnus had pushed inside of Will, unprotected, in this very bed. Will had tangled his hands in the covers as his knees shook and he was certain he was being ripped in half. Magnus had stopped thrusting, insisting on not hurting Will. Besides kissing Camille, Magnus never had hurt Will. He had kept his promise.

When Magnus had finally come inside of him that first time, burning pain filled his lower stomach, as if his body was rejecting Magnus. Will had become sick from it, but that had been a blessing in and of itself. They could have been only sex between them, but instead, Will's illness and Magnus need to nurse Will back to health caused indefinable feelings to develop between them. Magnus had somehow slipped himself inside of Will, into a place usually reserved only for Jem, and was still there, even now. Six months later, after everything that happened between them, they had come back to the bed and the first place they had ever felt something for one another.

Now, Magnus thrusted lazily and caused pressure to build slowly in Will's stomach. Will didn't feel the need to orgasm, not yet, anyway. Magnus kissed Will and ran hot lips down the side of Will's neck. A little voice in the back of Will's head told him that he didn't deserve this; didn't deserve to have a man like Magnus making love to him in this manner. Jem had died and Will wasn't supposed to move on, but he had. There was only one way to move on from the mark Jem's death had left on his life, and that was by loving again. Will's mind told him that six months wasn't enough time to fall in love again. He should have waited a few years. He should have waited until there wasn't a baby due to arrive in two months and vast choices to be made about the future. Will's mind told him he wasn't ready for this, and wasn't ready for all Magnus had to offer, but his heart and body wanted to be.

"I love you," Will whispered.

"I love you to," Magnus said.

Will felt the exact moment his body told him to stop holding back, and to let nature take its course. He pulled his knees further apart and allowed Magnus to thrust deeply until his body finally released with a throbbing, hot and breathless orgasm. Magnus followed a second later, pulled out, and quickly went to clean up before crawling back into bed beside Will. They lay together for long moments.

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><p>"What was that about?" Will finally asked.<p>

"I wanted to pleasure you and so I did," Magnus said. Will shivered at the word "pleasure" and rolled onto his side. If Magnus used what transpired between them as the definition for pleasure, Will shuddered to think of how Magnus might define bliss. He looked back at Magnus, inviting Magnus to move close, so Magnus did, drawing his body against Will's and resting a hand on Will's back. "So strawberry waffles for breakfast?"

"Later," Will mumbled. He could get used to a life like this, where the only pressing concern of the day was what to eat for each meal.

"Equilibrium." Magnus touched the rune on the side of Will's neck. Will didn't ask how Magnus knew the names of his runes. He just appreciated that Magnus did. "Speech…" That rune was located on the back of Will's neck. "Soundless…"

"I'd leave the Clave for you," Will said. Magnus took a breath, his hand on the middle of Will's back.

"Agility…" Magnus said. "Mark of the Angel…" Magnus had his hand on the lowest part of Will's back. He ran his fingers over the star within Will's skin. "Please don't say things like that. Not yet."

"It's true. If I had to choose between you and the Clave, I would choose you," Will said. "If you asked me to, I would walk away from everything."

"You shouldn't have to change something about yourself just to be better suited to another person," Magnus said.

"I wouldn't change. I just wouldn't be a member of the Clave anymore," Will said. "I love you enough to walk away from the only thing I have ever really know. You're the only person, alive, who ever gave me anything. I would give you this in return."

"Sophie isn't giving you a son?" Magnus asked. "Charlotte and Henry didn't give you a roof over your head? Tessa didn't search every shop in town until she found you a first edition copy of Great Expectations?"

"Those are material things. You know what I mean," Will said. "You're the only one who's never expected anything in return. Magnus, I-"

"This scar, right here," Magnus said. He ran his fingers over a bumping and uneven scar across Will's back. It was a long, thin slice that went deep into Will's skin and was accompanied by two shallower scars on either side. "Where did this come from?"

Will closed his eyes and thought back. He had fought many demons, both at the Academy and in the London streets. His body was a tapestry of scars, but the deep ones were the easiest to remember.

"Jem and I came across this nasty Laika demon on one of our first dispatches without an instructor. They have claws, and this one came after Jem. It was hot that night, in the middle of summer, and I hadn't worn my armor. I shoved Jem out of the way because the thing was going for his face and took three claws across my back," Will said. "We killed it right after but the poison made me sick. Jem summoned back up and I must have fainted in his arms. I woke up the next morning in the Infirmary."

"But you protected him," Magnus said.

"It was what I was supposed to do," Will said. "We had each other's backs. I guess the scar should serve as a reminder." Magnus traced his fingers over the scar again.

"When you had Jem's back, who had yours?" Magnus asked.

Will didn't respond. He instead remembered his consciousness flickering before his eyes as he lay in Jem's arms. Jem had been upset, nearly crying. He had always been afraid of losing Will, despite all of the times Will had nearly died but survived. Jem had been the one to die protecting Will. Jem had been the one to sacrifice his life so that Will could live, and love, again.

"I'm going to move in with you," Will said. "If you want to be with me, I want to be with you."

"Oh, Will…" Magnus began. "You can't just…."

"I am," Will said. "I'm never leaving, Magnus. We can be together, if you'll have me." Will's eyes started to feel heavy and he closed them.

"But what about Sophie? What about Charlie?" Magnus asked. "I thought you would talk with Sophie, and…"

"I want to be with you," Will said. "Haven't you always wanted to hear those words?" Magnus took a deep breath. "I want to be with you. I'll do anything as long as you're still in my life. I'll do anything."

Magnus remained silent behind him, and held Will close until they both fell asleep, lost in their own thoughts.

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><p>Will woke up later on to find the bed empty. He dressed in his pajama tops and bottoms and followed quiet noises down to the kitchen, where he found Magnus preparing breakfast. He was completely dressed as he stood in front of the stove and stirred something. Will couldn't have touched a bit of Magnus's skin even if he had wanted to. Magnus moved with clipped precision. Will had been around Magnus enough to know when something was weighing on the warlock's mind.<p>

"Good morning," Will said.

"Afternoon," Magnus corrected. He gestured with a spatula to a clock above the stove which claimed it was half past noon. Will nodded and kissed Magnus on the back of the neck, breathing in his heady scent of sweat and perfume.

"Who's counting?" Will asked. Magnus shrugged and looked out of the kitchen window. Will followed his gaze to see the snow drifted against the window as well, sealing them in with diffused, white light.

"Fancy some tea?" Magnus asked. Will shrugged and sat at the table. Magnus poured him a cup of tea.

"I'm sorry I slept so late," Will said.

"You need your rest," Magnus said. "That's why you're here, to rest, relax, and… decide what you want to do next." He tossed a waffle onto a plate and snapped his fingers at a jar of strawberries, which flipped over and dumped at a substantial amount of berries onto the waffles. Magnus picked up the plate and set it in front of Will. "Syrup?" Will nodded, so Magnus set a cup of maple syrup on the table.

"Are we still snowed in?" Will asked. He stood up and went to get a fork from a drawer beside Magnus. Magnus stepped aside, giving Will space. It felt wrong. This was the warlock who had spent over an hour just this morning with his body between Will's legs. They should have been closer than they were now. Will should have felt Magnus climb out of bed.

"I can't see five feet of snow melting in four hours, if that's what you're asking," Magnus said.

"I just wanted to know-"

"The snow is still outside, yes." Magnus tossed a waffle onto his plate and sat at the table across from Will. "After we eat, I have work to do in the parlor. Can I trust you to occupy your time?"

"Right, of course, I can occupy my time," Will said. Magnus gave him a fleeting smile and a quick nod before turning to his meal.

After they ate, Will insisted on doing the dishes. Magnus stood beside him and dried them, and then Magnus went to the parlor and Will went upstairs. He sat at the piano and fiddled with the keys, playing various notes as he stared at the black and white keys, trying to make his eyes see gray. Brilliant light flooded into the windows and cast itself all over the room Will had accepted as his own.

"I didn't know you knew how to play the piano," Will heard. He looked up to see Magnus standing at the door.

"My mother taught me how," Will said. "I forgot about it." Magnus crossed the room and sat beside Will on the piano bench. "I've done something terrible, haven't I? I've upset you in some way. Now you don't want me here."

"I love you, Will," Magnus said. He pressed a few of the keys on the piano and stared down at them. Long, bold notes filled the room. "I can't resist you. You make me feel like doing stupid things. Stupid things, like, asking you to move in with me."

"You don't want me to move in?" Will asked.

"Nothing could be further from the truth. I want you to move in with me. I want you to never leave," Magnus said. "Loving you has made me selfish. Before, I asked you to come to Paris with me. You were bound to Jem. I should have known better than to come between you and he." Will shook his head. Six months ago, he had wanted Magnus to come between he and Jem. "Now, I've asked you to move in with me. You've told me that you would, that you would walk away from everything, for me."

"You wouldn't do the same?" Will asked.

"Of course I would." Magnus said. "That's not my point. You would walk away from everything for me. You would be with me, instead of being with the person you should be with." Will started to speak but Magnus put a hand up. "I'm not talking about Jem. I'm talking about Sophie."

Sophie. The last time Will had seen her, she had been crying over what Will had done. Things had finally been right with them, and then Will messed everything up. It wasn't possible to make Sophie happy and be with Magnus. It was the same as Will wanting to be with Magnus while bound to Jem. Some things would never work without hurting someone.

"I love you, and I love being intimate with you. I love being your lover, but I want more than just sex with you. If it's more than just sex between us, if you really do love me, it means that you're giving me the love you should be giving to Sophie. I'm afraid that me, being in your life, means that I'll be taking you away from Charlie. Charlie and Sophie will need you more than I ever will," Magnus said.

"You won't take me from them," Will said. "Sophie knows I'll never marry her. I don't want to. She's… nothing to me."

"She's pregnant with Jem's son. She's your only tie to Jem, now. She isn't nothing to you," Magnus said. "She's going to give birth to your child. You're supposed to feel things for her, no matter what. Do you?"

Sophie was still pregnant with the only thing she and Will had in common. When Will thought of the good times he had shared with Sophie, they always related back to the baby in her stomach. Will tried to picture himself married to Sophie and coming home to her every night as her husband and could not see it. He only saw a life full of a shared goal in raising Charlie together, and empty of any passion, romance, or love.

"Sophie loved Jem and Jem… he liked Sophie. I can't be with her the way she would need me to be," Will said. "When I imagine it, I only see us always wanting to be with someone else."

"What would Jem have wanted?" Magnus asked. Will almost replied that he would have never wanted a child to begin with, but that was wrong. Jem would have wanted to have a child. If he had been unable to raise the child, he would have still picked Will for the task.

"I don't know what he would have wanted," Will said. Jem wouldn't have wanted Will to be with Magnus. He had insisted that Will love again. Now, Will didn't know how to love again. Magnus was right. There was only so much love Will could give to everyone.

"I want you to talk to Sophie and find out what she wants," Magnus said. "If she wants to be with you, and to raise your child together… I'm going to have to walk away, Will. I won't take you from the person you love again."

"You want me to choose between you and Sophie?" Will asked.

"No," Magnus said. "You shouldn't have to choose."

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please review? No teaser. I've been really busy lately and I haven't been finishing chapters as far in advance as I want them to be. Bear with me! <strong>


	15. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: So I started working on the next chapter and it got really big and long and a lot of things happen in it. So, long story short, I chopped the chapter in half into what I call a "bonus" chapter which means I'll give you a little chapter now and a manageable- length one in a few days. So, for all of you Will/Magnus lovers out there (and for everyone else who is still reading) , please, enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

Will spent the rest of the day, upstairs, away from Magnus and deep in thought. Jem hadn't made his death easy on Will. Jem's instructions to Will had requested that Will love again, but Jem had never told Will who to love. Magnus had told Will that he shouldn't have to choose and meant that Will should already know who he should be with. Sophie needed a husband, Charlie needed a father, and it was only right that Will satisfy both of the roles.

Will found himself thinking about the decisions his own father had made. He could have abandoned Will's mother and left her to raise a child on her own, knowing that the Clave would end up with the child one way or another. He had done that, he could have stayed with the Clave, married Genevieve, and made everyone happy, but William himself wouldn't have been happy. He couldn't have forced himself into a loveless marriage. He had made himself happy, instead of making others happy.

Will closed his eyes and envisioned his parent's home in Wales. It had been built on the edge of a cliff overlooking a bay. Even in the heat of summer, the air was still cold, and always smelled of crisp salt water. The sky never seemed to be clear and instead remained an impermeable, pewter gray all year round. Will had been just a child when he had left, and yet, he saw himself there now, standing on a bluff, staring out into the ocean as an adult. The last rays of the sun reflected blue on the water and flickered out, one by one.

Frozen grass crunched underfoot as Will turned away from the ocean and looked at the rambling three story house he had been born in. In his darkest nights of sorrow and heartache following his flight to London, Will planned to never come back in the same way Cecily had left, and never came back.

Will walked up the yard towards the house. The house drew him in with heat to warm his frigid body. There was a single light burning in the first floor kitchen of the house, so Will walked over to the window. A woman stood in front of a sink, washing dishes. Her hair was long and dark and her eyes were a piercing blue as she searched the distant horizon. Will felt a pang in his chest. His mother never had stopped waiting for Will to come home.

There was movement behind Will's mother. She turned, a small smile on her face as a man came into view. Like Will's mother, this man, his father, looked much older than Will remembered. His face was lined with age and worry but his eyes were light. The man smiled and grabbed the woman around the waist. He pulled her against his body. Her hands splashed soapy water out of the sink as her arms went up around his neck. They began to slow dance to a song that wasn't playing.

Will's father had given up everything to live on a lonely cliff in Wales. He had lost both of his children in separate circumstances, and yet he was content to dance with the woman he loved. Will's father had chosen his own path to happiness. He laughed and twirled the woman he loved around a tiny kitchen. In eleven years, and more so in this moment, Will had never seen his father regret the decisions he had made in his past.

Everything Jem had told Will suddenly became crystal clear. Jem hadn't told Will who to love, because he wanted Will to decide for himself. For Will, there was only one choice to be made. He hadn't had to choose at all; he already knew the answer.

* * *

><p>Sometime later, Will opened his eyes to find himself curled up on a large, fluffy pillow on the floor beside a window, upstairs in the apartment Magnus had designated as Will's. He smelled beef stew and sat up to see Magnus setting a small knee high table with bowls, bread, and a candle near the fireplace.<p>

"It's supper time," Magnus said. "Come eat. I want to talk."

Will went to to wash his hands, and then sat down at the table. Magnus cut thick slices of white bread, then sat down to the right of Will. He poured them cups of tea before they began to eat.

"I'm sorry about before," Magnus said. He buttered his bread, and then buttered Will's as well. "Of course I want you to move in, and be with me. I would want nothing more than to wake up at your side every day, but you have an obligation to Charlie. You might not love Sophie, but you'll regret every day of the rest of your life if you don't at least try to be a father to her son."

"I understand that, but I love you," Will said. "I can finally love you. I want to love you and I'm ready to love you. I have to believe that I can have it all. I can be with you, and I can be a good father. It's hard to keep two people who truly love each other apart. You told me that." Magnus smiled but shook his head.

"But what about Sophie?" Magnus asked. "You have an obligation…"

"I can't be with her. She's better off with someone who can love her in ways I can't," Will said. "I know it would be easier and better for everyone if I just married her, but I can't live that way. Jem would have wanted me to be happy. I wouldn't be, with her."

"It's only right-" Magnus began.

"It's not right when it feels wrong," Will insisted. "I know what I have to do, Magnus, but I can't do it without you. I love you. When you don't believe in us…I will. I need you with me. Anyhow, anyway, and anywhere." Magnus lifted his hand and rested it on Will's.

"I'm here," Magnus said. "I'll be at your side for as long as you need me to be. Even when you beg me to leave, even when you make it clear you want me gone, I'll still be with you. I will always come back to you, time and time again…"

"Until death?" Will asked. He felt himself teetering on the edge of the unknown and realized that this was how a man must feel when it came time to ask someone to spend a lifetime with together. People might think he was crazy, to commit to a man, and a warlock, but Will didn't care. His only thoughts were on Magnus. Will had loved Jem but Jem wanted Will to love again, and the only person Will wanted to be with was Magnus. When there was no one left to be at his side, he still wanted Magnus there.

Everything hinged on Magnus's reply. He would be committing blindly to an uncertain future. Will would have to be with Sophie in one way or another, simply because she was the mother of his son. Charlie would be a major part of Will's life, and yet, a life spent with Magnus wouldn't be impossible. It would take work, but it would be worth it, always.

Magnus took Will's hand and pressed the back of it to his lips.

"Until death," Magnus replied.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please review? Here's a teaser!<strong>

"I can make this easy on us. I can walk away. Can you?"


	16. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Thank you for all of the wonderful reviews. Please keep them coming. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

Will woke up the next morning alone, completely naked and wrapped in the softest blankets he had ever felt. Magnus had climbed out of bed at dawn, somehow knowing, instinctively that Will needed to be left alone after all that had transpired the night before. They had made a vow to each other, however simplistic it had been, that they would remain at one another's side until death. The vow was the same as the one Will had made to Jem, but different in the fact that it would be permanent. This time, Magnus would have to face losing Will, rather than Will being the one for death to take his lover. It was both comforting and frightening.

The entire night felt sacred to Will. He was afraid to even think about it and wanted to remember it as a perfect reality, not as an imperfect, fading dream. After every promise was made, they had climbed into bed together and made love like the last six months of pain and heartache had never happened. Will's last thought as he fell asleep in Magnus's arms was that he was finally home.

Will opened his eyes and saw that bright light cascaded in from the windows. The sky was a pristine blue. He wondered if he had fallen asleep in February and woke up in May.

"It's almost all melted," A voice whispered. Will turned his head and saw Magnus sitting on the bedside, completely dressed. "It's practically spring."

"It's just a thaw," Will mumbled. He had lived in London long enough to know there would be at least another two months of cold, damp weather. Then, there would be three months of warm, damp weather. Jem had always loathed the London weather, though Will hadn't found Shanghai's weather to much different. "Come back to bed." Will reached out to pull Magnus back into the warm cocoon of the bed.

"We have visitors," Magnus said. He crawled across the bed, laid his head on Will's shoulder, and inhaled.

"From the Clave?" Will asked.

"Not precisely," Magnus said. "It's Tessa and Sophie. Henry brought them out for a visit since the weather is so nice." Will groaned and burrowed his head beneath the pillow. He felt Magnus's weight against his chest, nearly squeezing the breath from his lungs. They could have fallen asleep this way, close and intimate. Magnus found his way beneath the pillow and kissed Will gently on the lips. "Get up. I'll make tea. When they leave we'll get back into bed and I'll do that thing you like."

"Which thing?"

"You'll see," Magnus said. "I guarantee, you'll like it." Magnus climbed from the bed, crossed the room, and went downstairs. Will closed his eyes and smiled.

* * *

><p>Will took his time getting dressed and finally walked downstairs. The ground floor was warm, cozy and smelled of banana bread. There were voices coming from the parlor so Will walked to the room and pushed open the door.<p>

Tessa stood just inside the door, wearing the blue dress Will had always liked her in. Her hair hung loose around her face with small sections pinned up. Tessa's eyes were intently set upon a shelf of books as she smiled unconsciously, lost in her imagination.

"Have you ever seen so many books?" Will mumbled. Tessa gasped and looked at Will, smiling secretively. She shook her head, almost gleefully, as her hand remained on the spine of a book.

"I can see why you like being here," Tessa said, her eyes knowing. She looked across the room to Magnus, who was lighting a candle on the mantle. "How are you, Will?"

"Better than ever," Will said. "I hadn't expected you and Sophie to leave the Institute."

"Sophie wanted to come for a visit," Tessa said, nodding to the sofa.

Sophie sat on the sofa, hands folded over her stomach, her lips formed into a tight pout. She had been crying the last time Will had seen her. He had made her cry, and hadn't yet forgiven himself for it. Jem would not have wanted Will to have hurt Sophie.

Will quickly crossed the room and sat down beside Sophie. She looked away, so he lifted his hand and touched her arm. "I'm sorry, Sophie. But you must understand why I did it. Benedict was saying awful things about Jem, and you. What sort of man would I be if I didn't defend the honor of my closest friend… and the woman he loved?" Will asked.

"You would be a man who put logic over brute force," Sophie said. "You would have fought your battles as a man, and not a boy."

"I'm sorry," Will said.

"What's done is done," Sophie said. She shrugged and did not meet his eyes.

Magnus set a cup and saucer on the table in front of Will. Will reached for it and caught Magnus's shocked gaze. He hadn't expected Will to have taken their commitment that seriously, yet Will had.

They sipped their tea for a few minutes, all waiting for someone to start the conversation.

"Henry and Charlotte send their best," Tessa finally said. "Charlotte says you are welcome back at the Institute. Gabriel Lightwood is two days into a five day stay in the Silent City. He caused harm to a Shadowhunter. He needed to be punished." Tessa said the words with such unabashed glee, Will found himself intrigued by her new found blood lust.

"And how are you, Sophie?" Magnus asked. "How is the little one?" Sophie put a hand over her stomach and regarded Magnus suspiciously.

"Charlie is just fine," Sophie said. "I'm entering into my seventh month of pregnancy. I'm here because… decisions need to be made. Decisions regarding Will and I."

Magnus met Will's eyes and looked away. Will wished for last night, when it had only been he and Magnus. Now, there was Sophie, and Charlie, and a whole life outside of the fortress of Magnus's home.

"Why don't you go upstairs and talk things over?" Magnus asked. "Tessa and I can suitably amuse ourselves down here." Sophie nodded quickly. Will stood up and offered a hand to Sophie, who took it. They left the parlor and started upstairs.

"Henry has found us a crib. Beatrice is sewing us some blankets," Sophie said. "In addition, someone from the Clave sent us several boxes of baby clothes. They're used, but in fairly good condition. Every little bit helps."

"And how are you?" Will asked. Sophie looked breathless as she came to the top of the steps. Will reached over to assist her.

"I'm tired," Sophie said. "I should be spending my days preparing for this baby, not… waiting for you to come home from your prison sentence."

"I'm sorry," Will said. Sophie sighed. "You must understand why I did it."

"I do. Jem would have been angry with you, but he would have been proud, as well," She said. "I know you don't want to be a father, Will. You've made that clear, however…"

"I want to be a father," Will said. "This baby, Sophie… he's the son of a man we both loved. I want to be in his life. I want to be in his life, and yours as well." Sophie smiled at Will, the first smile he had seen from her in some time.

"Thank you, Will," Sophie said. "I want you in our lives as well."

Will returned her smile, and then pushed open the door to the upstairs apartment. He walked in and Sophie followed. She looked around, her eyes taking in the walls and windows. With the sun shining outside, the room felt even more open and welcoming than usual. Sophie went over to a window and looked out of it. Will walked over to the piano and leaned against it.

"Magnus has asked that we move in with him," Will said. "The three of us could live up here. This could be our home." The small smile on Sophie's face melted away. She scowled at Will.

"Our home," Sophie echoed bitterly. "You propose that you and I and Charlie move in with the warlock?" Will was taken aback by her tone.

"He has offered us something wonderful," he said. "It's no different than living at the Institute. I would go off to work every day, and you could stay here and raise our son. It's a home, Sophie. It could be our home."

"Our home," Sophie repeated. "You want us to… live… with the warlock?" Sophie folded her hands. her eyes narrowed and she regarded Will with measured interest. Her mouth pouted like she had tasted something sour.

"His name is Magnus," Will said. His voice shook. He didn't bother saying that he loved Magnus and wanted to be with him. Sophie wouldn't have understood. "And yes. I think this apartment would be a nice place to live and raise Charlie. It's just the right size, and cozy. We could be happy here."

"I don't like it," Sophie said. "These windows… they're too close to the floor. The baby could fall out."

"So Magnus can make them smaller," Will said.

"There isn't a crib-"

"You said that Henry found us one."

"This chair won't be comfortable to nurse in…" Sophie ran her fingers over the back of a chair.

"So we'll get another chair. Any chair you want," Will said.

"This floor is so hard. It's going to hurt the baby's knees when he starts to crawl," Sophie said. She tapped her toe on the floor.

"We'll get wonderful, plush carpets then," Will said. "We can have anything you want, Sophie. Anything. Just say the words and we'll have it."

"Very well then. I would like a husband," Sophie said. "I would like a man who would be with me for my entire pregnancy, not just the last two months of it. Can your warlock provide me with that?"

"I can see what he could-" Will said.

"You must really love him," Sophie said, staring into Will's eyes. "The effort you've put into convincing me to move here, with you… it's admirable. More than that, it's… enviable."

Will braced himself against the piano as Sophie spun on her heels and marched across the room to another window. He wanted to know when Sophie had become so cold and ruthless and realized that heartbreak had made her that way. Jem truly had broken her when he had told her that he loved Will more than her. Sophie believed she could not be loved and therefore, did not want to see anyone happy.

"I wanted to give us a home," Will managed. "I wanted to provide for you, anything you might need. This place can be ours."

"Ours," Sophie said. "You only do things that benefit yourself. You want us to live here, you, and I, and Charlie. But every night you should be climbing into my bed as my husband, you'll be climbing into the warlock's bed, as his lover. I'll have to share you, the same way I shared Jem. I won't, Will. I won't. You could be mine. You should be mine." Her eyes filled with tears. Sophie tried to remain strong but Will could see the cracks forming in the foundations she had built.

"I don't want to be yours!" Will exclaimed. "I can be a father to Charlie. I can be with you as a friend. I'll never marry you. I can't love you."

"That's not good enough!" Sophie cried. "I deserve more! Jem ended things with me because he knew I deserved a man that would marry me, and love me. I deserved a man who would never leave me, who could give me more than a few years of happiness. I deserve more than what you're offering to me. I deserve more."

"I'm offering you a home," Will said. "I'm offering you a life with me." Sophie laughed sarcastically.

"With you," she spit out. "I'm declining the offer. You've been foolish long enough. It's time you became a man. Finish your prison sentence and come home. We have a baby to prepare for."

Will felt his heart start to pound as his neck got warm. Sophie smiled a smug smile and turned towards the door.

"No!" Will snapped. It was the first time he had raised his voice to her in a while. Sophie stopped, her back to Will, as his voice echoed off the walls. "What do I deserve? A life of misery with you?" Will looked Sophie up and down, a disgusted look on his face. "You? A miserable girl who had sex with Jem the minute he gave you the time of day? Am I supposed to sacrifice my happiness for you? Jem told me to love again. He wanted me to be happy. Forgive me for wanting happiness."

"Happiness? Will Herondale wants to be happy? Since when?" Sophie asked with a laugh. Will took a breath that didn't calm his body as Sophie walked back across the room, stopping less than an arm's length away from Will. "You have a decision to make. You can choose to be with me, and to raise Jem's son with me. It wouldn't be a happy life, but… it would be a life of purpose. Or, you can choose to make yourself happy, and be with the warlock. That would be a life of pleasure."

"I believe I can have a life of pleasure and purpose," Will said. His father left the Clave in the name of love and family. This choice was nothing compared to that.

"In a perfect world, you could have both," Sophie said. "This life is far from perfect. Should you choose to be with Magnus, you can forget having anything to do with Jem's son. I can make this easy on us. I can walk away. Can you?"

She had threatened it before, but the threat had never felt real. Sophie was right. She could leave the Institute tomorrow, blend into mundane society, and spread stories that would enable her to have a normal life. If Sophie wanted to leave, Charlie might be lost forever to Will.

The idea of that was awful. Charlie would never be Jem, and would never replace all Will had lost when Jem had died, but Charlie was still Jem's son and deserved to be raised knowing what sort of man his father had been. Before, Charlie had been a baby that would eventually be born, but now, Will could see Charlie turning 17 and going off to the Academy. Charlie would find a parabatai to swear to. Every dream Will had from the time he knew what the Shadowhunters were, Charlie could have as well.

"You can't ask me to choose between Charlie and what I want," Will said.

"I'm the one who's carrying this child. I can do whatever I want with him," Sophie said. "Speaking of which, you should know that I don't want to raise Charlie as a Shadowhunter. We can raise him in the Institute, and you can continue with your work there, but I don't want Charlie training as a Shadowhunter. I don't want him fighting demons."

Will gasped. "What are you talking about? This is Jem's son. Jem fought demons. His father fought demons. His father fought demons-"

"This baby's father died fighting demons. And Jem's father died, tied up and tortured by a demon. Don't romanticize death at the hands of a monster. I won't have Charlie suffering the same fate that Jem did," Sophie said.

Will ran his hands through his hair and tried to take several steady breathes. Jem had known the dangers of fighting demons. They all did. But to not fight, when one had the duty to fight…

"Sophie, this is all I have ever known," Will said.

"No, it's not," Sophie said. "You had a perfectly normal childhood. You had a father who read to you and a mother who must have loved you, and when Charlie is 18, he can decide what he wants to do."

"Eighteen?" Will asked. "He can only swear to a parabatai up until the age of 18. He has to go to the Academy at 17. He has to have his permanent runes applied when he's 14. He has to have protective enchantments placed on him within hours of his birth! You've seen the things we battle, Sophie. He must be protected!"

"I am his mother, and you are his father, and he will be protected. That's our job," Sophie said. "I'm sorry, Will. But I won't lose this child, ever. Not the way I lost his father. Have I made myself clear?"

"You can't do this," Will said.

"Who's going to stop me?" Sophie asked. She smiled and left the room.

* * *

><p>Will didn't bother going back downstairs. He merely undressed, crawled beneath the covers of his bed, and drifted off to sleep. The sun was nearly set when Will woke up to find Magnus sitting on the side of the bed. Magnus's hair was in disarray. He was clearly shaken, so much so that Will sat up and took Magnus's hands in his own.<p>

"You have to get up," Magnus said. "You are to return to the Institute at once. There was a carriage accident. Henry was run off the road by several men on horseback. The carriage went into a ditch, overturned…." Magnus shook his head. "You just have to go, Will."

Will saw Jem in the moments before he died, not when he had been at peace but when he had been in pain and facing death. Jem's face shifted into that of a tiny baby with jet black hair. Charlie. He could be dead for all Will knew. People died in carriage accidents. How might a tiny, defenseless baby fair? Will's chest started to ache and he rested a hand over his heart.

"Draw a Portal. I'll be ready in a minute," Will gasped.

He was still buttoning his shirt as he ran down the steps and into the parlor, where Magnus had a Portal set up. Will grabbed Magnus's hand and jumped through, thinking of the Institute. They landed on the lawn in the middle of a snowstorm, the same way they had before. Will ran up the front steps and paused at the door, Magnus on his heels, unsure of what they might find once inside. Magnus reached for the door.

"No," Will said. He shoved Magnus's hand away and turned to him as the wind screamed around them. "No, Magnus. You were right. I shouldn't have to choose. I should know the right answer." Magnus's mouth fell open. His face took on the wide eyed, shocked expression he had displayed when Will walked into the parlor wearing the ring Magnus had given him. "I can't be with you, Magnus. I'm sorry. I can't." Will pulled the ring off and pressed it into Magnus's hand. Magnus looked down at it.

"Of course," Magnus said. "I understand perfectly." He nodded as if he had expected this to happen all along.

"Good," Will said. "I have something to do now, Magnus."

"I know," Magnus said. He put the ring on his own finger, pulled Will close, and kissed him on the lips. The wind kicked up, blowing more snow at them and freezing tears to Will's face. He hadn't even known he was crying. "I love you, Will."

"I love you to, Magnus," Will said. He forced himself to let Magnus go. This was for the best.

"Anytime, anyhow, anywhere," Magnus said. Will nodded.

Magnus walked down the steps of the Institute and disappeared into the billowing snow.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Please review? Thanks for reading! Are there any thoughts or feeling you wish you mention? I would love to hear them! <strong>


	17. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews. To my anonymous reviewer, I am just happy you come back to read. I hope everyone is enjoying this. As always, thanks for reading. Enjoy this chapter. I thought up a certain scene for it and giggled immaturely the entire day. I hope you enjoy everything. Please review! **

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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

Will walked into the Institute and closed the door against the gale force winds. He took the steps two by two and arrived on the second floor just as Henry walked out of the Infirmary with Consul Wayland. Will opened his mouth to say something but found his words suddenly missing from his mind. Henry hurried down to him.

"Just after we left Magnus's house, three men on horseback galloped up beside the carriage. Our horses got spooked and took off…" Henry began. Will could imagine the scene. It had started snowing not long before Magnus had come upstairs. The temperature had dropped, and everything that had melted would have frozen, making the roads treacherous. "We slid off the road, into a ditch. I broke my arm. Tessa is bruised and shaken-"

"Sophie," Will said.

"She's resting," Henry said. His eyes shifted to the right. He was lying.

"Sophie!" Will exclaimed. "Sophie!" Will's eyes welled up with fresh tears and he looked around. "Sophie. SOPHIE!"

He hadn't had to care about Sophie before now. Sophie had given the impression she could take care of herself. Even when Sophie handed down her ultimatums to Will, he had been frightened of her and all she had the potential to do. Now, she was somewhere in the Institute, no doubt hurt. Jem would have wanted Will to protect Sophie, and he had not. Will was supposed to protect humans like Sophie from the dangers of the Shadow world. He had failed Sophie in the same way he had failed Tessa.

"Sophie," Will said. "I need to see her. Now." Henry took Will by the arm and pulled him upstairs. They went to Sophie's room and pushed open the door.

The room was lit dimly with candlelight. Charlotte was beside the bed, her right hand resting on Sophie's stomach. Tessa stood on the other side of the bed, tending to a cut on Sophie's forehead. Sophie lay in the bed between them, bloody, bruised, and unconscious. Will staggered across the room and fell to his knees beside Charlotte. A strangled cry came from his lips.

"Charlie!" The hysterical tears started then, Will was aware of making a spectacle of himself, but his thoughts were instead on Sophie and the baby in her stomach. "How is she? What happened? Oh, Angel, is he… is the baby dead?"

Tessa walked around the bed and knelt beside Will. She put an arm around him and Will moved close to her, letting her hold him tightly. Tessa took away some of the sorrow Will was feeling, in the way she always did. It felt good to be this close to her in such an awful moment of time. If Will was to be given bad news, he wanted to hear it in Tessa's arms.

Tessa moved her head close to Will's and whispered in his ear, "Sophie took a bad bump to the head. She's unconscious. The Silent Brothers are on their way to see if they can do anything for her." Will nodded and dug his fingers into Tessa's back. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing. "Charlie was moving around before the accident. It's been about two hours since he last moved." Will moaned.

"He's gone. He has to be. Just tell me he is," Will whispered.

"His mother was in a carriage accident. She's unconscious. He might just be in shock," Charlotte said. "Her body was made to protect him, Will." Will envisioned the blankets he had burrowed in this morning and thought about how little protection muscle and skin could provide to a tiny baby. He thought about Tessa's arms around his body. Even she couldn't protect him from the worst hells this life had to offer.

"Charlotte, please leave," Will said. "Tessa, I need you to stay." Charlotte stood up and left the room silently. Will kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed beside Sophie. Tessa nodded and climbed in as well, lying on the side opposite Will. They moved their hands beneath the blankets and rested them on Sophie's stomach, so that if Charlie moved, one of them would be the first to feel it. Will rested his head on the pillow, and drifted to sleep.

* * *

><p>Hours later, Will awoke when Tessa sat up in bed. There was a candle nearly extinguished on the table. Tessa's mouth fell open. She didn't say a word; she just grabbed Will's hand and moved it over to a place on Sophie's stomach where a tiny foot insistently tapped from the inside. Will let out a breath and lay back down. He laced his fingers with Tessa's and cried himself to sleep with measured relief.<p>

* * *

><p>Early the next morning Will woke up to find Tessa already tending to Sophie. The cut on her head had reopened during the night, so Tessa had cleaned the blood out of it and was now wrapping Sophie's head in gauze.<p>

"Breakfast was hours ago but I thought you might need your sleep," Tessa said. Will moved his hand beneath the covers and felt Charlie kicking. Sophie once reported that he was most active when she was trying to sleep.

"You need your rest as well," Will said.

"Who do you think is going to sit at her bedside?" Tessa asked.

Will looked down at Sophie. Twelve hours before this moment, she was standing less than a foot from him, making demands. Now, she was unconscious in bed. If she had been a Shadowhunter, she could have had runes applied to help her heal. There were other runes that would have helped to protect the baby, but Sophie was only a mundane. She hadn't been made for the world Will lived in. She was just lucky, or unlucky enough to see it.

"Tessa," Will whispered, his voice cracking, "Tess, what if she dies?"

"She just hit her head," Tessa said. Will took Sophie's hand and held it to his cheek. He couldn't define what he was feeling but knew that if Sophie died, and if Charlie went with her, life wouldn't be worth living. He hated pinning his hopes and dreams onto the life of an unborn child. At the same time, he knew that this child would remind him of fond memories shared with Jem, and one day, Will could tell Charlie those memories. If Charlie died, everything good in the world in both the past and present would disappear forever. "She's going to be fine, Will, and so will Charlie. She just needs her rest. I'll be here for her. So will you. Everything is going to be alright." Will shook his head. Nothing would be right again.

Tessa finished wrapping Sophie's head and moved on to propping her up on some pillows. She tried forcing Will from the room to get some breakfast but Will wasn't ready to go, just yet.

"You're such a good nurse," Will said. Tessa was moistening Sophie's lips with a damp cloth.

"I'm just good at putting people back together," Tessa replied. "Nate always used to go out and get in fights. My aunt and I always had to patch him up. Come hell or high water, he would be back out the next night, looking for more trouble. We would patch him up again. At least this will only happen once to Sophie."

"Angel willing," Will murmured. He looked down at the tiny hand in his, then back up at Tessa.

Tessa would make a good mother, Will thought. She cared about people who did nothing to deserve her care. She would love anyone until they gave her a reason to feel otherwise. Will had seen something romantic develop between Jem and Tessa. When Jem chose Sophie instead, Tessa hadn't walked away from him. She had encouraged he and Sophie's relationship, no matter how small or short lived it was. Now, Sophie was pregnant with Jem's child, and Tessa was at her side. Even Will had hurt Tessa time and time again, yet she was there for him whenever he needed her. Tessa loved unconditionally, the way a mother should.

"Your stomach is grumbling," Tessa said. She even cared that Will was properly fed. "Go get some breakfast. Take a hot bath. Shave. I'll let you sit in here all day if you want, but I won't let you starve while doing so. Go, now. I'll be here when you get back."

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><p>Will did go downstairs, where he pilfered the ice box and came up with leftovers from dinner the night before. He fed himself to full on chicken and peas then went back upstairs, where he poured a glass of brandy from a dwindling bottle which had belonged to Jem. Will ran a hot bath and slipped beneath the water.<p>

When he felt warm inside and out, Will climbed from the bathtub, dried off, and set to work shaving the two day old beard which had appeared on his jaw line. The night before, Will noticed Magnus looking unshaven. They were lazy together as lovers. Magnus took care with his appearance. It had been nice to see him more relaxed than usual. They were comfortable together, after months of discomfort. Now, Magnus was gone. Will was alone.

"Do you ever cut yourself?" Tessa asked. Will gasped and staggered two feet to the left, slicing his neck in the process. Will dropped the razor and pressed his hand to the side of his neck, where blood gushed freely. Tessa was standing beside the bathroom sink, having appeared out of nowhere. She looked down the height of Will's lean body and turned her head. "Does it get any bigger?"

Will shrieked and grabbed a washcloth to cover himself. The wash cloth covered him, just barely. He could have been wearing a three piece suit under a wool coat and still felt exposed.

"It gets much bigger!" Will snapped.

Tessa giggled. "But it's so tiny," she said.

Will's face burned. Tessa was completely dressed in a dress with pants underneath for added warmth. Will had only the wash cloth, nothing more. His towel was across the room on the side of the bathtub. He didn't want to ask why Tessa was in his bathroom, or why she found it acceptable to look at his naked body. She was still looking. She didn't dare bother to care about his modesty. Now, she was asking about...

"It's cold!" Will cried. He adjusted the washcloth, bent over, crossing his legs, and kept pressure on his bleeding neck.

"I bet that's what you tell all the girls," Tessa said, rolling her eyes. "It's perfectly fine, Will. You always strut around like your cock is leading the way. Nice to see… that's… just not possible!" Tessa covered her mouth as she giggled shamelessly. Will moved the washcloth and saw blood drip onto the floor. "You do have the birthmark Magnus told me about!" Tessa poked Will on his lower back, just over the star shaped scar. Will screeched and stepped away from her, dangerously close to exposing himself again.

"How can you be here!" Will cried. "Tess!"

"Everyone else has seen your naked body, why can't I?" Tessa asked. "Forgive me for wanting to see what the great Will Herondale has to offer!" Will considered crying from embarrassment.

"Get me my stele and my dressing gown," Will said. "They're in the bedroom. Now, please, Tessa?"

"As you wish, Master Herondale," Tessa said. She skipped into the room and returned a moment later with his dressing gown and stele. Will drew a haphazard healing rune on his neck, and then reached for the dressing gown. Tessa stood close by, her eyes looking over his body. What she was doing was horribly embarrassing. She certainly wasn't turning away. They would never have sex together, Will knew this. Tessa wouldn't tell anyone about this encounter either. It was like the conversation they had shared in the drawing room. Their secret to keep.

Tessa turned her head. Will summoned the nerve to drop the washcloth.

"What's this rune for?" Tessa demanded. She stabbed Will in the hip with a finger and made no secret about ogling his body.

"Stamina!" Will exclaimed. His voice cracked, which humiliated him further. "Tessa-fucking-Gray stop touching me!" Tessa cackled and wiggled her fingers close to Will's waist.

"Strategically placed," Tessa said. She gave Will's body another leering once over as he hastily covered himself in the dressing gown.

"Why are you here?" Will asked quietly. "You shouldn't be here, in my quarters… I'm nude, Tessa."

"And tiny."

"Average." Tessa snorted. "Why are you here, Tessa? I thought you were staying with Sophie until I returned." Will said.

"Charlotte is in with her now," Tessa said. She hopped up onto the sink and watched as Will resumed shaving. His heart was pounding. He tried to forget the humiliation but wouldn't for some time. "I wanted to know where Magnus is. He's your lover. He should be here in your difficult time. You need someone for you."

Will stopped shaving and looked at Tessa. She wasn't accusing him of anything, the way Sophie had with Jem and Magnus. She wasn't attacking him or demanding reasons why. She was merely stating fact.

"How do you know he's my lover?" Will asked.

"Earlier, yesterday. When you walked into the room, he looked at you, and I looked at him," Tessa said. "He stops breathing when you walk into the room, you should know. He starts breathing, of course. But he stops. Like you're more important to him than breathing. He's obviously in love with you, so I have to think, the feeling is either mutual, making you lovers, or you have a warlock who would give the moon and stars to be with you." Will thought of the ring Magnus had given him that was covered with tiny ruby stars.

"We've parted company," Will said.

"Do you love him?" Tessa asked.

"I never stopped," Will said. "It's just better that I be with Sophie. She's having a baby, she needs a husband…"

"Better for who? Sophie? She wants a husband, Will. She doesn't want you to be her husband," Tessa said. "If she wants a father for her child, you will be a father to Charlie. She doesn't need a husband. There are enough of us here at the Institute, Will. Charlie isn't going to go without anything. He'll have more than enough love and attention."

"That's at the Institute," Will mumbled. "I didn't want to live at the Institute." Tessa folded her arms. Will looked in the mirror and continued to shave. "Magnus asked me to move in with him. I can bring Charlie and Sophie. Sophie doesn't want to go. My place is here at the Institute."

"Your place is where you're happiest!" Tessa exclaimed. "You need to be with Magnus, Will. You love each other. It doesn't matter why or how, you just do. We'll figure things out. Magnus can give you a lifetime of love. Never mind he'll always be there for Charlie."

"I can't be with him," Will said. "To much has happened between us. He's taken me back countless times. It's never going to work."

"You won't know that until you try again, and again," Tessa said. "You need to take a chance on love and happiness, Will. Do you love him?"

Will felt his eyes get hot with tears as he looked down at his bloody hands.

"I never stopped," Will said. "Anyway. Anyhow. Anywhere. I'll love him, until death."

"That's what I thought," Tessa said, and left the room.

* * *

><p>Will spent the afternoon in Sophie's room before he grew tired of watching her sleep. He left her under Tessa's watchful eye. Will considered going to his room to nap, but something pulled him to Jem's room. He went in to find the bed made. Sophie would sleep in the room after Charlie arrived, or, perhaps, Will would. He couldn't imagine sharing a bed with her.<p>

In the corner, a crib was already set up. A mobile dangled over it, decorated with metal cut outs of protective runes. Since babies couldn't have runes placed on their bodies, every precaution was taken to protect them.

Next to the crib, several boxes were partially opened. Will walked over and opened one to find it full of clothing. There were tiny blue pajama sets, plenty of little white undershirts, and an abundance of hats and socks. Everything was small. Charlie couldn't possibly fit into everything. There was no note, meaning that someone had left this gift anonymously, though Will had an idea who had passed on their newborn sized baby clothes.

Will heard the sound of something rattling. he thought it might be the box and moved it to find the source of the noise. A moment later, Will heard it again. He turned his head and saw Magnus standing at the doorway, holding something silver in his hand. As Will watched, Magnus lifted his hand and shook it to create the noise.

"It's called a rattle," Magnus said. "I guess mundane babies love them. I thought Charlie might as well."

"Cecily had one," Will said. He climbed slowly to his feet and walked over. "Are you really here?"

"Where else would I be?" Magnus asked. Will looked up into Magnus's green eyes and pondered the thought. Magnus could have gone anywhere, and yet he was standing in the London Institute holding a mundane baby rattle.

"How did you know I wanted you come back? How did you know that…? I would accept you back?" Will whispered.

"Tessa summoned me and told me to come back," Magnus said. "She said you never stopped loving me." Will nodded, slightly dumbfounded. He stepped forward and seized Magnus by the arms, feeling warm skin and bones under his hands. Will pressed his body close to Magnus's chest. Magnus put his arms around Will and held him close, resting his hands on Will's waist. "As for you wanting me to come back, I told you I would be here for you. Even when you begged me to leave. Even when you made it clear that you wanted me to be gone. I would always be here for you. Anyhow. Anyway. Anywhere."

"I didn't think you would take it seriously," Will said. He looked down to see Magnus still wearing the ring he had given to Will.

"I do," Magnus said. "I take everything about us seriously. Just do me one favor." Will looked up. "The next time you try to break up with me, be a bit less dramatic. I almost believed you this time." Magnus lifted Will's hand and slid the ring back onto his finger.

"I'll do my best," Will said. He closed his eyes, kissed Magnus, and let himself take a chance.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this! Please let me know what you think. I couldn't really do a teaser because the next chapter isn't written, but here is a tiny summary: <strong>

Chapter 17: In which Will acquires something we never thought he would, and a baby shows up.


	18. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: So I've decided that I have the best readers ever. I feel so fortunate to have so many people reading this story and enjoying it. I didn't mean to toss out this chapter so soon after the other one but as certain... inspirations... have come to light, I want to get this story finished soon so I can work more... on the next one. ****Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews. I own one character in this story, the rest belong to the Cassandra Clare. Please enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

Sophie woke up later in the day but went back to sleep right after. Charlie remained active for the most part and seemed to have escaped the accident unscathed. Magnus spent the rest of the day with Will and left in the evening despite Will begging him to stay. Early the next morning, Will woke up to Tessa whispering in his ear that the Enclave was meeting downstairs.

It didn't matter to Will that he had mortally wounded two members of the Enclave just five days before. He still got dressed and walked into the Library just as the meeting was being called to order.

"Will…" Henry began, "We thought you were still-"

"I hardly think he's welcome here," Benedict said. He was sitting at the table with Gideon beside him, mindlessly stirring a cup of tea. Gabriel was still serving his punishment for stabbing Will the summer before.

Gideon and Gabriel were considered twins by most everyone, considering there was a little less than a year between them. Gideon arrived in July of one year and Gabriel showed up in June of the next year. They had been raised together and trained together as unofficial parabatai. They were close, to say the least.

Wherever Gideon went, Gabriel followed, and when Gabriel was in solitary confinement in the Silent City, Gideon looked lost in the world, as if he was missing the parts necessary to function as a normal human being. Will rarely pitied anyone but knew that if anything happened to Gideon, he would feel sorry for Gabriel, and vice versa. He understood how much it hurt to lose a brother and would never wish that on Gabriel despite their differences.

"He's a member of this Enclave," Consul Wayland said. "He just as welcome-"

"I object," Benedict said. "He should technically still be in prison. Gabriel harmed William and is being punished. William did the same to Gabriel. He shouldn't even be in this meeting. William is only here to cause problems."

"William?" Will asked. "You're going to call me by my father's name?" Benedict turned to Will with fear in his eyes. "I'm here because a carriage carrying three, no, four people I love was attacked two nights ago. None of you may want me here, but I have a right to be here. As for you, Benedict, I'm not my father. I never will be. I don't care what he did to you or your family. I'm not him!"

The room went silent, save for one person snorting into their tea cup. Consul Wayland glared at his son, Augustine, who sat beside him. Augustine covered his mouth and looked away. Will looked at him questioningly. Augustine, who Will could hardly consider more than an acquaintance, who had unofficially pledged his loyalty to the Lightwood family, was… laughing?

"That's enough," Consul Wayland said. Augustine composed himself. "Let us call this meeting to order."

Will sat between Charlotte and Henry and listened in the meeting. He refrained from giving his opinion, as everyone had come to a consensus that Mortmain was to blame for the carriage attack. He was still threatening Tessa. She would be safest at the Institute. Now that it was clear Mortmain was back and still threatening Tessa, a plan needed to be formed for the hunting down and killing of him. As for the time being, Tessa would remain at the Institute and security measures would be increased.

The Enclave meeting ended and Will went back upstairs to check on Sophie. She remained asleep and reminded Will of the fairy tale of Snow White. Will tried kissing her cheek, foolishly hoping perhaps he was her prince, but she never awoke. Jem would have said that Sophie was just a girl of good sense for not waking to Will's kiss. Will knew he wasn't her prince.

Tessa remained at Sophie's bedside and read to her as Will went back downstairs. He unlocked the door to the weapons room and went in to find it a mess. He spent the rest of the morning cleaning and putting the room to rights.

Magnus arrived in the early afternoon and brought with him a picnic lunch. Some of the Enclave remained at the Institute so they ate in the kitchen, then returned to the weapons room and spent several long minutes kissing behind a closed door. They could have done more. There were an infinite number of places they could have gone to secretly make love the same way Will and Jem had, but something stopped them. It didn't feel right to fool around while Sophie was unconscious upstairs.

"I'll be back later," Magnus said as he held Will in his arms. "Charlotte says I'm welcome to come and go as I please. We'll do something tonight. Anything you want." Will nodded and pulled Magnus closer to himself. They kissed again, lightly.

"I want you to never leave," Will said.

"But you have work to do," Magnus said. "I love you, and I'll see you later." He kissed Will once more and left the room.

After the cleaning was finished, Will moved on to a box of knives beside the door that all needed sharpened. He settled into the easy routine of grinding the blades to sharpened edges, then polishing them to a high shine. Will was so entranced with his work, he almost didn't hear the knock on the door frame. He looked up to see Augustine Wayland standing at the door.

Augustine had gone to Shadowhunter Academy with Will and Jem. He might have attended Jem's funeral; Will wasn't sure. Augustine had gotten married in July just a few days before Jem died. There had been rumors that Augustine's young bride was pregnant at the wedding, which proved to be true. She had given birth to a baby boy in December.

"May I come in?" Augustine asked. Will nodded. "I didn't want to just walk in. I wasn't sure how you feel about your weapons room."

"I just work here," Will said. Augustine nodded and smiled sheepishly.

For as long as Will could remember, the Lightwoods and Waylands had been close knit. Augustine was almost always with Gabriel and Gideon, and had no doubt heard all of the awful things the Lightwoods had to say about the Herondale family. He had been at the meeting when Will assaulted Gabriel and Benedict. Will doubted Augustine afraid of him, but wary? There was no doubt.

Augustine walked into the room pushing a baby stroller. He had a bag over one shoulder that he set on the table. Will looked down into the stroller to see a baby sound asleep, wrapped in blue blankets. He quickly looked away.

"This is Ben," Augustine said. "My wife is training, so I've taken the baby for a little while. I need some knives sharpened. Can you sharpen knives?" Will looked to the sharpening block sitting on the table, surrounded by sharp knives, and nodded. "Good."

"Just leave them and stop back," Will instructed. "It won't take me long."

"I can stay," Augustine said. He sat down on a stool and opened up the bag he was carrying. He brought out a bottle and pacifier and set them on the table. "You didn't see that, by the way. Connie would kill me if she knew I was carrying Ben's things with my knives." Will shrugged. He looked down at the baby who remained fast sleep, then picked up a knife and continued to sharpen it. "I'm on your side, you know."

"My side?" Will asked. He stopped sharpening the knife.

"I know you think that since Gabriel was my best man that we are best friends but we aren't- best friends, I mean. We were just one another's only friend," Augustine said. "He was my roommate at the Academy. When everything happened with Constance and I got her pregnant, I had to marry her and I needed a best man. So he was my best man." Will nodded.

"My only friend died in July," Will remarked.

"I know," Augustine said. "I'm sorry about that." Following the funeral, a lot of people said they were sorry about Jem's death. Most hadn't meant it. Most, like the Lightwoods, believed it had been a good thing Jem died. "Jem was a good person. He didn't get the credit he deserved. I can't begin to understand what losing a parabatai is like. Just know that I'm sorry about it."

"Thank you," Will said. "Your kind words are comforting." Will nodded and looked back to the knives. Augustine was silent for a few long moments as Will held up a knife and admired it's edge. He preferred to have the knives he worked on to have a thin, razor sharp edge.

"There comes a moment in life when something awful happens and you have to become an adult in an instant, because you can't face whatever it is as a child," Augustine said. "Gabriel hasn't had his moment yet."

"Neither have I," Will said. Jem's death had been horrible but it hadn't changed Will. He had always expected Jem to die and for him to be left alone. He hadn't woken up the morning after the funeral and looked at the world any differently. The only thing that had changed was that Jem was no longer with him. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I just want you to know I'm on your side if you want me to be," Augustine said. "Gabriel's family is awful to you but I don't see the reason for it. So your father fell in love with the wrong person. Okay. It's not like Shakespeare didn't write plays based on people falling in love with the wrong person."

"You can't be in love with the wrong person. You can be in love with the right person at the wrong time," Will said.

"Right, exactly," Augustine said. "So I'm on your side. I don't care about what your father did to his father. I don't care about what any of our fathers did to one another. You had it right before, in the meeting. We aren't our fathers. We can talk and be civil to one another. I'm not here to fight you."

"Oh thank the Angel!" Will exclaimed. "There's no telling what I'm capable of. I would hate to humiliate you in front of your infant son." Augustine smiled.

Will finished sharpening the knife he had been working on and moved on to one of Augustine's knives. The baby stirred and woke up with a small cry, so Augustine leaned over and picked him up, cradling him in his arms. Ben had light blond hair, Will noted, and clear blue eyes. He took after Augustine. The baby was smaller than Will expected him to be.

"How old is he?" Will asked.

"He'll be three months old at the beginning of March," Augustine replied. Will looked back over at Ben, who had stopped whimpering and was instead sucking on his fist. "Do you want to hold him?"

"I'm working," Will said.

"You're curious. You've never held a baby before, I can tell. Would you like to try?" Augustine asked. Will looked at the baby, then at the knives. He went to wash his hands and came back. Augustine had him sit down before carefully placing the baby in his arms.

Will looked down to see the baby staring up at him. The baby was warm and smelled like fresh soap. His eyes were bright and attentive and his lips were pouted not into a frown, but a thoughtful expression. He had all the important components of being a human- soft skin, bones, even the appearance of a tiny human, but seemed foreign.

"How do I do this?" Will asked.

"Just support his head," Augustine said. He sat down on another stool and carefully adjusted the baby so that Will was holding him better. "You're doing just fine."

"No. How do I do this?" Will asked, nodding to Ben. "I don't know how to be a father. I've never done this before. I don't know how." Will felt his heart start to pound and he swallowed nervously. Surely, at any second, he would move and drop the baby and Augustine would blame him and….

"Relax," Augustine said. He rested a hand on Will's bicep, giving him a bit more support. "Babies are like little demons. They can smell fear." Will didn't believe him. He clenched his teeth tightly and forced himself to take several breathes through his nose. Ben took a few shuddering breathes and began to look close to tears. Will was certain he must have frightened the baby. "You aren't messing around. You're scared to death, aren't you?"

"Take him please," Will said. Augustine lifted the baby from Will's arms. Will stood up, grabbed a knife, and continued to sharpen it.

"So you're never going to hold your son, because you're afraid of him?" Augustine asked. He held Ben closer to his chest and the baby became calm once again.

"He's not my son. He belongs to Jem. I'm just the man who once was his father's parabatai," Will said.

"So you aren't going to give Jem's son his first Marks? You aren't going to tirelessly tutor him in his lessons and teach him his first battle moves?" Augustine asked. "When he comes to you asking about girls, you aren't going to give him advice?"

"My father never did any of that," Will said. "I don't know how. Henry drew my first marks. Henry taught me how to fight. Henry…." Henry hadn't advised Will about girls or even explained how anything worked. Will had fumbled his way through that on his own.

"It's all instinct, and what's not instinct, you figure out," Augustine said. Will shook his head, and stared down at the knife in his hand. "Look. I'd love to keep talking about how your father was less than perfect, Henry was never the father you needed him to be, and you're certain to be an inadequate father as a result, but I need to use the bathroom and I need to warm up a bottle for Ben, or he's going to scream and cry. Can you watch him for five minutes? I promise he won't do anything but lie in his stroller and suck on his fingers. I promise."

"You can't leave him with me!" Will exclaimed. "I could…"

"What?" Augustine asked. "I'm going to leave now. What are you going to do about it?" Will imagined he would push the stroller down to the kitchen, where there were surely women there who would be far more capable of taking care of an infant. Then everyone would see that Will Herondale was afraid of a baby. He couldn't allow that.

"What if he starts to cry?" Will asked.

"You'll figure it out. It's all instinct," Augustine said. He grabbed the bottle from the table and walked out of the room.

Will cast a nervous look at the baby and continued to sharpen the knives. Six minutes after Augustine left, Ben began to whimper, and after another minute, he dissolved into a screaming fit. Will finally set the knife down and looked at the baby, whose face was turning red as he clenched his fingers into fists.

"I can't help you, I'm sorry," Will said. "I have nothing to offer you. I can't… I don't have milk." Ben screamed louder. He got his whole body involved, pulling his knees to his chest and kicking in a tantrum. Will knew what it was like to cry inconsolably. The few times he had cried that way, there had always been someone there to hold him and rub his back, and… "Fine!" Will picked up Ben, held him against his chest, and rubbed his back. "It's going to be okay. I promise, this awful time won't last forever."

The baby lay his head down on Will's shoulder, let out a few hiccupping sobs, and stopped crying just as Augustine walked in holding a bottle.

"You said five minutes," Will snapped. "There's something wrong with him. I think he's hungry. I don't know. He just started screaming."

"Do you want to feed him?" Augustine asked.

"I might as well," Will said. He sat down and accepted the bottle from Augustine. Ben began to suck on the bottle the second it was in his mouth. "Not too fast, you're going to get sick!" Will moved the bottle so that they baby couldn't drink it as quickly. Augustine sat beside him.

"You're a natural," he remarked. "So you have no experience with children?"

"I was nine when my sister was born, but… I don't remember taking care of her," Will said. "Sophie doesn't want to raise Charlie as a Shadowhunter. I don't know how to deal with that. You can't tell anyone. The Enclave…" The Enclave already hated Sophie.

"I won't tell," Augustine said. "You don't have to worry about training until he's closer to twelve. My advice is to have the Brothers put the enchantments on him and go from there. Maybe when he's older, Sophie will feel differently. It's not worth fighting over now."

"You're right," Will said.

"I'll make a deal with you," Augustine said. "I know when Jem died, you lost your training partner. And it can be stated that I never really had one. So why don't you and I start training together? It will be good for us both. We can be friends."

"Friends?" Will asked. He tried to think of someone he considered and friend and found no one. They were either lovers or like family, never friends.

"Friends," Augustine said. "In exchange for you training with me, I'll tell you everything I know about how to raise a baby. Anything you want to know, from how to change diapers to how to get rid of colic… anything. I know what it's like to feel clueless about being a father. I can help you. You can help me."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Will asked.

"I don't see a reason to be any other way," Augustine replied. "We can be friends, Will. Just say the word."

"Okay," Will said, and he even smiled a little.

There was another knock on the door and Will looked up to see Tessa standing there, a surprised smile on her face as she took in the scene.

"Sophie is awake and asking for you," Tessa said. "Who's this?"

"This is Ben, and his father Augustine," Will said. "Please tell Sophie I'll be up in a few minutes. I want Ben to finish this bottle first. I have... questions about feeding a baby." He blushed and looked down at the floor.

"Of course," Tessa said. She looked at Will from the baby, and back again. "Take all the time you need."

After Ben finished the bottle, burped loudly, and fell asleep on Will's shoulder, he gave him back to Augustine and left the weapons room. Augustine had offered to sharpen his own knives and Will promised he would be back shortly to help. He went upstairs and got to Sophie's door just as Tessa walked out.

"Charlotte was concerned with memory loss but she's fine," Tessa said. "Listen to Sophie. Let her talk. Be gentle. She's been through a lot."

"We all have," Will said. He reached for the doorknob but Tessa put a hand on his.

"You should know… you're going to be an excellent father," Tessa said. "You get to have a family, Will. Remember what I said before. There's more than enough love for Charlie. Magnus isn't the only one who can pledge forever for you." Will smiled. He knew Tessa once had feelings for him. Even now, he could admit that Magnus was someone he loved and Tessa was a girl he could love. He could have closed his eyes, kissed her, and made himself all sorts of complications, but he didn't.

"Tessa," Will whispered. "You know there can be nothing between us. I don't feel that way for you. You're like my sister."

"There doesn't have to be anything between us," Tessa said. "I want you to be happy, and I want to be in your life. Surely, we can figure something out."

"I want to," Will said. "I want to, Tessa." Without another word, Will turned the doorknob and walked into Sophie's room.

Sophie looked as though she had fought a war. Her head was still wrapped in gauze and her face had become bruised over night. She was sitting up in bed, hands folded onto her stomach. Will closed the bedroom door, walked over, and sat down on the side of the bed. Sophie stared at her hands and didn't speak.

"I'm sorry about before. I just want you to be happy, and I thought I could make you happy if I was happy. I thought we could have everything we ever wanted. You could have someone like a husband. I would be a father to Charlie. We could have a place to live together. I wasn't thinking only of myself. I was thinking about the three of us," Will said. Sophie's eyes filled with tears. "This baby means everything to me, Sophie. I can't lose him. If I had to pick between Charlie and Magnus, I would never think of Magnus ever again, but I can't pick between them. If you loved me the way Jem would have wanted you to, you wouldn't make me pick between them."

"You shouldn't have to," Sophie whispered. "I can't make you."

"So we'll work things out," Will said. "I'll be who you need." He touched her arm, willing himself to feel something for her. Still, there was nothing.

"I can't live in this world," Sophie said. "I can't protect Charlie, not the way you can. I can't live in a world where death is right around the corner. I got into a carriage and I nearly died and so did my baby. I can't go through that again."

"I can protect you both," Will said. "I'm not going anywhere, Sophie." Will rested his hand on top of Sophie's hands.

"I can't do this, Will," Sophie said. "I can't live in this Institute. I can't be around people who accept death as a part of life. Everyone I have ever loved, I have lost." She wasn't just talking about Jem. She had loved Thomas as well and had considered Agatha a second mother. "I want to live, and not be afraid of dying."

"I swear, I'll protect you," Will said. He climbed into bed beside Sophie and took her in his arms. "You and Charlie, you're my family, Sophie." Sophie shook her head.

"I need to leave here, Will. I need you to stay. This is your life," Sophie said. "This was never supposed to be my life."

"You want to… take Charlie from me?" Will asked.

"I don't know what I want," Sophie said. "I can't live this way anymore. I just can't."

* * *

><p>Sophie cried herself to sleep with Will at her side. When she had finally closed her eyes for good, he left the room and went to the alcove where he had spent many days with Jem. He was there when Magnus walked in. Magnus sat beside him on a bench and Will let words spill from his mouth. Magnus listened to everything, then took Will's face in his hands and kissed him once on the lips. He told Will what to do, and Will left the alcove.<p>

Will returned to Sophie's bedroom to find her still curled into bed. He kicked off his shoes and crawled beneath the covers, taking her in his arms as if she was his wife, and the child she carried was his by blood.

"I'll be your husband for the next two months," Will whispered. "I'll be everything you need me to be. I'll get you through this pregnancy, and Tessa will help us."

"And when I have Charlie? What happens then?" Sophie asked.

"You have a choice to make," Will said.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please Review! Please? There is no teaser because pretty much any sentence I put up would be a spoiler. Someone dies.<p> 


	19. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: I'm sorry to have put this chapter up so soon, but, I promise, there won't be another chapter for at least a few days. Thanks for reading! Please review (and many, many thanks to everyone who already does review.) Enjoy!**

**Major Note: Someone dies in this chapter. For those sensitive to blood, skip this chapter. **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

Will kept his promise to Sophie. For the next two months, he spent his days either in the weapons room, or up in Charlie's room, folding baby clothes preparing for Charlie's arrival. He spent every night with Sophie, holding her closely, the way her husband would have. Sophie was advised to stay in bed for the duration of the pregnancy, so Will gave her whatever she wanted. He doted on her as if she was his wife.

During the day, Tessa and Jessamine sat with Sophie, playing board games, reading, or just plain gossiping. If Tessa and Jessamine weren't available, Sophie studied books and learned all she could about the mundane world. When Will drug his weary body to bed every night, Sophie was always prepared to tell him an odd fact about some far reaching part of the world. He found himself looking forward to their evening ritual spent talking about the world.

Magnus came to the Institute often. Something had changed between them, not for good or bad, but for the sake of change. They still touched each other and desired one another's bodies; however, Will was too tired to want to be with Magnus in an intimate manner. Magnus stopped expecting or even attempting anything. Instead, they would find lonely, dark corners of the Institute, passionately kiss, and end up with their bodies curled together as they occasionally kissed and didn't say a word. Magnus was just there, at Will's side, as he promised to be.

Augustine became a constant at the Institute as well. He often helped Will in the weapons room, where they talked for hours. Augustine answered every question Will had about children, or found someone that might know the answer. They began training together and found one another to be a formidable opponent. Will's body felt alive and in fighting trim for the first time in nearly 8 months.

In Sophie's ninth month, Will was sitting in the weapons room polishing his father's dagger when Tessa came in.

"Sophie was wondering if you could have lunch with her," Tessa said. "She wants to talk to you." Will nodded and swiped a cloth down the blade of the dagger. Finally pleased with the perfect shine to the blade, he lay the dagger down. Tessa walked over and put her arm around Will's shoulder as she looked down at it. She recognized the dagger as the one Will had held to his chest on the awful night he and Tessa had found common ground.

"It belonged to my father," Will said. "Charlie should learn to fight with it, but it seems wrong to have him fight with a Herondale dagger. Jem was buried with a Carstairs dagger… I don't know how to raise him. When should I tell him about his father?"

"You'll know when he's ready," Tessa said. Will couldn't imagine telling Charlie everything about his father. It would be hard to explain how their souls felt twined together, and even harder to explain how losing Jem made Will feel like his soul was ripped in half. That was all beyond a child's understanding.

Tessa kneaded her fingers into the back of Will's neck, over the muscles that grew tense with every worrisome thought. Will closed his eyes and moaned, leaning back against Tessa's hand.

"Magnus sent word. He's coming over tonight. Charlotte's beside herself because he's bringing French chocolates," Tessa said. Magnus had left the day before on a business trip. Will became used to this, as Magnus found a reason to leave nearly every week.

"Right. He went to Paris," Will said. Magnus's former lover lived in Paris. It was no wonder why Magnus would have gone there. Will hadn't truly been with Magnus in nearly six weeks. Sooner or later, Magnus would go looking for what Will wouldn't give him.

"He loves you, Will. He made a vow to you," Tessa said. She took Will's hand and lifted it to show him the filthy gold ring he never took off. "Whatever awful thoughts you have in your mind, get rid of them. He loves you."

"I wouldn't blame him for cheating," Will said. "I would he glad he did."

"He loves you. He would never cheat on you," Tessa said. "You're just tired and hungry. Go on upstairs. I'll bring up a tray of sandwiches." Will looked back down at the dagger. "Go on, now!"

* * *

><p>Will climbed the steps slowly. Winter still kept its icy grip on London despite it being a week into April. 1879 would go down in history as the most brutally cold winter London had since 1740.*<p>

The Silent Brothers estimated that Sophie was close to her due date, which meant she could have Charlie any day, however, she hadn't yet felt any pains or contractions to indicate she was about to give birth. Charlie had spent the last two months doubling his weight and taking cheap shots at Sophie's bladder and spine every chance he got. Sophie swore she was pregnant with a Herondale and not a Carstairs for how much inner turmoil Charlie caused her on a daily basis.

Sophie was reading when Will opened the door and walked inside. He helped arrange a tray on Sophie's lap, and then sat beside her. There was little to talk about. They had spent the last two months talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Tessa brought their food and left the room without saying a word.

"I bet you want to know how I got pregnant," Sophie said. Will looked up from the watercress sandwich he was prepared to take a bite of and closed his mouth.

"You were both virgins," Will said. "I thought he would have been with a girl who wasn't a virgin, who was just with him for sex. I didn't think he would ever be with someone he loved."

"Jem and I loved each other at different times. When he loved me, I had eyes for Thomas. When I loved Jem, he had eyes for you and Tessa," Sophie said. "We were together by chance. The night you went to see the play with Magnus, Jem came to my room. He told me…he would love me forever, even if he died. Do you know what it's like to hear that from someone?" Will nodded. Jem had told him the same thing in so many different ways. "I've waited years to hear that. Forever… that's such a long time, Will!" Will nodded quickly as tears filled his eyes. "We were together that night. It just felt like the right thing to do. So if Charlie ever asks, you tell him his parents loved each other very much. He was conceived with love."

"I promise, I'll let him know," Will said.

* * *

><p>That evening, Magnus came over and had dinner with Will. After the meal, before bed, they walked around the Institute. Will was on call that night, with Augustine. They were available to be summoned to help other Shadowhunters who went out demon hunting every night. Should they be called out, Will and Augustine were to meet the Shadowhunters out in London and help them with anything from fighting demons to cleaning up after a messy battle.<p>

Gabriel finished his five day sentence not long after the carriage accident. He and Gideon took over Will and Jem's former demon hunting routine. Five days of solitary confinement had done nothing to improve Gabriel's demeanor. he still treated Will as disrespectfully as before, only now, Will preferred to ignore Gabriel's tantrums. The night before, Gabriel had called Will out of the Institute to show him that another mundane had been murdered. Will then had to report the murder to the Consul, (despite Gabriel being capable of doing just that) who showed up and reopened the Emma Bayliss investigation. Will and Augustine made it back to the Institute by dawn, and Will, unable to sleep for very long, spent the day in the weapons room.

Now, Will yawned, nodded, and tried to pay attention to Magnus's recap of his trip to Paris.

"And how is Sophie?" Magnus finally asked.

"She's having trouble sleeping," Will replied. "There has to be some way to get things going. I wish she would just jump up and down already."

"Jump up and down?" Magnus asked. "It's going to take more than jumping to get the baby out. She might have to push a bit as well." Magnus gave Will a cheeky smile and a shrug. He was being wonderful. Will didn't deserve it.

Will was certain he was neglecting Magnus in some way (Magnus had needs in the same way Will had needs) but didn't have the energy or desire to satisfy those needs. Will couldn't remember what Magnus looked like naked. He couldn't remember feeling remotely attracted to him either. What good was a lover one didn't make love to?

"I'm sorry I've been so busy," Will said. "Everything will slow down when Charlie is born, I promise." Magnus smiled and shook his head.

"You're just getting started," Magnus said. He took Will by the hands and pressed his lips to Will's. Will closed his eyes and kissed back, running his hands down Magnus's sides.

"I don't want to lose you," Will whispered.

"I'm right here," Magnus replied.

They continued walking until they came to a wall with a ladder built into it. Will started up the ladder, with Magnus following. At the top was a trapdoor Will climbed through.

The trapdoor opened into a small room at the very top of the Institute. Three bells hung high above the room, each with a separate bell pull which hung down. Magnus hoisted himself into the room and closed the trapdoor as Will lit a lamp.

"It's a bell tower," Magnus said.

"This is the only part of the church that remained after the fire that took the original structure," Will explained. "The Shadowhunters who built the London Institute chose to keep it here rather than destroy it. They thought if the bell tower survived a fire, it would serve their purposes as well."

"It was strong and persevered through the worst times," Magnus said. Will shrugged. "How did you know this was here?"

"Henry used to send me up to ring the bells. He's not a fan of ladders," Will explained. "I came here more when I was younger."

"Did Jem come up with you?" Magnus asked. Magnus viewed the Institute as the place Will and Jem had lived and loved together. There were memories of them stuck in forgotten corners and private places of the Institute.

"No, I never let him up the ladder. I said it was treacherous to climb and Henry agreed. Jem and I had our places, yes, but this wasn't one of them," Will said. "I wanted to show it to you. That's all."

Magnus nodded and walked over, taking Will by the waist. He kissed Will's cheek and ran his hands up Will's spine. Will stepped away and fiddled with the lamp, which cast a very dim glow. It was nearly out of oil.

"Should we ring the bells?" Magnus asked. Will gazed up to the three heavy bells suspended overhead. He heard them chime more than he wanted to admit.

"The bells are only rung when a Shadowhunter dies, to inform everyone of the death," Will said. "Three chimes, no more, no less." Magnus nodded seriously. "Besides, if we rang the bells, everyone would know where we were." Magnus bit his lip and nodded again. Will closed his eyes, put his hands in Magnus's waist, and kissed him deeply.

Magnus groaned and drew Will's body closer to his. He touched Will gently on the cheeks, holding him close, then dropped his hands to Will's collar. He began hastily unbuttoning the buttons on Will's shirt. Magnus's body felt warm in Will's hands, as if a fire simmered beneath the surface of his skin.

"I just want to touch you. Can I touch you?" Magnus asked. Will nodded quickly, so Magnus finished with Will's shirt and tossed it aside, then reached down to pull Will's undershirt over his head. That shirt landed on the floor as well. Magnus ran his fingers over Will's chest. His thumbs dipped low then moved up, caressing Will's pecs and dancing them over Will's nipples. Magnus's hands were warm on Will's skin as he touched with the perfect amount of pressure. Will stifled a yawn. He could fall asleep being touched like this. "Do you like that?"

Will nodded. He pulled Magnus's shirt free from his pants and rested his hands on Magnus's lower back as they continued to kiss. Magnus reached up and unbuttoned his own shirt, then tossed it to the floor. He moved his hands to Will's waist band. Will stepped aside then, avoiding his touch.

"I just want to kiss a little bit," Will said. "I just want to kiss."

"And I just want to touch you," Magnus said. "I want to see you, and feel you…I want you, Will. I miss your body. I miss wanting you." Will closed his eyes and kissed harder. Magnus kissed back in the same manner, nipping Will's lower lip as he sucked on the sensitive flesh. Will nodded, so Magnus unbuttoned Will's pants and moved a hand inside. He took Will's half stiff cock in his hand and began to stroke as they continued to kiss. Will felt weak in the knees, the way passionately kissing Magnus made him feel. His heart was pounding and his head felt dizzy.

Magnus had stiffened rapidly and was now pressing against Will's leg, still caught within the confines of his trousers. Will released the button on Magnus trousers and unzipped them. He touched Magnus in the manner Magnus was touching him, causing Magnus to moan in anticipation and push himself more into Will's hand. It was arousing, to turn Magnus on in this way.

"I'm so… touchy," Magnus mumbled. "You have no idea what you do to me. I'd like to toss you down on the floor right now if not…" Magnus bit down on Will's lower lip and shoved his hand away. His body started to shake as his eyes flickered shut. Magnus was coming, hard, fast, and suddenly, into his own hand. He kissed Will wildly and misguided, almost as an afterthought.

Will felt as aroused as he had been sitting at the dining room table discussing the weather. Watching Magnus get to enjoy pleasure while he didn't even want it was just the icing on the cake. It wasn't fair.

"I'm sorry," Magnus groaned. "I was hoping we could…"

"It's been a little while," Will said. It had been six weeks, not that Will was counting. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped away as Magnus attempted to compose himself.

"You're worth the wait," Magnus said. "Where were we?" He pushed Will's pants down to his thighs and resumed kissing him. Magnus touched Will in the way that told Will he wanted Will to ask more of him. Magnus loved to please Will, and nothing would please them both more than if Magnus got down on his knees for Will. Will briefly stiffened at the thought of it. He had his doubts as to do producing much of anything. "Relax." Magnus whispered the word nicely. It thinly veiled a question Magnus didn't want to ask.

"I'm trying," Will mumbled.

"What's the matter?" Magnus asked. He pulled his hand away. "You're barely hard. Do you even want me?"

"No, I guess I don't," Will snapped. He shoved Magnus away, pulled his pants up, and bent over to retrieve his shirt. "I'm not interested. I have a lot on my mind. I'm not..." Magnus folded his arms and looked Will in the eyes. Will could have looked away, went downstairs, and forgot any of this happened. Magnus was satisfied. That was all that mattered.

"Will," Magnus said, softly. Will's eyes filled with tears. He looked down at the floor.

"I haven't given you anything in weeks," Will said. "I'm going to be a father any day now. You're going to take second, no, third, to Charlie and Sophie. I just don't get why we're still together."

"I love you. That's why we're still together. Don't ask again," Magnus said. "I swore to you I would be at your side until you died. Anyway. Anyhow. Do you think one rough patch is going to scare me away? So we haven't fooled around in a little while. I'm not leaving you over something as frivolous as sex. There's time for it. There's time for everything, Will." He reached up and flicked a tear from Will's cheek. "I'm here for the duration."

"You're going to lose me to a baby. Doesn't that bother you?" Will asked.

"You have to do what you have to do. Charlie isn't going to scare me away. I'm here," Magnus said. "Besides, don't you think I like the idea of my lover being a father? I'm going to see you be all sweet and loving to a defenseless baby. You're going to be a great father, and it just makes me love you more."

"I'm such a mess," Will said. "I don't want to be a mess."

"You'll always be a mess," Magnus said. "Sometimes you just contain it better." Will shook his head and smiled. "Let's go downstairs. You can allow yourself one drink. Then we'll sit in the Library and talk. Or we'll go to bed and I'll stay the night."

"I want you so bad," Will said. "I just can't…" He didn't have the energy to do more go downstairs and do what Magnus suggested.

"You'll have me whenever you're ready," Magnus said. He took Will's face in his hands in the way Will hated to admit that he loved. Magnus kissed him gently, first on the forehead and then on the lips. "I'm right here."

They went downstairs and went to Will's room. Will had a drink as suggested but never made it to the Library. He begged Magnus to spend the night but never found out if he had or not, since he fell asleep with his head in Magnus's lap not long after finishing the drink.

* * *

><p>In the middle of the night, Will woke up in Magnus's arms as the door creaked open. Henry stood in the doorway.<p>

"Sophie?" Will mumbled.

"You've been summoned to Hyde Park to assist the Lightwoods," Henry said. "Augustine is already downstairs readying the supplies. You're to leave in five minutes." Henry closed the door.

Will lay his head back on Magnus's chest and listened to his heart beat thumping steadily. Magnus ran his hands through Will's hair, then pushed him away. Will climbed from the bed and went to dress as Magnus drew the blankets tighter around his body.

"Be safe," Magnus mumbled.

"I'll be right back," Will said. He kissed Magnus on the cheek, and dressed in the darkness. Just knowing Magnus was tucked into his bed made Will never want to leave.

"I love you," Magnus whispered.

"I love you to," Will said. He walked out and hurried downstairs.

* * *

><p>The heavy scent of fresh dirt and rain was in the air as Will and Augustine walked to Hyde Park. The night was still dark, with no hope of sunrise for another few hours. There wasn't much to talk about, so they walked side by side in silence. Upon entering the park, Will spotted Gabriel beneath a large oak tree in the south east corner of the park.<p>

"What's he doing?" Augustine asked. Will squinted and saw that rather than fighting demons, Gabriel was sitting on the ground, completely still. Augustine took a breath and drew his weapon. Will did the same. The closer they got, more Will's stomach twisted. Gabriel should have been standing up. He should have heard Will and Augustine approach and he should have acknowledged them. Something was very, very wrong.

"Gabriel?" Will called out. Augustine put a hand out and shook his head, then lowered his weapon and approached slowly.

Gabriel sat beneath the tree. His knees pulled to his chest and a chunk of witch light gleamed brightly between his fingers. He was breathing hard and muffling the noise of it by holding his other hand over his mouth. Gabriel's eyes stared at the ground before him, filled with unshed tears and unspeakable fear.

Augustine turned to Will, then stepped beneath the tree with Will still behind him. He took his own witch light stone and lit it dimly, as not to frighten Gabriel. Augustine lifted a hand to his own mouth and gagged.

Weapons were strewn beneath the tree. The grass was covered with an inky blank substance that appeared to have splashed onto Gabriel as well. He was sitting close to the tree trunk. Gabriel bit the knuckles on his right hand and continued to stare at the ground. The witch light shifted in his hand and became brighter, causing the blackness surrounding Gabriel to turn red.

"By the Angel," Will whispered. His stomach clenched tightly. He breathed through his nose, trying to settle his stomach, pulled out his witch light, and lit it.

Gabriel flinched and put his hand up to block the light. His palm was stained with blood and he shivered profusely. More blood, already drying, covered his face, arms, and legs.

"Gideon," Augustine said. he put a hand over his own mouth as he took several deep breathes.

Will looked down on the ground. He saw a white shirt stained red and armor that was covered with more, still wet blood. Will wanted to think about how hard it would be to clean all the blood off that piece of armor. He wanted to think about the broken weapons strewn about that would need fixed. He didn't want to think about Gideon Lightwood laying flat on his back, eyes wide open, dead.

"Gabriel, are you hurt?" Will asked. He knelt beside Gabriel as Augustine walked closer. "Gabriel?" Gabriel stared down at Gideon. His eyes darted back and forth the same way Jem's used to, when he woke from a dream and couldn't differentiate from reality and dream. "You have to talk to me, Gabriel." Gabriel shook his head and painfully moaned.

Augustine knelt beside Gideon and looked him over. Gideon's eyes were wide open, staring into the tree above them. His neck was ripped open, as if a vicious dog grabbed him by the throat and tore the skin, muscle, and veins away. Will turned his attention back to Gabriel and tried to get the two darting green irises to focus on him.

"Gabriel. Listen to me," Will said. "Are you hurt?"

"I happened so fast," Gabriel whispered. "He was here and then he wasn't. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't think I had to." Augustine reached down, and closed Gideon's eyes, and mumbled a prayer. Ave Atque Vale. Hail, and farewell. "I couldn't carry him. I called you instead. I thought… you could help me."

Blood dripped from the stone Gabriel still clutched in his hand. Will reached over and gently took Gabriel's hand, pulling it away from Gabriel's knees. There was a jagged wound down the inside of Gabriel's arm that dripped fresh blood.

"I'm going to heal you now," Will said. He brought out his stele and drew a healing rune on Gabriel's arm. "Are you hurt anywhere else?" Gabriel licked his lips and looked down at Gideon.

After Jem died, Will sat in Hyde park, not far from where he was now, and held Jem's body in his arms. Even when it began to rain, even when the sun came up, Will held Jem, because some small part of him believed Jem was going to come back. Will spent his entire life in London waiting for Jem to die, yet was unable to comprehend it when it finally happened. It seemed so improbable. Jem had been a constant in Will's life. Gideon had been the same to Gabriel. Now, Gideon was gone and Gabriel was covered in his blood.

"He's not really gone, is he?" Gabriel asked. "He can't really be dead. He was right here… a second ago." Augustine looked form Gideon to Gabriel and back again, but Will understood. He moved closer to Gabriel and put an arm around his shoulders as Gabriel stared, unblinking, at his brother's body. Augustine sat on the other side of Gabriel and laced his fingers into Gabriel's left hand.

"He's gone, Gabriel," Will whispered. "Gideon died."

Gabriel nodded as the truth slowly sunk in. Will remembered the moment when he realized Jem wasn't coming back. Something had left his body then; something he had yet to recover. Then Will picked up Jem's body and carried him home, sobbing the whole way.

Now, Gabriel would take the same walk. His body was responding to the trauma it had seen, and soon, the wound Gabriel hadn't yet acknowledged would open. Everything would come flooding out. Gabriel would bleed to death in his own way.

"He can't really be gone," Gabriel said. He shook his head. "You're lying to me, Herondale." Will and Augustine were silent. "Please. I'll do anything. Just tell me he's not really dead. He can't be dead. He's getting married next month. He's getting a fancy job in Idris. He's not… really…"

"He's gone," Will said. "Gideon died, Gabriel." Gabriel shook his head.

"Well, then, which one of us is going to tell my mother?" Gabriel asked. "She's going to need to know. My father to. He…Oh… Oh, no! NO!" Gabriel's eyes filled with tears as a horrible, cruel, realization finally dawned on him. "YOU'RE LYING TO ME! TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

"I am," Will said. Gabriel took a shuddering breath that didn't fill his lungs. Will knew how grief felt. Now, he would see what it looked like.

Gabriel fell into Will's arms and Will pulled him tightly against his chest. Gabriel screamed and cried hysterically, clawing at Will and struggling to get away, but Will would not let Gabriel go. He had held Jem this way in so many of his blind and furious fits. Soon, Gabriel would calm down. Soon, he would stop crying. He had to. This awful time couldn't last forever.

Will understood now what Augustine had said about the moment one becomes an adult. Before, Will wouldn't have cared that Gabriel had lost someone precious to him. He wouldn't have held Gabriel this tightly and comforted him this way and cared this much. Now, something horrible had happened. Will couldn't face the situation as a petty child who only wanted to see Gabriel suffer, not when he had suffered for the same reason. And so it was then, on a cold April night, that Will finally understood what it meant to be an adult.

"It's going to be alright," Will whispered. Gabriel sobbed against Will's neck as hot tears ran down Will's back. He felt Gabriel's soul crack in half in the most perfect way, so that it would never go back to the way it was before.

The sky was beginning to lighten when Gabriel finally began to calm down. He lay down on the ground, curled into a ball, and pulled Will and Augustine down beside them. They lay in silence as Gabriel sobbed.

"So this is how it feels, to lose your brother," Gabriel said. "Now I know how it feels. Now, I know."

* * *

><p>Will didn't cry until much later, when he sat in his bathroom and watched as Magnus scrubbed the blood out from beneath his nails. The bell tolled high above them. The Lightwood family had been summoned and told of Gideon's death. Now, the rest of the Shadowhunters in London would know. Will allowed himself to break down then, and cry for the bond he and Gabriel would forever share.<p>

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><p>* This is a true, actual fact.<p>

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be the last... sorry! Please review?**


	20. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: So…. Here it is. The last chapter. The epilogue will post in a few days, and with it, a surprise for everyone. I've started work on a new fic some of you may be interested in. The new fic is pretty much my only saving grace. I hate saying goodbye, but I have to. I write my stories so that they may be enjoyed, but they must end sooner or later. Please enjoy this chapter, and please review. Thanks to everyone who started at Chapter 1 and in still reading at Chapter 19. I would still write even if no one read my words, but you all made this process rewarding and fun. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ~Melissa**

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><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

Gideon's funeral was at sunrise the next morning. Will dressed in the same clothes he had worn to Jem's funeral and endured it as best he could, all the while wishing he was anywhere but the Silent City. Will could feel Jem's presence in the Silent City more than he could anywhere else, and was relieved when he the funeral was finally over.

Everyone returned to the Institute for a luncheon following the funeral. Benedict got uproariously drunk and Gabriel had to pull him out of the dining room. For all that had transpired between them the night before, Gabriel wouldn't dare make eye contact with neither Augustine nor Will. Augustine referred to him as "gone." Something had been taken from Gabriel. He might never be the same.

Will distracted himself from the events by feeding Ben a bottle while Augustine and Constance ate lunch. Ben fell asleep in Will's arms right after, clutching a piece of Will's white shirt in his tiny fist. Augustine finished eating and took Ben from Will.

"I'm going for some fresh air," Will said. He stood up, left the dining room, and went outside. Once to the front gates, he walked through them, and kept going.

The day before had been cold and unforgiving, yet today was the opposite. The air was still cold but the air no longer smelled of burning coal and smoky fog. Instead, there was the smell of spring, of wet earth and new beginning. The sky was a solid shade of robin's egg blue, with several wispy clouds high above.

Will walked down the paths he walked before, on the nights he had to escape Jem and the Institute. He traveled down the streets he once knew by heart. He passed the Devil Tavern without even noticing it and continued down the Thames. The water flowed past the docks quicker than it had the day Will contemplated drowning himself. That day he thought he had nothing left to live for and no one left to love him. So much had changed in three months. So much had changed in six months. So much had changed.

In time, Will came to a townhouse on the banks of the Thames. He climbed up a set of steps, went to the door, pulled out his stele, and drew an Unlocking rune. The door popped open and Will walked in, closing the door silently behind himself. He walked down the hall to the kitchen and stopped in the doorway. Will had come to this house many times before, in different emotional states, and planned to only visit. This time, he contemplated staying forever.

Magnus had his back to the door, humming as he scrubbed the top of his stove the mundane way. It was funny, Magnus was capable of miraculous feats of magic, yet he tried to be as human as possible. He scrubbed his stove with steel wool when he could have performed a spell and been done with the task long before now. Magnus preferred putting forth effort to accomplish something over getting it done quickly. He was someone who endured things, no matter how difficult, rather than taking the easy way out.

"I love you," Will whispered.

Magnus dropped his steel wool and turned around, his mouth open in shock.

"I didn't expect you," Magnus said quickly. "The funeral, and…"

"Expect the unexpected," Will said. He crossed the kitchen, took Magnus in his arms, and kissed him on the lips.

"I love you," Magnus said. Jem told Will that so many times, it had lost its meaning. With Magnus, he meant that he would love Will today, tomorrow, and in all of the times Will didn't love him back. It was more than just a declaration of his feelings; it was a declaration of Magnus's intentions, to love Will.

"I love you to," Will said. He closed his eyes and kissed him again, harder, this time.

Will took the steel wool from Magnus's hand and tossed it down. Magnus laughed and went to wash his hands before allowing Will to pull him down to his bedroom. They paused once or twice to lean against the walls in the hallway and kiss. The first time they were ever together, Will wanted one thing and got something else entirely. This time, Will knew what else he was going to get. In fact, he welcomed something else.

They fell into the warm, welcoming nest of Magnus's bed as their hands got tangled up in their attempts to undress one another. Will gave up, holding his hands up, and allowed Magnus to strip his white mourning clothes off. Will's skin was adorned with bright, freshly applied mourning runes in addition to his black, permanent runes. Magnus ran his hands over Will's chest. He teased his tongue in sensitive places over Will's body. Will reached down and pulled Magnus's shirt over his head. He touched the places on Magnus's body that gave Magnus the most pleasure.

They were naked together almost immediately. They didn't have to speak or discuss what the other wanted: they already knew.

Before, Will watched the encounter in the third person. This time, he only saw it as a string of the very best parts. Magnus lay on his back, dug his heels into Will's hips and let out the most lustful groans Will ever heard him make. Will spent some of the time with his eyes closed, feeling Magnus beneath him, pulling him into himself. They didn't have to watch. They only had to feel.

When they each unraveled, Will collapsed onto the bed and held Magnus in his arms. They were ready again not long after and began again with neither having to ask for it. It was marvelous, Will thought. So many words were wasted on love, when only three actually mattered. Will didn't have to say the words to mean them. "I love you" could be said without ever having to speak.

When they were finished, they lay together covered in soft blankets and held each other until they fell into a deep sleep.

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><p>It was well past midnight, when Magnus sat up in bed beside Will. At the same time, a candle ignited on the bedside table and out a piece of paper. Magnus caught the paper and unfolded it. Will lay with his back to Magnus and stared into the darkness.<p>

Everything was about to change. Now, things would be separated into before, and after. Before Charlie was born, Jem died. After Charlie was born… the possibilities were infinite.

"Sophie is in labor. We need to get back to the Institute," Magnus said. He rested a hand on Will's lower back, as if he to knew things were going to be different now.

"Let's go," Will said.

They dressed quickly, stepped through a Portal, and landed on the Institute's front lawn. Will grabbed Magnus by the hand and pulled him up the steps and inside. They went upstairs to find Henry sitting outside Sophie's room. Behind the door, someone was sobbing. Will almost fell backwards as the gravity of the situation hit him in the chest. Sophie was about to give birth to Jem's only son.

"I need…" Will mumbled. The door opened and Charlotte looked out.

"She's asking for you," Charlotte said. Will grabbed Magnus by the arms and kissed him on the lips before following Charlotte into the room.

Tessa was sitting on the bed, braiding Sophie's hair and talking quietly to her. The midwife was there, who Will recognized as Augustine's mother. Sophie stopped crying when Will walked over and took her hand.

"I'm sorry," Will said. "I should have been here."

"You weren't," Sophie snapped. "I was all alone when I went into labor. I was terrified. I was in pain. You weren't being the perfect man you've been for the last two months. You were being your lazy, unreliable, pleasure seeking self. Not that I blame you. I'll forgive you, this time."

"I'm sorry," Will repeated. "What's going on?"

"I'm in a boat load of pain and I want this baby out of me, now," Sophie said. "And…" Her eyes flickered away from Will's, "I miss Jem." Will kissed Sophie on the back of her hand. In that moment, he could have started to cry, because he missed Jem as well. Jem should have been there.

"I miss him to," Will said.

Sophie labored for the rest of the night. Will stayed with her and helped her pace around the room when she felt like walking. The rest of the world faded away. There wasn't a crowd of people outside, waiting to hear the baby's first cries. It was only Will and Sophie. Will stopped noticing Charlotte and the midwife, who were a constant presence.

At dawn, Will left the room to get a cup of tea and to update everyone. He found Magnus and Tessa sitting together in the hallway. Tessa's head was on Magnus's shoulder while Magnus's head rested against hers. Their fingers were twined together casually. Beside them, Henry snored. Will didn't disturb them.

After another few hours Will went out to find everyone awake. Jessamine had joined them as they ate a make shift picnic breakfast outside of Sophie's room. Other people still staying at the Institute got wind of what was going on. They wished Will and Sophie the best of luck. After another hour, Will didn't have time to go out and let everyone know what was going on.

Will and Sophie could have spent the entire time she was in labor thinking about how Jem should have been there and wasn't. They could have cried over how much they missed him and how much he would have wanted to see this, but they did none of that.

When it came time to push, Will let Sophie lean against him in the bed and brace herself with his hands as she screamed. When Sophie swore she couldn't do it any longer, when she started to cry hysterically and insist that she wasn't ready for any of this, Will didn't let her know he was crying and thinking the same thing. He just told her over and over to keep trying, to keep pushing, just a little more. Sooner or later, it would have to work.

Then, it did.

Sophie fell back against Will as the midwife lifted up the baby. Will got a glimpse of him before he was whisked over to a table. Charlotte went over to him, looked down, and gave Will a nod. Sophie rested her head against Will's chest. She sighed and held Will's hand tighter. Will leaned down and kissed her on the lips because in that moment, he loved her.

"Go to him," She whispered, "Tell me how he is."

"You did amazing," Will said. He kissed her again. "You did such a good job, Sophie. You're amazing and beautiful and…"

"Were not doing this," Sophie said. "Stick to the plan, Will. Now go to him and see how he is."

The baby started crying then, filling the room with loud, glorious cries. Will climbed from the bed and went over to the table, where Charlotte was vigorously patting the baby dry. She swaddled him in a blue blanket, picked him up, and turned to the bed.

"Give him to Will, please," Sophie said. "Will wants to see his son."

Charlotte looked up at Will as she held the baby close to her chest. Will knew what she must be thinking, that she would never see the day when Will became a father. She knew Will, and had seen all of his worst moments. Charlotte looked at Sophie, who nodded, before she placed the baby in Will's arms. The baby cried harder. Will rocked him, holding him close and calming him. Will returned to the bed and sat beside Sophie.

"We'll call him Charlie," Will mumbled. He brushed a few sweaty strands of hair from Sophie's forehead and kissed her temple.

"James Charles," Sophie said. "He's a Carstairs alright." She touched Charlie lightly on his head, where a streak of black hair ran down the center of it. Charlie's eyes finally opened.

"Oh," Will said. His first feeling was fear, followed by shock.

Charlie's eyes were blue, nearly the same color as Will's, and flecked with silver, the way Jem's were before they changed completely to silver. Sophie scowled at Will, no doubt wanting an explanation.

"I had nothing to do with that," Will said. "Really!" Sophie rolled her eyes.

"Why don't you tell everyone the news?" Charlotte said. "Give Sophie some time to feed the baby. Then, you have work to do." Sophie lifted her hands and Will placed Charlie in them.

"You'll be back soon, right, Will?" Sophie asked. She was looking from Will, to the baby, and back again.

"Right back," Will said. "I promise, I'll be right back." He climbed from the bed and walked over to the door. The midwife was explaining something to Sophie, who nodded and looked down at the baby with a blank expression. Charlotte came over to Will.

"Is there something going on?" She asked. "Sophie isn't acting like she just gave birth. She seems…unattached."

"We never expected this to happen, is all," Will replied. "She just gave birth to Jem's son…"

"She is this baby's mother," Charlotte said.

"And I'm his father," Will said. "Sophie is tired, Charlotte. Leave her be. Like it or not she and I know what is best for our son." Will and Sophie anticipated that Charlotte might give them trouble. They had anticipated everything.

The group in the hallway hadn't changed much. Jessamine was leaning against Tessa, yawning as they sat on the floor, and Magnus and Henry were talking quietly. Tessa looked up, noticed Will, and jumped to her feet.

"We heard him cry…So he's arrived?" Tessa asked. Will nodded, a smile on his face, and Tessa wrapped her arms around him, giggling and holding him tightly. Jessamine followed, giving Will a hug as well, and Henry shook his hand. Magnus hung back, looking unsure. Will gave him a smile and turned back to Tessa and Jessamine as they started asking questions.

"What's he like? What's his name?"

"Is Sophie alright?"

"He's big. I feel bad for Sophie, but she's fine. A little tired," Will said. "The baby takes right after Jem. We named him James Charles. Sophie is feeding him now, and then I have to take him down to the Silent City. Can you find me Augustine? He said he would be here…"

"I'll find him," Tessa said. She hugged Will once more and hurried away.

Magnus leaned against a wall, away from everyone. He wasn't as put together as he usually was. His hair was a mess from spending the night sleeping in the hallway with Tessa. He and Tessa had both been there for Will when Will didn't even realize it.

"Magnus," Will said. He put out a hand and Magnus took it. It didn't matter that Henry was there, as was Jessamine. The Institute was still full of Lightwoods, and their relatives, and everyone else who had come to Gideon's funeral. Anyone could see them, but it wasn't worth hiding anymore.

Will pulled Magnus against him and kissed him on the lips. Magnus kissed back, his arms around Will's waist as he held him there. It wasn't a little kiss, over in two seconds. It lasted at least ten and contained gratuitous amounts of tongue.

"Get a room!" Jessamine exclaimed. Will laughed and pulled Magnus into another room. He pushed Magnus against the door and kissed him again. Magnus pulled away, shaking his head.

"So Sophie is alright?" Magnus asked.

"All things considered," Will replied. Magnus nodded. He took his hands off of Will's waist and shoved them into his pockets. Will stepped away from Magnus. They were in Charlie's room, which used to belong to Jem. Most of Jem's furniture remained and was joined by a crib and changing table. Henry had gone out two days before and brought back a gigantic stuffed giraffe which sat in the corner of the room. "What's the matter, Magnus?" Magnus walked over to the crib and ran a hand along the railing.

"She gave you a son," Magnus said. "You had a baby with her, Will. That does things to someone. You both went through something major and now you have a baby. If you want to be with Sophie, if you want to be a family with her…"

Will walked over to the crib, took Magnus's face in his hands, and kissed him on the lips.

"You and I have just begun," Will said. "I need you now more than anything." Magnus closed his eyes and kissed Will once more.

"I'm here for as long as you need me to be," Magnus said.

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><p>Once Charlie was fed and dressed, he was put into a carrier for his very first trip down to the Silent City. Will would be able to hold him close to his chest to keep him warm. If everything went as planned, Charlie would sleep almost the entire time. Will and Charlie wouldn't make the journey alone, as Augustine and Henry would accompany him.<p>

Every baby born to the Nephilim was required to make the trip to the Silent City. There, the baby's name would be written in the records of all the Shadowhunters who had ever lived, and protective spells would be placed on the baby to ensure that he would be safe until his 12th birthday, when new spells would be required.

"Ready?" Augustine asked. Charlie was already bundled close to Will's chest, sleeping soundly.

"Ready," Will said. He bent down and kissed Charlie on the top of the head. Already, he was feeling something more than just love for the baby. It was as though life had existed before Charlie, but it hadn't been nearly as wonderful.

Henry and Augustine led the way from Sophie's room down the hall and downstairs to the sanctuary. From there, they went to the Silent City. They stopped often to check on Charlie, who was traveling perfectly. In no time at all, the four of them stood before the Silent Brothers as Will recited Charlie's name as James Charles Carstairs.

"They'll take him now," Henry said. A Silent Brother walked over and held his hands out. Will carefully placed Charlie in them. The Silent Brother went to another room, with two others following him.

Will had been twelve when Henry brought him to the Silent City for his enchantments. It had been a frightening experience. Will started for the door to follow the Brothers, but Augustine held him back.

"He's going to be fine," Augustine said. "The Brothers have been doing this for thousands of years. Come with me. I have something to show you."

Augustine pulled Will away from the entrance to the Silent City. They went down a long, dark passageway. Will tried to turn back but Augustine kept a firm hold on his arm as they walked deeper into the Silent City. Various rooms were connected to the passageway. Some were small rooms, only big enough to walk in and turn around, while others were large and had benches people could sit on. Far away, there was the sound of stone being hammered away.

"Ben was all distraught yesterday, before the funeral," Augustine said. "I took him for a walk, trying to get him to sleep, and found something you might like to see…."

Augustine walked into a room that was big enough for the two of them to stand shoulder to shoulder. There was a large dragon carved into the wall, painted red and gilded with bits of gold. Jem came to London with a steamer trunk emblazoned with that same dragon, which was the symbol for the Shanghai Institute. This room was the burial chamber for all Shadowhunters born or raised in Shanghai. The walls were covered with names carved into stone. Pungent scented candles flickered in each of the corners of the room.

"Here," Augustine said. He pointed to three names carved in a corner, just above a candle, then stepped back. Will walked over to the corner and read the names.

_James Jonathan Carstairs, Sr.  
><em>_Jia Boyuan- Carstairs  
><em>_James Jian "Jem" Carstairs Jr._

"I don't know where his ashes are, or what was done with them. They're here somewhere," Augustine said. Will ran his fingers over the letters of Jem's name. Every Shadowhunter who lived and died had their name carved somewhere in the Silent City. Will wondered where Jem's mark was left, and now knew.

"May I have a minute, please?" Will asked. Augustine quickly left the room. "I don't know where you are, Jem. I just want you to know… he's beautiful. I'm going to be my best for him. Just know he's in good hands. We have this. I'll come see you later." Will knew that was a lie. Jem wouldn't have wanted Will to waste his days talking to a wall.

After a few minutes, Will left the room and returned to the entrance of the Silent City. Augustine was there, talking with Henry, as somewhere, far off, Charlie screamed and cried. Will shoved Augustine aside and started toward the room the Silent Brothers had taken Charlie. Henry grabbed Will and held him back.

"You must let me go!" Will exclaimed. "He needs me, Henry!"

"He's fine," Augustine said. "Be patient. This is part of the process." Henry let Will go. Will slumped against a wall, running a hand through his hair.

"What if he's sick?" Will asked. "What if Jem's addiction got passed on to Charlie? What if…"

"You would have known by now," Henry said. "He's going to be fine, Will."

"I can't do this," Will said. "I don't know if I can be the father he needs me to be. I should just find someone better qualified. I don't even love his mother the way I should. How can I love a child who isn't even mine?"

"Will, you're doing it," Augustine said. "Look at you- you're a disaster. You've been crying for the past ten minutes, did you know that?" Will shook his head. "You'll love Charlie for no other reason than because he needs you to love him. You can do this, Will, so give yourself a chance."

Minutes later, a Silent Brother walked out carrying a placid Charlie wrapped up in the blanket he had been brought to the Silent City. The Brother claimed that Charlie was hungry, so Will glared at him before sitting down and feeding Charlie the one bottle Charlotte had sent with them. When Charlie was finished, they began the long walk back to the Institute.

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><p>Once back, Will handed Charlie off to Sophie and crawled into bed. He slept a few hours and woke up when Charlie was ready to eat again. The afternoon was spent entertaining visitors. Much to the delight of everyone living at the London Institute, and much to the chagrin of the Lightwood family, the birth of a baby took the focus off of Gideon's death. Will claimed Charlie must have had a little Herondale in him, as demonstrated by his impeccable sense of timing.<p>

That night, Will covered Charlie with a tiny blue blanket and crawled into bed with Sophie. Magnus was spending the night in Will's room, just mere steps away if Will needed him. Charlie woke up two hours later, then an hour after that. Will got up with him each time and brought him to Sophie to feed. Life had changed, for the better.

In the beginning, it had only been Will. Then Jem, Jessamine and Sophie came to the Institute, and Magnus arrived as well. Will left Wales to escape family, yet had come to London and found a new family to belong to. As Will rocked Charlie back to sleep in the early hours of dawn, he looked down at the tiny baby he held in his lap and decided that everything finally felt perfect.

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><p>Two days after Charlie turned six months old, Sophie climbed aboard a ship and set sail for new horizons. When she docked in New York, Magnus was there, waiting. With both magic and good story telling, Sophie melted into New York high society as Sophia Carstairs, a young widow who had lost her husband in a tragic accident and had come to New York for a fresh start. Jem had told Sophie that he wanted her to have a husband who loved her and a family all her own. Within a year of moving to America, Sophie realized that dream. She wrote to Will every month, and remained a presence in Charlie's life despite the distance.<p>

When Charlie was ten, another child arrived at the Institute. Both his parents had perished fighting demons, making him an orphan. Will adopted him and gave him the last name of Herondale. Two years later, a little girl arrived, and Will adopted her as well. Much to Benedict's frustration, Will took great pleasure in tainting the Herondale line with children born to less known families. Will never fathered any children of his own, but that didn't matter. There were more than enough Herondale's to further the line.

Jem told Will to love again, and so Will did. When Magnus returned from America, Will moved into the town house with Tessa and Charlie. Tessa took the apartment upstairs as her own, while Charlie was given a room downstairs, between the library and parlor. Will and Magnus shared the room across the hall. They lived comfortably together for many more years.

Charlie had everything Jem would have wanted for him. He had Tessa as his mother. She taught him right from wrong, while Will taught him everything else. Magnus was the doting uncle who believed Charlie could do no wrong. It wasn't a perfect family, Will knew, but it was a loving family, and that was all that mattered.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Review? Please?<strong>


	21. Epilogue

**Author's Note: Well… here it is. The real, true, ending. Thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed this story. I don't want to put all of your pen names down so I'll just say a big, big thanks to those fearless few who reviewed every chapter faithfully. Thank you for being an audience I loved writing for. Pretty please review this and let me know what you thought of the story. Please? It would be wonderful to hear what you have to say. **

**Feel free to check out my new story which will show up in about a week. Click forward for the teaser for it. And as always, please enjoy this last chapter! You've all been wonderful readers! Thank you!**

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><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

The Shanghai Institute was built into the side of the mountain. Charlie Carstairs knew this, had heard about it, and had even seen pictures, but that didn't prepare him for the sight that greeted him when he arrived in Shanghai and saw… nothing.

When Charlie turned six in April of 1885, his father announced that they were going to take a trip to Shanghai, China. Charlie was thrilled. He had only been out of London once, to go to Idris. Shanghai seemed to be so far away. It truly was on the other side of the world. Just a few weeks later, Charlie traveled by Portal for only the second time in his life, and arrived in China one brisk afternoon.

"Da?" Charlie asked. He was walking up a path between Will and Magnus, who each held one of his hands. They walked this way often. It was Will's way of holding hands with Magnus in secret, or so Will claimed. Charlie was the glue between them that kept them together. He was the honey to their slices of bread.

"Yes, Charlie?" Will asked. He stopped walking and knelt down, so he was face to face with Charlie.

"Where is it?" Charlie asked. Will grinned. He always acted happy whenever Charlie asked questions like this. It was like Will had all the answers and loved giving them to Charlie one by one. Charlie was inquisitive and found most everything regarding Shadowhunters fascinating.

Will took Charlie by the arm and turned him to the mountain they were approaching.

"Right there," Will said. "Look carefully, and forget everything around you. Concentrate. You'll find it when you aren't looking for it." Charlie squinted his eyes and stared at the mountain. The air seemed to shift, and then a doorway materialized, leading right into the mountain. There were steps all the way up to a large wooden door, and even a woven mat with letters lying in front of the door. Charlie knew from his lessons in Chinese that the letters spelled "welcome." He grinned. "See?" Charlie nodded. They continued walking.

"Do you remember, before?" Magnus asked. Will bit his lip and nodded. Every once in a while, Will got quiet, the same way Charlie did when he was concentrating on a big word in a book. In those times, Will's eyes stared into the distance; almost like he was trying to remember where he put something that he lost. Then Charlie would ask a question, and Will's lost look would disappear.

"It's been a long time," Will said.

"Not that long," Magnus said. "Not that long at all." He looked down at Charlie and winked. Magnus's eyes looked just like Church's, however, for as many times as Charlie asked, Magnus insisted he and Church were not related. "Hardly any time has passed at all."

Will shrugged. He was beginning to like he misplaced something again. Charlie squeezed Will's hand a little tighter. Will looked down and smiled.

"I miss Tess," Charlie said. "Why couldn't she come with us?"

"She wanted us to take this little trip on our own," Will said. Charlie nodded.

When Charlie had been old enough to understand that Tessa wasn't married to Will the way Aunt Charlotte was married to Uncle Henry, Will sat him down and told him all about his real parents. Charlie's father, Jem, whom Charlie was named after, had died fighting a demon and protecting Will. Will only said that Charlie's mother, Sophie, loved him very much and wanted what was best for him. She was still alive and sent letters often. Charlie didn't wish for her. Tessa was the only mother he ever knew.

As he grew, Charlie asked Will more questions which Will answered. Charlie's real father, Jem, was from Shanghai. He moved to London to be closer to his family's friends. Will and Jem had been parabatai. They had been closer than brothers, and most definitely best friends. Charlie's best friend was Ben, so he understood the feeling of being inseparable with someone.

"Da?" Charlie asked. He never called Will "daddy." He began calling him "dada" very early on and now shortened it. "Da, what was my real father like?"

Will stared off into the distance. Charlie thought he might not answer, but then Will knelt beside him once more and took his hand.

"Your father was incredible," Will said. "Everyone loved him, including your mom, and Tessa, and especially me. He was a good, loyal friend. He wanted the best for everyone. He wanted your mother to find love, and for me to as well. He wanted his family and friends to be happy. He wasn't selfish, Charlie. He loved everyone."

"Even Magnus?" Charlie asked. Will shook his head and smiled in the way that told Charlie there were more things to be said, that would need to wait until Charlie was older.

"Yes, Charlie, he would have loved Magnus, not before, when your father was still alive, but after he died and I was alone," Will said. "Your father wanted me to love someone. I have to believe, now, that your father would love Magnus because I love Magnus, and so do you. Do you understand?"

Charlie nodded. Magnus looked like he was going to cry. Charlie squeezed Magnus's hand to distract him.

"And he was strong and brave?" Charlie asked. "That to?"

"That and more," Will said. "Come along, now, Charlie. We're late for dinner." Will stood up again and took Charlie's hand.

The sun dipped low on the horizon as Charlie walked into the Shanghai Institute with Will and Magnus. A small part of his heart quivered as he stepped over the threshold. Somehow, Charlie knew he was home.

**The End**


	22. Teaser to The New Fic THIS WAY!

**Author's Note: Welcome to the teaser to my new story, Viva La Vida. As you can see, it is no longer here, because I have begun to post the story in the M rated section of The Mortal Instruements category. If you are interested in reading the story, here is some information on it. **

**A very long time ago, I read City of Glass and LOVED Amatis Herondale's story about her relationship with Stephen. It was just so tragic, it drew me like a moth to light. I started thinking more about the people in The Circle, and… this is the result. This story will focus on Stephen Herondale and his relationships with both Amatis and Celine, as well as explain how Jace came to be. ****As many of you know, I love theories and reading too far into most books. If this sounds interesting, please check it out.**

**I hope to see you there!**


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